#gr33nday4ever

im such a mess of emotions right now like im really sad that he ended things and i honestly (stupidly) thought that of all people /he/ wouldnt do that to me and i just thought i meant more to him but obviously not im also really angry bc the reasons he gave were fkn ridiculous like cmon its 2016 everyone lives on their phone technology is not the devil and also the music thing he obviously wouldnt understand bc its such a personal thing and how can you use something that means so damn much to someone as a reason to not be with them idk im still tempted to poison his tea at work mainly i just miss talking to him and i wanna be friends even if i cant have anything more bc we get on rly well and i wanna be there for him bc hes going through some shit and yeah but at the same time i dont just wanna forgive him bc he has made me literally feel so shit about myself i cant just let him walk all over me

oh and also it hasnt helped that i took it so badly that ive nearly ended up doing something stupid (dont worry tho bc im trying my best to not do anything i dont wanna screw up my 2 or 3 years clean however long its been lmao) but ive been so tempted and ugh

the one plus side i can think of is that even tho i dont get to make out with him any more it means i wont have to have the really awkward thing of ‘yeah so im ace and this is what that means and also i dont like sex so yah’ with the risk of getting dumped bc of that so thats cool