#gotpink

"As Freud has shown, blunders are not the merest chance. They are the result of suppressed desires and conflicts. They are ripples on the surface of life, produced by unsuspected springs. And these may be very deep - as deep as the soul itself. The blunder may amount to the opening of a destiny." - Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces

--------------

He wasn't usually like this. 

No, scratch that. 

He had never been like this. 

He had always been sharp and perceptive, able to manipulate individuals through a single word. He planned ahead; he studied the ticks and flaws of his foes first, always prepared for war. When people realize they were playing in a game, he had already won it. His years had been spent on reflective deliberation for a prosperous future. He will win at life. 

But this? 

This was beyond reason. And he was known to be a very reasonable person. 

This was a blunder. 

Something Park Jinyoung was not prone to do.

—

Fuck, ang sakit ng ulo ko. He didn't want to move. He would rather stay in bed all day and burrow in soft sheets to nurse his bloody headache. A day with nothing to do.

But that wasn't him. He didn’t laze around.

His head was throbbing hard. He couldn't remember what happened yesterday. This hadn't occurred before. He always knows. Anong nangyari kagabi?

Not remembering alarmed him. Complete with flashing red lights with an equally blaring siren ringing in his head. 

His brain took over and suddenly he was wide awake. 

He was in a room. White ceiling and plain walls. An armchair and a table near the window. The curtains were drawn. There was a lamp atop on an end table. His glasses folded neatly on the side. A fairly-furnished room. A bit dull. No personality or whatsoever. 

What am I doing in a hotel? And why am I naked? He spied his white shirt dangling on the armchair. Why he only noticed it now was beyond him. What puzzled him was why it was there and not on him. He never sleeps without his clothes on.

Jinyoung tried to move but he felt restricted; there was a weight on his body. A warm weight. No, a warm body. Lean and soft. A limb, perhaps? A lean, soft limb that was attached to a shoulder, attached to a head. A female head. A pretty, female head. With tangled black hair covering half of her face. Puffs of air making some of the strands float briefly.  

Sino 'to? 

He removed his arm from hers and sat up. Looked at her properly and belatedly noticed she was without clothes too. He glanced away. 

He wanted to panic then and there. But he remembered who he was. 

What the fuck happened last night?

He recalled the boys and the drinks, of course. They had gone out to play? No, to celebrate Jaebeom's successful business project. They were at a bar and they had too many drinks. Well, they had too many drinks. He never drank alcohol beyond his limit. At least he didn't until yesterday.

He peered at the stranger suspiciously. Her face did not elicit any memories from him at all.

He narrowed his eyes. Contemplated. Made a decision. 

He grabbed his shirt first. Then his boxers on the floor. Pants lain strewn by the bed. Socks inserted in his black oxfords. His blazer was in a sorry state near the door. 

Jinyoung was tucking his shirt neatly in his pants when she woke up. He froze in his spot. 

She sighed first, took several breaths before opening her eyes, still heavy with sleep. Blinked once, twice, thrice before it focused on him. He held his breath. A small smile graced her lips. And then, a raspy "good morning" escaped.

—Which snapped Jinyoung out of his suspended state. He inserted the hem of his shirt haphazardly now, then hoisted the zipper up of his pants before inserting his bare feet in his dress shoes. 

"Aalis ka na?" 

Obviously, he wanted to snap but he answered by balling his socks in his pants' pocket and fishing his phone out of his jacket. He didn't even look back when he closed the door on his way out.

—

On his way down in the elevator, he checked his phone. He had several missed calls and messages but he checked his email first out of habit. He sorted and flagged them by importance. He opened his text messages and was about to read Jackson's when Jaebeom's number flashed on the phone's screen.

He swiped.

"Fucking finally. It's about time you answered your goddamn phone!"

"And good morning to you, too."

"Tangina mo, we were worried about you. You disappeared on us!"

"Oh, did I?" Had he? Jinyoung looked at his reflection on the elevator's mirror. Mussed hair, rumpled shirt and wrinkled pants. Bloodshot eyes. A fucking wreck. 

"Yeah. Gago, na saan ka ba?"

"On my way home. I'll be at the office by 11."

"And the girl?"

He decided to ignore Jaebeom's question. "Make sure the team is prepped for today's meeting. Let's relay the good message."

He ended the call and leaned back. Tried to push the head-splitting headache with a massage on his temples. Hung over. He had never been hung over. 

First time for everything. 

—

He pieced yesterday's events from the snippets of messages sent by the boys. They had been at a snazzy bar when two girls approached their area. They'd flirted their way for free booze, stayed long enough to get high on alcohol and long enough for him to black out. But nothing about the girl. 

He didn't like not knowing. 

—

When he arrived in the office and relayed the "good message", Jaebeom cornered him in his office room.

"Where'd you go last night? 

"Nowhere."

"Nowhere pero wala ka sa bahay? I called your apartment and the security said hindi ka daw umuwi."

He ignored him. He hadn't even had coffee yet.

