#green eggs

Happy Easter!!!

yeah no thanks

GREEN EGGS AND HAM YAOI REVIEW

(That was a test, most tumblr users would've given up after that long image. Glad to know I'm dealing with a professional)

When I was a wee lad in preschool, this was my first exposure to yaoi. I told my nearest and dearest teacher about how gay they were. My teacher then whipped around to look at me and they said "How HEINOUS!" and then I was forced to write on the chalk board, "I won't call Green Eggs and Ham gay." like 50 times, bart simpson style

Well, where's Ms. Cyrus now? Shes DEAD and I'm succeeding. Its crazy how life works....

Anyhow.. lets get to the yaoi.

disclaimer. This review will NOT cover the show, but I'm pretty damn sure it just gives me more evidence.

EVIDENCE 1: Sam-I-Am's actions throughout the story

First of all, he drove past Guy-Am-I's (thats the other guys name.) chair, holding a SIGN OF HIS NAME. I dunno about you, but thats basically if I drove around giving out my number. Sam is CLEARLY desperate, and after he heard that Guy doesn't like him, he's got to find a way to make amends, and so he brought his favorite meal to share with him. Green Eggs and Ham.

Guy-Am-I is absolutely NOT down with this whole thing (To the naked eye, we'll get back to that.) and he tries to walk away as Sam-I-Am KNEELS over backwards trying to please this man. You may call it harassment, I call it true love.

I mean COME ON even I WOULD'VE folded at the box with the fox

The fox looks so polite too, you really gotta give him props.

Now so far this may make you skeptical. "Wait.. why aren't they kissing?? excuse me??" I would understand, I was once in your own position, my dear reader, but you must ALSO think about how

EVIDENCE 2: GUY-AM-I PLAYS HARD TO GET.

Guy just KEEPS on walking away from him. "Of course, its because hes annoyed." NO. Its because he's testing Sam for what he's gonna bring to this relationship. Guy has been hurt before, he doesn't want to have to go through that again, and so he makes sure that Sam isn't messing with him.

If he was TRULY bothered, he would've called the police, am I right? The police clearly do exist also, as there is no gun violence in Green Eggs and Ham.

After all the offers that Sam gives, he finally caves. Sam passed the test. Lesser men would have given up, but Sam is not less, he's more.

After one bite of the Green Eggs and Ham..

EVIDENCE 3: Guy-Am-I Fall for the Man.

Guy absolutely switches up on Sam and now he acts like they're old college roommates.

Now, if you're in a relationship with a romantic partner, be honest with me. Have they ever smiled like that? If not, I'm sorry to say, you haven't done enough.

They're clearly gained a sense of respect for each other after this journey, and I'm confident to say that this is not a relationship that will ever be broken by the fabrics of time.

SUMMARY:

If your man makes you Green Eggs and Ham in the morning, that's not your man. That's Guy-Am-I's man.

I DONT WANT YOUR FUCKING GREEN EGGS SAM I AM!!!

They're spoiled

And you should feel bad for offering them

Even burning them won't make them taste better

I have tried

You have the good fortune to be gazing upon Miss Asthma Louise Soote, of the Poopwallow Meadows Sootes.

Since hatching on April 14, 2017, she has been in charge of everything. I do not mean to suggest that she has merely long been in charge here at Poopwallow Meadows: rather, she has been in charge of all known and unknown things in the Universe since then. She has been in charge of you, and so complete is her mastery and domination, that you likely had no idea.

Occasionally, she might seem brusque, impolite even, but she’ll have you know that she lays sage green eggs. Do you lay sage green eggs? She thought not.

She is one of the Soote Sisters (originally three, but now two, since Miss Cursive Louise’s passing this past summer) so named because their plumage resembles sooty Victorian linen apparel. Wrinkled but genteel ash-colored linen. Miss Asthma is the specific color of the sort of elaborate dust bunnies that might appear under a piece of fine furniture that has been parked on the parquet floor unmovingly for decades. Hence: Asthma. We told her it was the name of a Greek goddess, and she seemed satisfied.

Do not get in her way. This will not always be easy, because she often remembers appointments for which she is apparently late, and abruptly busts ass across the yard. In these instances, god help anyone of any species that might be in her path.

She always bathes first, and you will know if it is your turn if she does not hastily return to the abandoned dirt hole and kick your ass. She tolerates being picked up and held, as long as it’s obvious that she is being held in high regard. This requires a lot of cooing and exclamations about her beauty. She will relax, even nod off and snore elegantly, but know that when she awakens, she is often uncertain that she granted permission for contact, and she may (she will) flap and shriek hideously upon the realization that you had the audacity to touch her, publicly.