#gots08e04

that’s it. character development means nothing. time to wrap things up and don’t forget being hip edgelords. so after pulling through 30 bloody minutes of all the heterosexual couples hooking up, we have:

1. lol you thought tormund’s love to brienne was genuine? lol tormund would actually be ok with every woman ever! it’s not like he was the first man we’ve seen attracted to brienne’s strength and combat ability, which others found unattractive due to them being unconventional. he’s fine, that was just for the kicks, he ain’t that complex and it’s not like he vexed poetry to sandor about her and kept daydreaming about their future children or anything

2. lol you thought ghost mattered? nah man, we just put him there because ya’ll keep whining about him not being there. ghost being jon’s?? oh after sending him to the front lines with jorah (????) now he’s going off with tormund, but that’s not like he has personality or anything, he’s just a dumb blight on our budget, not an actual character which was with jon for many many years. jon would just like glance at ghost and be off. remember when ghost guarded jon’s actual dead body??? haha me neither!!!

3. lol you thought the sandor and sansa thing was heading somewhere and is going to pay off? nah sandor is limited to one (tm) interaction with a main character at all times, and we’re picking arya! so after bazillion seasons and all those subtle hints, we’d let them have a few words, and it’d SEEM like it’s leading somewhere, but then she’d just get up and leave! but hold your horses, she’s going to TOUCH HIS HAND. afterwards he’s leaving because we’re having him killing his brother because fans wanted that, and like, character development? haven’t heard of her

4. lol you thought that gendry/arya or jaime/brienne thing is going to work?? no no we’re too cool for school here. gendry is going to purpose to arya because he’s suddenly into being a lord now, and instead of communicating like normal arya will riddle me this an answer and not tell gendry she’s just not into being a lady of a castle, but she’d be happy to marry him! nope she’s suicidal now, we have a stark quota and we’re overbooked so they dying. 

and all that buildup with brienne??? no jaime decided suddenly he’s hateful (we’re not projecting or anything!!) and he’s gonna break brienne’s heart ‘cause after all his character development which made people who hated him in the begining actually like him now and understand him - the scenery of winterfell kinda reminded him that, so he’s jerky mcjerk now and all the joy brienne had is now moot. there’s prophercy to be had biatches (azor ahai??? bless you!)

5. missandei/grey worm?? don’t even get me started, i have a fridge to fill with dead woman here. cool how they somehow managed to capture her in an inexplicable manner to traumatize everyone!!! even better that her last word was really spiteful, telling her friend to burn people alive! whoopie! 

6. what are oaths, a book by sansa stark - or, how to make a very sudden political decision without talking with your ALL SEEING BROTHER WHO WAS RIGHT THERE SANSA. SITTING RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU. A FOUNTAIN OF WISDOM. but like i’d give it a pass because ned kept such secrets and he ended up dying and jon made such stupid decisions sansa you’re still precious hun but nothing good is going to come out of it all sorry babe why do bad shows happen to good characters 

7. also danny is demonstrating to the audience how to abuser 101, good thing she wasn’t previously subjected to abuse in the previous seasons and understood that’s an unhealthy way to conduct yourself with people you care about! we’re all about that character growth here

8. remember how mental illness works? neither do the writers of the scripts, but whatevez, really. let’s perpetuate the “crazy people dangerous!!!” thing, with the mad king and all, instead of giving it a more rationalized explanation regarding entitlement and visions of grandeur and whatnot 

9. remember danny already faced with the arrow-machine thing?? good, neither does she!!! you’d think she’d want to PUT AN ARMOR ON HER DRAGONS BY NOW, WITH THEM BEING BLACKSMITHS LOYAL TO HER JUST IN HER COURTYARD, AND LIKE, DOCUMENTATION OF IT HAPPENING IN THE PAST. learning from mistakes is dumb and there are dragons to be whammieddd so the stakes would seem higher and the odds of winning even worse! not like they faced actual death last episode, this episode would make sure enough time have passed so people would be actually worried who would win between the humans!

10. why murder characters when you can massacre their actual character amrite???

yeah i think 10 ought to do it that’s mostly it

i’m watching the next two episodes, i couldn’t fathom my expectations to be any lower than they already were (and were they low), but there you have it

i know you’re killing varys, another of my faves. fine. burn him up. whatevez. 

//makes shooing motion with hand