"Were you with the girl?" Jaebeom asked.

"What girl?"

"Yung girl na kasama natin kahapon malamang." Answered Jaebeom. 

"I don't remember any girl."

"Are you sure? E nawala rin siya nung na wala ka."

"I don't know where she went." A don't remember and a don't know in a minute. What a record-breaking day it is. Ilang beses na ba niyang na gamit at na isip iyon?

"But where did you really go? Nataranta na lahat noong napansin na nawala ka bigla. Si Yugyeom halos tumawag na ng pulis para magfile ng missing person report. Saan ka nga nagpunta?"

"Do I really have to answer this? Isn't this a moot point when I'm already here?"

Jaebeom stepped up. "It matters because you had us worried. Ano ba namang alam namin? Baka na aksidente ka na or what."

Will he leave him be if he tells the truth? "Fine. You want to know where I was? I was in a hotel, drunk as fuck. I wanted to sleep so I fucking slept there."

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa amin?"

"Whatever the fuck for? I'm an adult. I can do whatever I want. Kailangan ko pa bang ipaalam lahat ng gagawin ko?"

"That's not the point--"

"Then what is?" He challenged. He and Jaebeom had never butted heads before. They always saw each other eye to eye. Jaebeom didn't usually question him. Jinyoung had never given him the chance.

Jaebeom sighed. "Just tell us next time, will you? Hindi nang nagmumukha kaming tanga kakahanap sa'yo."

Whatever. "Fine. Pwede na ba akong magtrabaho?" He gestured to the door. 

Jaebeom left grumbling. The door closed but not before he heard, "So na saan na yung babae?"

—

The girl in question took him by surprise four months later when she approached him during his dinner.

In those last four months, he had had flashes of their encounter. Pliant lips against his own, fingers trailing her collarbone, nails digging in his back, a quiet muffled groan on his neck. Sweat and body liquid mixing. A satisfying release. No face, no words, just the still of the night and the pleasure of a company.

But he recognized her face from that morning. Black hair, heavy lidded eyes and lips that go well with a pretty head.

He didn't remember that slight bulge in her stomach though.

She sat across him in an area secluded inside a restaurant, seemingly nervous and scared. Jinyoung knew where this was going.

"How did you find me?" 

She started, frowned and twiddled with her thumbs. A tick. "I… didn't. Not this time anyway. I saw you in the news last week. I tried to look for you on Facebook after… after that morning pero hindi kita na hanap." 

As if he would waste his time on social media. 

"How did you know what name to search for?"

"Narining ko lang sa kaibigan mo that night. Junyoung? Jinyoung? I tried with those. I googled you but wala ring lumabas."

"Did you know who I was that night?"

"No, I… no. Sabi ni Joy—"

"So your friend knew but you didn't? Parang imposible naman 'yun."

"Um, no. Hindi niya rin alam. At least, not in the begi--"

Not in the beginning? So kailan pa? Noong na kama na niya kaibigan niya? "So, what do you want from me?"

"What?"

"By now, you already know who I am. You saw me in the news after all. I'm assuming you want something from me?"

"No, I… I don't know." She lowered her head. "That's not it."

Jinyoung leaned in. Mockingly, "You don't know? Not my name? My power? My money? Hindi ba yun yung pinunta mo dito?"

"No!"

He smirked. He knew he had her by the neck. "No? Are you sure?" Caught her eyes. "Are you sure that's even mine?"

"She's yours!" She said loudly and clearly. Surprised him a bit. A bit of her boldness shining through. But it dialed down, like her voice, down to a whisper. "I've never… You were my first. Walang iba."

Jinyoung scoffed. Unbelievable. "My friend says otherwise. He told me you came unto me. Multiple times. Mukhang sanay na sanay ka."

"That's not true! It was the other way around. You came unto me."

Napatawa siya ng malakas. "Me? Why would I want to waste my time on you?" He saw the hurt appear on her face. He pressed on. "You're no one."

Her lips quivered. Tears building in her eyes. She swiped them away before they fell. Unexpected. He had predicted water works as part of her plan. She had been using her fragility since the beginning of their talk after all. All the stuttering, avoiding his eyes, hunching over herself as if it would make her smaller. The tears should have been her first move.

"For your information, gusto ko lang na—"

"JISOO!"

Sabay silang napatingin sa may pintuan. An angry woman approaching them. 

"A-ate!" Jisoo stood and placed herself in between him and the newcomer.

"I told you not to go to him. Walang magandang maidudulot 'yan! He left after he had his way on you. Tapos hahabulin mo? Tanga ka ba?!"

The Ate turned to him. "And you! Wala kang kwentang tao. I hope you rot in hell!"

The people who had been ogling at them since earlier had the decency to look away when he threw them a glare. He sighed.

"Fuck," slipped from his mouth. 

"Yeah, fuck." The echo shocked him. He turned around and saw Jackson. "What the fuck was that?"

Putangina. He can't catch a break.

—

It was not supposed to be like this. 

