#greatlove

Ending. (noun) an end or final part of something, especially a period.

There was never an ending for things, only long pauses and, or twist and turns, that’s what I thought. But this love for you has come to a point where I wanted you to walk away like you always do, leave, without saying things, leave like it didn’t happen. I wanted you to go this time because if you won’t, I won’t ever love anyone anymore as I did you. And I don’t want it that way.

I believe that it was always summer with you, the freshness of the flowers, the bliss, that same feeling where you breathe in happiness. But the reality was that it has always been cold, a harsh heavy downpour of rain making me unbelievably sad all the time. It was drowning. And it was drowning me, silently. Maybe that’s why I never liked the rain in the first place. Because that was what I always felt with you. Like the way I felt last December, when you left, again. Cold, kind of harsh, and sad—for no absolute reason. Last Christmas, I was so sure I looked forward on spending it with you. It was like the song I always hear everywhere, “I was willing to give you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away.” That’s what you did. 

And now, done are the days that I kept thinking about myself being the convenient one, the reason why you keep on coming back. Because in fact, I have understood it fully that you didn’t really like me, you just liked the idea that I was always waiting for you to come back to me.

Today, as I write this letter, I realized that I wanted freedom from how I loved you. I wanted to love someone else, more than how I loved you, someone, even better. Someone who’d make me feel better. I needed to forget you. Because my heart is tired from running in circles, from the long pauses, from our twists and turns.

It was hard because you gave me something so ideal, so real that it’s too impossible not to fall for. You were like a drug, loving you has been so addictive the past years, that even if it hurts, I still love you, anyway. Because I thought, one day will come that we’d get tired of running in circles. I thought, one day, things will change, it will fall into its right places, and it will end up the way I prayed how it would be. I had always had that glimpse of hope that that day will come. Almost but not quite.

Maybe I was wrong. And the only thing that is right on my mind is that I always made you feel like you were too heavy for me, --- too little too much. Maybe, just maybe, that is the reason why we just almost had the chance but no one between us took the risk. Because you felt it, you felt it too-- that I was never ready for you.

They always say true love has a habit of coming back, only to lose them again. My love, I have lost you a hundred times before, in my thoughts, in my dreams and now I lost you again. And I hope you know that I don’t want you coming back anymore, this time, only for us to get our hopes high and still say goodbye.

Tenderly and dearly embrace your magnificent emotions with great love. 

1. Na nageexpress ako ng apprehension towards you.

Sabi ko gusto ko if one day bigla mo nalang akong hindi kausapin, kaya ko parin sarili ko. I think natakot ka dun. Ayaw moko masaktan and you thought I deserved better. You thought I didn't deserve someone na hindi sigurado. Pareho tayong babae so walang clear gender role kung sino dapat maninindigan sa nararamdaman niya. Hindi mo pa kayang panindigan lingering feelings mo sakin kasi nga baka lingering lang, you may just want closure. In short, hindi ka sure.

2. "J" said 1st mo ako, nagout ka because of me kaya special.

Pagkakwento mo palang, alam ko na na tatatak yun sayo. Baka kaya may lingering feelings. I can see you rationalizing your feelings. I will always be special kasi 1st ako. I get that. May sense and logic naman. But may gut feeling ako. When I asked you, hindi ka ba worried sa lack of sparks with "G" sabi mo, sabi ko nga, hindi lang dapat sa sparks. G loves you and he makes you feel secure. May direction na klaro. At least alam mo kung sino yung nagdadrive ng relationship. You didn't say you are so in love with him kaya you still want to be with him. There's a difference.

3. Your relationship with G was too short for you to really say na nabigyan mo kayo ng enough chance to workout. The way you refer to him, the way na i-flaunt mo siya sa social media, the way na boto mga tao sa inyo and the way that even tita was more concerned na baka saktan mo siya. It all tells me that he makes things easy. That's good I guess. He makes it easy for you to choose him daily. He has this effect on you. That's great.

What if it stops? What if it gets past the honeymoon stage and you guys start having problems? He better not fucking hurt you. Will you still choose him then? Right now, madali. But it will get hard. Right now, bukambibig mo yung kilig ng how he feels about you and how he expresses it. How about how you feel about him? What happened to not settling for people na hindi ka 100% in love with? I could be way wrong. But to me it sounds like he loves you, that's why you love him. See why that's wrong? Read it again.

So? What's my point? Ayaw ko ba kay G? No. On the contrary, I'm happy for you. You found someone who won't hurt you. I hope consistent siya. Sa kwento mo kasi he also had his red flags. To be fair, who doesn't? Between him and I mas gago ako. I'm risky and you're scared I might hurt you or you might hurt me.

So honest to goodness, I am happy for you. You made a choice that breaks your pattern na kung sino pinagseselosan yun yung kasunod, though technically di naman ako pinagselosan nung una. You' re trying to grow by doing things differently. Good for you.

May what if parin between us pero we may never get an answer and that's alright. I may be convinced na ikaw yung para sa akin but that's okay if you don't feel the same way. If we get another chance?

