#grey lore

for those of you following the work crush/ex-work crush/ it’s complicated saga. he went to fucking JAIL. 💀 so.

disgusted but also gut wrenchingly sad at the same time. ex-work crush- dating a sixteen year old. found that out tonight. he’s 21 and a war vet. enlisted at 18 and fought on the front line for two years. we stayed up late talking the other day and he expressed how much he wishes he could go back to being in high school when things were simple. i get it. i get why he’s dating a 16 year old. and while it’s weird i also feel this deep sorrow for him. feelings are all mixed up. put off by the fact that he enlisted. put off by his choices. and yet falling hard still and i can feel it in my chest- care and pain and god knows what else. can’t anything be simple. god.

I had always been scared to ask my grandma if she considers me filipino because i was scared she’d say no but today she defended me against my step-grandfather who said me and my brother aren’t filipino and she told me “if you have it in your blood it doesn’t matter how you look” which changed my brain chemistry a little bit. i think.

somehow in the span of a week i met two guys named both named c(h)ristian who are significantly altering my life what is happening

just realized i haven’t actually mentioned that have i. yeah fresh fruit aside from like. strawberries and usually raspberries is a no-no. i literally eat canned fruit and take supplements for all of my nutrients.

so i’m filipino-american but i never learned tagalog and thus don’t normally have the accent. except! and this really shows how often my lola uses this word- when i say ‘stupid’ 😭 i’ll be yelling at the dog like “stop estupide get inside!” like it comes out for that one word 😭

my friends dad hung with green day for like two hours after a performance in the early nineties before they were famous. i have Got to start going to local shows….