Usually, it was Bambam on the hot seat and not him. He interrogated, found answers, if not demanded them. Not the other way around. 

"Why did you lie to us?" Jaebeom started. 

"It's none of your business." Sagot ni Jinyoung.

"Sagot, tangina!" Pasigaw ni Jaebeom.

"Uy pre, calm down nga."

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi na kasama mo yung babae? Hindi mo ba alam na halos mahimatay yung kasama niya kakahanap sa kaibigan niya?"

"Do you think we'd think lowly of you if you told us you had a one night stand?" Apila ni Jack.

Gustong tumawa ni Jinyoung. He opted for rolling his eyes instead. "Oh, please. You guys have done much worse."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means you fuck around too much and too often. I did it once tapos ganito yung i-aasta niyo sa akin? Nakarinig ba kayo sa'kin? Give me a fucking break."

"We fuck but we also don't lead them hanging nor do we impregnate them, Jinyoung." Seryosong sinabi ni Jackson. 

"Wow, tangina, ang romantic." 

Jaebeom approached Jinyoung. "Quit the sarcasm, Nyoung. No one is saying we have the higher moral ground than you. Gago at tarantado rin kami pero papanugatan namin yun." 

"It was a mistake." 

"A mistake? You don't make mistakes."

Jinyoung snorted. "Yeah, unlike you."

Jaebeom threw a punch in Jinyoung's direction, landing one in his right cheek. He retaliated by planting one in his brother's opposite cheek. Jackson eventually pulled them apart but Jaebeom wasn't done yet.

"You were a mistake but my mom gave you a chance and treated you like her own child. Don't throw your family away. Don't make the same fucking mistake like yours did!"

—

Later, Jaebeom took his seat beside him, pulling out a cig and lighting it up. They were silent, as they always were, even in their younger years. They could always understand each other without using words. Well, they used too.

It was Jaebeom who spoke first. "When we were kids, you used to tell me everything. Yung mga hopes and dreams mo, mga takot mo… lahat nang pumapasok sa isip mo. Ngayon, parang binabaliwala mo na lang ako. May problema ba tayo?"

"No. Wala."

"You know I'm still your brother. You can tell me anything. The things I said earlier…"

"Well, it's the truth, right? I was a mistake. Na iniwan lang ako sa tapat ng bahay niyo parang isang kuting."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Honestly, it's fine. I've been hearing it all my life. Maybe not from you or our family but people talk about it all the time. I'm used to it." Jinyoung shrugged.

"I regret saying that you were a mistake, Nyoung, because you're not. I'm sorry. You know we love you, right? Ma, dad, me and Yeri. You're our family."

"I know."

An uncomfortable silence settled.

Jaebeom eventually broke it. "So, what're you going to do about the baby?" 

"I… Don't know."

"Ikaw? Hindi mo alam? Christmas na ba para magka-milagro?" Napatawa lang si Jaebeom. 

"First time for everything." Tumingin si Jinyoung sa kapatid niya. It was unusual for him to seek advice, as it is his role, but with this… he wasn't sure. He hadn't been since that night. "What do you think I should do?"

"Sa totoo lang? I think you should give yourself a chance to get to know them. Malay mo, baka mahalin mo rin sila."

—

When Jaebeom left, he picked up his phone, pressed 1 and waited for his call to be answered. It didn't take long. 

"Hi, ma."

"Hi, honey. Napatawag ka? I miss you na. You never go here anymore."

"Sorry, ma. Busy lang sa work. I'll drop by soon, I promise. How are you?"

"Hay, eto. Trying to convince your dad not to go to Hawaii so soon after the surgery. He wants to relax daw but you know how he is during flights, baka magkaheart attack lang mid-flight. Can you remind him that his doctor ordered him to rest? I'd ask JB, but alam mo naman. Dad only listens to you."

"Yes, ma."

"Pag sabihan mo rin si Yeri. She maxed out her card again. I told JB to cut her off, but hindi kaya nun. He's her favorite."

"Ok, ma." 

"How about you, hijo? How's my baby boy?"

"Ma naman. I'm not a baby anymore. Ang tagal na." His mother laughed, which made him smile. "I'm ok. Just… I wanted to ask you something."

"What is it?"

This had always plagued Jinyoung, growing up. When he realized he was different from the other kids. He had never found the courage to ask, afraid to find the answer. Or the truth that he was just a tool to be used. A charity case. 

"Why did you take me in?" 

"What's wrong, anak?"

"I just wanted to know. Why you've chosen to raise and love me. You didn't even know who I was. I was a dirty kid in rags."

"What're you saying? You were five. How can we abandon you like that?"

"You could've taken me to the police or social services."