1. Ako na magdadrive ng relationship. I would reassure you na kahit pabago bago ka ng isip ikaw pipiliin ko, even when it's fucking hard. Even through your sadness or dark days. But also on days when you are giggly and flirty and naughty. Or just plain sweet and cute. Paghihirapan ko to make it easy for you to choose me but at the same time paparamdam ko sayong you make me happy rin because you do. You make me happy kahit makausap lang kita. I will show you na I deserve you and you deserve me rin. I will make myself worthy of you. It doesn't make sense anymore why I still love you but I do. It's not supposed to always make sense. Maybe I meet someone else at ikasal ako. Still I'm convinced, we will cross paths again, malay natin baka pag byuda na tayo pareho haha. Point is, When we are ready. Right now kasi mukang hindi pa. Hindi ka lang special sa akin kasi matagal tayo or dahil malaki naging impact mo sakin in life. I just know.

2. You won't have to rationalize how you feel but there will be sparks. I will make sure of it. Papakita ko sayong may future tayo na magwowork out tayo and I will do what I can to make you feel secure with me. I will remind you na hindi lang ako special sayo kasi 1st mo ako or dahil may lingering feelings lang na kailangan ng closure. I won't let it end anymore. Hindi na kita papakawalan if given the chance. I would fight for you, for us.

3. I will make sure that if we get another chance, no strings attached sa iba. Walang lingering with anyone else. You have to be okay on your own at hindi ako eeksena ng may G ka pa. If it's meant to happen, the universe will bring us back together somehow and we will make it happen. Masasaktan at masasaktan kita, pero kailangan mangingibabaw parin yung love. You won't ever have to settle for me. I promise.

For now, be happy. Kung kayo in the end, then okay. As for me, I will live my life to the fullest with or without you. Sakin lang, I won't love anyone half heartedly like I almost did with someone after you.

Do you think I can have one more kiss? I’ll find closure on your lips and then I’ll go.

Maybe, also one more breakfast, one more lunch and one more dinner. I’ll be full and happy and we can part. But in between meals, maybe we can lie in bed one more time. One more prolonged moment where time suspends indefinitely as I rest my head on your chest.

My hope, is if we add up the one mores it will equal a lifetime and I never have to get to the part where I have to let you go. But that’s not real, is it?

There are no more, one mores.

I met you when everything was new and exiting and the possibilities of the world seemed endless. And they still are, for you, for me, but not for us. Somewhere between then and now, here and there, I guess we didn’t just grow apart, we grew up.

When something breaks, and the pieces are big enough, you can fix it. I guess sometimes things don’t break, they shatter, but when you let the light in, shattered glass will glitter. And in those moments, when the pieces catch the sun, I’ll remember just how beautiful it was. Just how beautiful it will always be, because 

it was us, and we are magic, 

What is love? This question had been bugging the minds of people since time immemorial. Different perspectives by different people… this topic is actually very debatable. But what could be a universal definition of love? What is it, really? Simple: God. Nothing else can be a more perfect and accurate definition of the word. God is not just the epitome of love; He is Love Himself.

Proof of this can be seen through The Passion, a film portraying God’s immense and perfect love for humankind through Christ’s passion and death. For man has sinned, God sent His only Begotten Son to become Man and bring forth salvation and redemption for all. Although He could have chosen not to push through with the sufferings (He is God, after all), Christ still went on with it because of His love for us. He had been whipped, scorned, mocked, ridiculed… yet He still stood firm and saved us. If that is not love, I don’t know what is.

The film covers the last 12 hours of Christ’s life here on Earth, beginning with the Agony in the Garden where He wept and told God the Father,

“Father, if You are willing, let this cup pass from Me; yet not My will, but Yours, be done.”

This scene shows the human side of Christ, Him having His own will but still choosing to follow the Will of the Father, as He is perfect man. The film also shows a brief depiction of Christ’s resurrection.

In the Agony in the Garden, Christ’s passion was first suffered in His mind before He suffered it in His body. The beginning of Christ’s passion, therefore, was not when the high priests captured him, but while He was praying in the garden of Gethsemane. What was the most painful thing about all that had happened to Him was the one thing that human beings very much fear: rejection. Christ had been shunned by the high priests, betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter thrice, and left by His apostles… almost everyone who had close ties with Him abandoned Him during the most crucial stage of His life. As if these were not enough, those who wanted to kill Him also wanted Him to suffer. To these people, Christ was worth nothing. In fact, they wanted Him to be less than nothing, if at all that was even possible. Christ was not numb – He felt all this, and it was the most heart-breaking suffering He had to endure, much worse than the physical torture that He had received.

So to Him we owe everything. He saved us not just by any easy way – He saved us by becoming what we are, and sharing the human journey with us. He saved us by going through the same sufferings we endure, plus a whole lot more. He experienced hunger, thirst, fatigue, drowsiness, all at the same time… He shared with us our sorrows and spared us from eternal damnation. And most of all, He saved us by choosing to experience the one thing we humans dread the most.

When Pontius Pilate condemned him to death by crucifixion, the crowd saw Him standing in the praetorium in absolute disgrace – but what God the Father saw was different: Christ, in fact, was standing in absolute glory. His Divine plan was about to be fulfilled and all humans will be saved – including those who rejected Him and put Him to death. God was performing His last Act, and the curtains were about to be drawn.

On the cross, Christ kept on fighting. He never felt anger for the people, and even prayed for them:

“Father, please forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”

His Great Love for us overflowed even in this moment of pain and despair. After three hours of enduring this pain, Christ drew His last breath… and in doing so gave us Life. This is the greatest moment in history: the salvation of all men that transcends time and space. By giving His Life up, Christ gave us life: He gave life to the men of the past, His present, and those to come. For man has sinned, Christ came to redeem us and bring us the gift of everlasting life. Thus we say,

Great Love Rejects None by XUEMO