#graceywrites

i know what you do in your room all alone

i know how the tears on your pillow are now a part of the fabric

how your comforter used to be white but now it's blue as the ocean

how the air smells like the sea--the coast

salt

i know what you say to the dark

when it presents itself as your only lover

you think it's black cape can wrap you in and hold you tight

but soon, you'll forget how to breathe

and the sun won't come up in the morning

i understand only you can hear your cries

and only you can drown in the ocean you swim in

but i also know how only you can pull yourself out

there's an island not three feet from you

if you dare to look

but that is what's scary isn't it

looking up

imagining sunlight coming through darkness' cape

imagine it falling away

i understand

night is safe

night is warm

night also hurts

it's barbed wire wrapped in cotton

it's pretty nails picked to the nub

it's type writers falling off mountains

it's wooden desks burning

it's words

lost

and it's you

at your very worst

huddled up in a ball

too scared to look beyond your fingers

but take my hand

follow me

i will lead you to the light

and guess what

you'll be okay

you'll be better than okay

you'll finally be you

and hun

We went through a lot this year Gracey, but I think it has been the best, most year of growth in the longest time. I have grown so much, made so many new friends online, working, at school and in general. I have a better sense of myself and I have finally broken my biggest fear for the past three years--that I won’t make friends in university. Spoiler alert: you do! A lot of them and really good ones.

This year I also came out to myself as on the ace-spectrum and pan/bi. It’s been a really long process and I am still trying to accept myself. But maybe 2018 will be the year I come out. And start writing again, and actually go to counselling if I feel I need it and just keep growing. 

1. The perfect Saturday night for me is one of two things, either; me, home alone, it’s raining, I have made tea, and I have a really good book and a comfy blanket. *heaven*. Or: I’m with a few of my closets friends and we are either bingewatching something or having a board game night. :D Cause parties are terrifying. *shivers*

2. WRITING IS BAE. I love writing. I’ve always written since I was little. I wanna be a published author someday. Right now I’m editing a book I’ve been working on for four years and it’s KILLING ME. (in a good way)

3. I love tea. Like my friends all say she wants the “t” instead of the “d”. Hilarious aren’t they? But tea with cream is the best kind of tea. Also, Tim Hortons.

4. I am part Egyptian. My grandma grew up in Egypt and we just recently went to Egypt. BEST. TRIP. EVER.

5. I am OBSESSED with history…like I will read anything WWII I can get my hands on. But ancient history, war history, any kind of history interests me.

6. I am generally a very introverted quiet person, unless I am with my friends or family. Then they are always telling me to SHUT UP. I talk too loud. Funny strangers are always asking me to speak up. o.O

7. I am an INFP. So me and FEELINGS. I internalize a lot, and get be really deep, but i also have a side to me that is very petty, and I do have a temper. :O

8. I have one younger sister and she’s my best friend. <33 (usually)

9. I really enjoy climbing trees.

10. The top three things on my bucket list are in order as follow. 1. Get my book published. 2. Go to Europe. 3. Go to an SPN convention someday.

11. I want six children. And I also want to foster more children. Basically I want a lot of babies….and cats.

GUYS MY COMPUTER. MY BEAUTIFUL TOUCH SCREEN 800 DOLLAR COMPUTER THAT IS ONLY 2 YEARS OLD DECIDED TO CRASH. HOW AM I GOING TO DO NANO :O