"We could have but we didn't. You didn't want to leave us. Don't you remember? Iyak ka ng iyak when we told you someone would take you away to find your parents. You also ran and hid with JB because you didn't want to be apart from each other. Sabi pa nga niya sasama na lang daw siya sa'yo. Hahaha!" Napatigil saglit ang mom niya. "And how could we let go of you as well? You made dad laugh and made JB feel less lonely. You made me cry 'cause you said you'd take care of baby Yeri so I can get some rest. You made us love you so much we couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

Jinyoung tried to hold a sob back. "Why didn't you adopt me, then? Bakit Park pa rin ako?"

He could hear his mom break apart on the other line too. "You didn't ask, anak. We wanted to give you the choice to accept us as your family, not because we dressed you and fed you, but because you love us too. We wanted for you to be an Im too."

He was openly crying now. "Is it too late?" 

She was, too. "It's never too late, my love."

"Thank you, ma. I love you."

"I love you, my son."

—

He was trying.

He tried to look for her first. He didn't know much about her so he started with her name. Jisoo. Jisoo with an older sister and a friend named Joy. On his own, he looked for Jisoo on Facebook but the search results produced so many Jisoos that he didn't find the one. Eventually, he gave up and called someone to investigate and they found her in a day. 

Bae Jisoo was 26, unmarried, an undergraduate, lived with 30-year old sister, Bae Irene, 5 months pregnant. Worked in a bakery. Parents died when she was 12. Both sisters were raised separately by relatives but eventually lived together when she turned 15. 

Her information brewed into his head for a whole month before he decided to take action. 

He visited her workplace. A tiny bake shop. She was by the counter, reading a book while absentmindedly rubbing her protruding stomach. The bell chimed when he entered, with Jaebeom in tow, and she looked up with a bright greeting before it slowly faded into nothing. 

He stared at her. Still the same heavy-lidded eyes but darker circles underneath. Complexion pale but not sickly. Hair tied loosely behind. 

"Hi."

"Hello."

"Can we talk?"

"Ngayon na?" She looked around, worried. There was no one else except for the three of them. "I'm working."

"I can wait."

So he waited and considered his next move. He didn't wait for long, however. A girl barged in the bake shop. 

"Jisoo, wala na yung gusto mong juice. Iba na lang pinili--oh. Sorry. Customers?"

"Seul, it's okay. Thank you. Um, pwede ba akong magbreak sandali? Ok lang ba na dito ka muna?"

Seul looked at them skeptically. "Ok lang naman pero sino sila? Na saan si kuya?"

"Pumunta lang ng bangko. Pabalik na rin siguro. Mamaya ko na lang ki-kwento. Please." 

"Ok."

"Sa labas lang kami. Thank you." 

She went ahead. Jaebeom tried to follow but Jinyoung shook his head. They needed to sort this on their own. 

"If you need me…"  

"Thanks JB."

Pag labas niya, nakita niyang nakasandal si Jisoo sa pader. Madali niyang linapitan. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I just need to sit down. I can't stand or walk for too long. Sumasakit likod ko." 

"Ok, we can sit over there." He nodded to a bench nearby. She waddled over to it and sat carefully. 

"How are you?" 

"I'm fine. You?"

"Fine."

He had a whole script memorized in his head about how the situation would go but silence ensued instead. Tried to recall the words but failed. 

Jisoo began instead. "Last time… I'm sorry about my Ate. Hindi ko natapos yung gusto kong ipa-hatid." She took a deep breath. "I really didn't know who you were then. Joy and I were just playing a stupid game. Malas lang na kayo yung naging ta

rget. Hindi ko naman talaga ginagawa yun pero… ewan ko ba. There was just something different about you. The things you said… I just wanted to comfort you. And it led to something else. It was a mistake."

She was twiddling with her thumbs again. A nervous tick then. "But it was a mistake that led to a beautiful blessing. And I… I just wanted you to know that." She looked at him. "I didn't want anything from you. I still don't." 

"Is it really mine?"

"Yes. Just you. No one else."

"Did I… do anything bad to you? That night?"

"If you're asking… no. Wala kang ginawang masama. We were both under the influence but you had my consent." 

"Ok." With his elbows on his knees, he looked at her. "Can you tell me what happened that night?"

"Alin? Kung paano natin ginawa yung baby?" She teased, which made him smile a bit. "I told you, didn't I? You came unto me."

"I'd never do it haphazardly, especially without not knowing who I was with first. I'm not the type of person."

"So you said then."

"What else did I say?"

"Marami. Sobrang dami."

"I'm not usually like that."

"Yes, I gathered. Have you heard of the expression, 'alcohol makes for loose lips and loose lips--"

"--sinks ships. Yes." What kind of incriminating thing did he say? Now he was getting anxious. "Can you answer my question now?"

"Okay. Sorry. Before Joy and I joined, you were already drinking heavily. Do you remember why? No? I didn't know either. You didn't tell me. Umalis ako para mag-CR tapos nagulat ako kasi sinundan mo ako. You told me that you felt out of place with your friends and that I also looked like I didn't belong there either." Jisoo bit her lips, shyly. "And that maybe we could belong together."

"Seryoso ka ba?"

"Ikaw yung nagtatanong tapos ayaw mong maniwala?" Jisoo rolled her eyes. "Pero, joke lang. Haha!"

"God, be serious."

"Fine! Killjoy nito. You then proceeded to tell me you were lonely and you wanted to be with someone who would understand. And then you kissed me."

"That's it? I didn't say anything else?" 

"Like what?"

"Something stupid? Embarrassing stuff? Things that will get me in trouble?"

"You said some embarrassing stuff…" She glanced at him and then away. Before coming back up. "But I'd rather not say it in public."

He cleared his throat. "Right."

"Pero… bakit nandito ka ngayon? Last time parang ayaw mong makipagusap." 

"Last time… I was a jerk. I'm sorry." He gestured towards her. "And I feel responsible for… this." 

Nanahimik lang si Jisoo. 

"I want to support you and the baby financially. I can give you provisions, anything you want. Kahit ako na ang sumagot ng lahat."

She frowned and was about to respond when someone called her name. She spotted Seungyoon advancing towards her.

"Jisoo."

"Kuya Yoon. Tapos ka na sa business mo sa bangko?"

"Oo. Ok ka lang? Sino siya?" Seungyoon nodded towards Jinyoung, eyeing him warily.

"Uh, siya yung--"

"I'm Park Jinyoung." He extended his hand for a shake. "And you are..?"

Tinignan ni Seungyoon yung kamay ni Jinyoung bago nakipagkamay. "Kang Seungyoon, pare."

"Siya yung owner ng bake shop." Jisoo supplied.

"Right."

"Nagtext si Irene. I-uwi na daw kita."

Sumimangot si Jisoo. "OA talaga nun ni ate. Wala pang 5. Undertime nanaman ba ako?"

"Alam mo naman yun." Seungyoon helped her stand up. He didn't let her hand go, Jinyoung couldn't help but notice.

"Um, bye." Jisoo waved her goodbye but Jinyoung wasn't finished yet. He fished his wallet and produced a small business card.

"You can think about it first. Once you make up your mind, you can call or message me." He handed it to her. 

She accepted it. "Ok. I will."

He watched her walk away. He pulled his phone out and called Jaebeom. "Let's go."

—

He didn't hear from her until two weeks later. In those weeks, he thought long and hard on how to break the news to his family and friends. There were many hindrances that seemed to follow him, his lack of time and words that won't come easily to him. One thing's for sure was that he had to hear her answer first before he made a move. 

Jinyoung was planning on visiting her again by the end of the week but he received a call from her right then. 

"J-Jinyoung?" But she sounded off.

"Bae Jisoo? What's wrong?"

"Ang ugh sakit. Tulungan mo ako." She whined at the other end.

Abruptly, he stood up and went to fetch his coat on the rack, all while speaking to her on the phone. "Where are you? Fuck, manganganak ka na ba?"

She groaned. "I don't know. Ayoko manganak sa CR ng company building niyo. Help me, please."

He stopped before he could open the door. "What? Anong ginagawa mo dyan? Which floor?"

"I w-wanted to--ow--talk to you. Bilisan mo. Nasa first floor ako, last cubicle."

"Fuck, ok. Wait, I'll send someone over. Hang in there. I'll call you in a minute. Don't give birth there."

She was crying now. "Ok."

Jinyoung rang Jaebeom. "Hey, can you go or send someone in the women's bathroom on the ground floor? Last cubicle."

"What?"

"Jisoo's there. Manganganak na ata. I can't go there. Baka magka-skandalo pa." 

"Seryoso ka ba? Tangina, wait. I'll send Yeri over. Nandito siya sa office ko ngayon."

"Not Yeri, God. Blabber mouth yan, hindi ko pa nasasabi kayla Dad." Jinyoung was pacing in his office, biting his thumb.

"Puta, eh sino? Ako? Eh di ako naman ang nalagot. Yeri's fine. Bribe ko. Pababain ko na lang. Tangina, manganganak na? Why is she here if she's about to give birth?"

"I don't know. Bye." A second later, he rang Jisoo. "Hey, my sister will come over there to pick you up. How are you?"

"Ang sakit-sakit. Punta ka na, please. Dalhin mo ako sa hospital." 

"Susunod ako. My youngest sister will bring you there." She was crying on the other side and trying to hide her hiccups. "Bakit ngayon pa?"

"I'm s-sorry. I didn't plan it."

"Nobody did." He replied, which felt like the wrong thing to say at the moment, but he couldn't help it. Everything was going shitty so fast. He hadn't even had time to thoroughly think about his proposal about supporting them. 

Just then, he could hear Yeri's voice echoing in the receiver, calling out a hello, Jisoo? Kuya said to look for you. Helloooo? 

"That's her. Sumama ka sa kanya and let her know which hospital you want to go. Susunod ako after."

"Ok."

He hung up when he noticed Jaebeom entering his office. He returned to his seat, massaging his temples. 

"Now what?"

"Yeri's bringing her to the hospital. Of all people pa. Why was she even here?"

"Just wanted to complain about something. I told her to be discreet, don't worry. No funny business." Jaebeom looked at him strangely. "Bakit nandito ka pa? Hindi ka ba susunod?"

"Mamaya na." At his brother's raised brow, Jinyoung shook his head. "It's 3 in the afternoon, JB. I have work to do."

"And your baby momma's about to give birth. So ano na, Nyoung?"

"You know I can't just… I have a lot on my plate."

Jaebeom sighed heavily. "Tangina. Fine. I'll do you a favor just this once. Sasamahan ko ngayon pero next time, please. Ikaw na ang umasikaso. This is your child for God's sake." He was about to leave when he turned around. "Jinyoung, I know work is important to you as well but you have other priorities now. Pag tumawag si Yeri, and you know she will, sagutin mo. Tell her the truth."

"I will."

—

"Hello, Yeri." 

"Kuya, oh my God?! You have a baby?! And a wife?!"

"Hello, Ye. And no. Not my wife nor my girlfriend. It's complicated. But yes, my baby, I think."

"Since when? When did you plan to tell me?"

"I was going to tell you soon. Kaso… well, nabuko na. Just don't tell mom and dad first, okay?"

"Kuya JB said din. I won't tell them, I promise. Pero kuya, you should've been here. She was so scared! I was so scared! I couldn't understand what the doctor was saying."

"I'm sorry."

"She kept asking for you. Where are you daw or like, are you on your way? She was so kawawa, kuya."

"I'll be there in an hour. Just tying up some loose ends here."

"Ok. She's sleeping right now so I shouldn't be noisy. You have to tell me the whole story, later. Kuya JB and I will go home soon. So hurry up, ok?"

"I will. Thanks, Ye. Ingat sa pag uwi."

—

He had planned on making the trip brief as much as possible. Jinyoung was hoping she'd still be asleep by the time he got there but as such, she was awake and spacing out.

He approached her quietly, as to not startle her. "Hey. How are you?"

"Hey." She smiled weakly. He stood at her side, awkwardly. "I'm okay. False alarm."

"What did the doctor say? Why were you in pain?"

"Oh, uh, fake contractions lang. Braxton-Hicks yung tawag. It will happen from time to time daw. But it shouldn't be that serious or painful. Medyo mababa lang talaga pain tolerance ko."

"Okay."

Jisoo tried to sit up but had difficulty in doing so. Jinyoung had to support her back and shoulders to be fully seated upright. When she was settled, she had her hands around her round belly but she wasn't looking at him anymore. "Bakit ngayon ka lang? Kanina ko pang gustong umuwi."

"Aren't you staying in the hospital?"

"No, I can't afford it plus wala akong guardian."

"Ako na ang bahala sa payment. And what do you mean wala kang guardian? Didn't you tell your ate where you are?" He crossed his arms.

"No."

"And why not? Won't she wonder kung na saan ka ngayon?"

"Magagalit lang yun pag nalaman niyang… I'll tell her I'll be at a friend's house until tomorrow morning. Tsaka, hindi pa tayo naguusap." She glanced at him. "Pwede kang umupo."

So Jinyoung sat on the lone chair by her bed. He was still in his suit jacket and slacks. Not the most comfortable outfit to wear in the hospital to be honest. He removed his blazer and laid it by her feet. 

"I want to accept your help. Whatever you're willing to give." Jisoo started. "But let me be clear: I'm not after your money. I want you to be a part of her life. Ayoko siyang lumaki na hindi niya kilala ang ama niya o isipin niyang wala siyang tatay. Mahirap kapag walang magulang, Jinyoung. I don't want her to experience it. That's the only trade off. Is that ok?"

"I also have to tell my family about it eventually. They would want to be a part of the baby's life too."

"That's fine by me. Just… you need to be there with her too. Not just me."

"We'll sort out the details later." He should leave now. It was late and she should be getting more rest. But Jinyoung noticed her wincing and hunching over her stomach before he could grab his suit jacket and prepare to leave. He leaned over the railings. "Are you ok? Is it the fake contraction again? Should I call the doctor?"

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Ok lang ako. That's not it. She's just moving around. Medyo makulit siya. Here, you can feel her too." She pulled his hand to her stomach. 

Jinyoung felt a thump against his palm and then a wallop. "Weird."

Jisoo chuckled. "Super weird. Makulit like me, I guess."

When the baby stopped moving, he withdrew his hand and hid it in his trouser's pocket, stretching his fingers. It was a strange sensation, touching her bump, like a balloon filled with water inside being swung to him that won't break.

"Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Wala ka bang ibang matatawagan para masamahan ka? Yung Seul or Seungyoon dun sa shop?"

"Pag tinawagan ko sila, malalaman ni ate kung na saan at kung bakit ako nandito."

"How about Joy? From the bar?"

"Hindi kami naguusap ngayon. Well… not exactly. Pinagbawalan akong kausapin si Joy ng ate ko."

"Is your sister's word the law? Are you a kid para pag bawalan ka pa? Bakit parang takot na takot ka sa kanya?"

"It's not like that. Ate Irene is very kind and loving. Halos siya ang nagpalaki sa akin nung namatay parents namin. She went through so much para i-try kaming buhayin. Ayoko lang siya ma-disappoint ulit."

Malalim huminga si Jinyoung. Napagisip. Pero hindi na lang sinabi ang napag-tanto niya. Besides, if he was to spend the night at the hospital, he wouldn't want to upset yung kasama niya. Magiging awkward lang ulit sila. Hinablot na lang niya yung jacket niya para ilagay sa likod ng upuan. Mahirap na baka magusot pa lalo.

"Aalis ka na?" Tanong ni Jisoo, tulad ng tanong niya ng umagang yun, 6 months ago. Tinignan lang siya nito, na parang hinahanda niya ang sarili niya sa sagot na maririnig. Naitatakuwil siya. 

Hindi na siya nagpaliwanag at tinulungan na lang ulit ihiga si Jisoo, habang pinagmamasdan ito hanggang sa pag tulog.

Jinyoung was never a light sleeper, so as soon as he heard someone talking and felt someone touching his hair, he woke up. It was Jisoo, of course he knew that. Normally, he would shrug anyone off who would dare touch him but he was mildly curious. He kept still and just listened.

"Sana kamukha mo dada mo. Sana lahat ng maganda, mamana mo sa kanya. Gwapo dada mo, baby. Makapal din buhok. Hindi katulad ni mommy na ang nipis. Pero sana hindi mo mamana yung ugali niya, wala atang sense of humor yun. Simangot lang alam. Hahaha! Shh, secret lang natin yun baby. Baka simangutan ulit ako."

Oh? Walang sense of humor? Simangot lang ang alam? We'll see about that.

Slowly, Jinyoung raised his head and turned to look at her, keeping a steady eye contact before giving her a small smile. "Good morning."

This seemed to startle Jisoo, who blinked once, twice, thrice, before snatching her hand away from his hair. His smile grew wider. 

"Hi. Narinig mo yun?"

"Ang alin?" He feigned, which made her relax a bit, but not for too long. "Yung part na wala akong sense of humor, simangot lang ang alam o yung gwapo ako?"

She flushed red at that and was so flustered she hid her face in her hands. He chuckled. 

"Good morning, Ate Jisoo, I---oh kuya! You're here!" Yeri greeted. She turned around and talked to the person behind her. It was Jaebeom. "Kuya, he's here. I told you he'll visit her."

"Yeri, what are you doing here?" Napatayo bigla si Jinyoung.

"We brought breakfast for Ate Jisoo!" She emphasized with the paper bag in her hand. "Kuya JB said she might be hungry eh."

"She wouldn't call anybody when we left her after dinner. Hindi rin ako sure kung pupunta ka ba...  Baka di pa siya kumakain." Jaebeom looked at him, up and down. "Did you stay the night?"

"Yeah." He said while trying to get rid of the crick in his head. His shoulders were also stiff from his sleeping position last night. He didn't look at Jaebeom. He might say something he wouldn't want to hear so early in the morning.

"Ate Jisoo, you're so red! Are you okay? Do you have lagnat?" Yeri came to her side and checked her temperature. "Hmm."

"Ay, um, I'm ok. Thank you. Anong food na dinala niyo? Ang bango."

"Oh, these are just veggies, eggs, beef and rice. Our nanay made it so masarap."

"Tapsilog, yun lang yun." Pasabi ni Jaebeom, habang linalabas yung tupperware na may kanin, itlog at tapa. Meron ding longganisa at bangus. Salad. "I didn't know what you liked so nagdala ako ng extra."

"Wow. Salamat, ha." Nginitian niya si Yeri with a lot of affection. "Sana kasing cute and sweet mo yung baby." Sabay tingin kay Jinyoung. "Kain na tayo?"

"I'm just going to buy coffee. You want anything?"

"I can't have caffeine. Water na lang, please."

"Right, okay." 

"Sabay na ako." Inakayan bigla ni Jaebeom si Jinyoung bago pa ito magprotesta. Bata pa sila nung huli niyang ginawa to. When they spotted the vending machine, he removed his arm around Jinyoung. He crossed his arms and leaned next to the vending machine. "Since when did you start liking cheap coffee?" 

Hindi niya sinagot. Hinintay niyang magawa ang kape niya. 

"You slept here?"

"Hadn't I answered that already?" 

Napatawa lang si Jaebeom. "I'm glad you chose to follow my advice. Have you guys talked about the situation? Ano na ang gagawin niyo?"

"We talked. Pumayag siya na tumulong ako." 

"I'm guessing there's a catch?"

"Yeah. She said she wants me to be a part of the baby's life." He took a sip of the coffee. Awful. "Whatever that means."

"Right. So ano na ang sasabihin mo kayla mom and dad?"

"I don't know. I just have to do it before akong maunahan ni Yeri. Alam mo naman yun." He reached for the vending machine again to get Jisoo her water. "I'll find time to do it soon. Oh, saan ka pupunta?"

"Sa office. Thursday pa lang. I have work to do." At Jinyoung's panic expression, Jaebeom laughed. Siya pa ang nakalimot na weekday pa rin? How unlike him. "You can afford to be late or take a day off, Nyoung. Tatakbo pa rin ang kumpanya without its VP rep. Hatid mo na lang si Yeri pati yung baby momma mo pauwi. Later!" He waved his goodbye and walked away. 

Jinyoung hurried over to Jisoo's room. How could he forget that it was only Thursday? He had things to finish at the office as soon as possible. Jisoo was still eating when he arrived while chatting with Yeri happily. He grabbed the jacket and slung his arms in it. 

"Kuya, aalis ka na?"

"Aalis na tayo. I'm going to settle the bill and get the car going. Do you have a class today? Do you have work?"

Yeri nodded while Jisoo shook her head. "Ok, text me when you guys are done." 

—

Jinyoung dropped Yeri at school first. It was past 10 in the morning already. He should've been in the office an hour ago. He was debating whether to go home or just shower in the office when Jisoo told him to stop in front of a run down building. Her apartment building. They've arrived. 

She was unclasping her belt and thanking him when she muttered a "shit" under her breath. Her eyes focused behind him. Napatingin siya at napamura rin ng "shit."

Yung Ate.

Yung Ate na nakatitig ng masama sa kotse niya. Malakas ang loob ni Jinyoung na alam niyang nandoon si Jisoo. 

"I'll talk to her."

"Um, is that a good idea? Ako na lang ang bababa at kakausap kay ate." 

"No, we should settle this as soon as possible." Technically, he didn't have the time to do this but he didn't want to delay it further. He undid his belt and didn't wait for her to get out of the car. In hindsight, he should've known that it was a bad idea. The last time he saw the Ate, he was told to go to hell. Maybe he should've listened to Jisoo after all, because as soon as he was seen by the ate, she charged at him with so much ferocity that even with her petite appearance, she looked menacing. 

.

"Why the fuck are you here?" She glowered at him. "And where the fuck is my sister?"

"Ate, please. Wag kang sumigaw." Jisoo was already at her sister's side. She was quick despite her state. 

"And you! Staying at a friend's house? I went to the Kang's place pero wala ka doon. Nakuha mo pang magsinungaling? Eh kasama mo lang pala 'tong gagong 'to!"

"Nagusap lang kami. For the baby. Ate Irene, please sa loob na lang natin pag usapan." Himawakan niya ang braso ng Ate niya. 

"Para saan pa? Magsisinungaling ka lang rin naman sa harap ko. Be honest, Jisoo. Ano bang habol mo dito? His money? His name?"

"It's not like that. Can you calm down and listen first?" Jinyoung interjected.

"You fucking stay out of this. We wouldn't be in this shit if it wasn't for you!"

She was getting on his nerves. Fuck. He was trying to offer his assistance tapos ganito lang yung ibabalik sa kanya? "How can I help if you wouldn't listen? This isn't even for you but for the baby."

"Oh, now he cares. Ang galing mo rin eh." Irene crossed her arms and gave him a sneer. "Nasaan ka the last 6 months habang umiiyak at nagsusuka yung kapatid ko dahil delicate ang pregnancy niya? Where were you when you left her in a fucking hotel room, scared to shit because she was in pain? It wasn't you who helped her get back to her feet. It was you who left her in pieces." 

"Is that important now? I'm here, aren't I? I'm taking responsibility."

"Good for you. But it's too late for that." She grabbed Jisoo's arm and started pulling her away from Jinyoung. But Jisoo stood her ground and shrugged her sister off. 

"Ate, please. Makinig ka muna. He'll do good. He's making up to us." 

"Is this your decision?" Irene gave Jisoo a leveled look. "Are you choosing him over me?"

"Ate, no! Hindi sa ganun pero--"

"Fine. Simula ngayon, wala na akong kapatid. Wag ka nang babalik dito. Hindi na kita kailangan."

"Ate?" Jisoo blinked. Jinyoung, too, was confused.

"I'll leave your things at Seungyoon's. Kunin mo na lang. You can pick it up tonight. I don't ever want to see both of you again."

Irene left.

Jisoo was visibly shaken by Irene's outburst. She didn't even realize that she was crying. Jinyoung had to keep an arm around her, lest she fell. She looked like she was about to. He tried to console her but they were in the middle of a public area and people were already looking. He gently guided her to the car and into the passenger's seat and sat her down, fastening her seat belt on. He crouched at her side. 

"Jisoo. Jisoo, please stop crying. She's just mad. She doesn't mean it. We'll let her cool down first. I'll take you home. You can stay with me. Ok?"

He didn't let her answer. He got in the driver's seat and was clutching the wheel when she grabbed his hand. She was trembling, still in tears, and she needed him to comfort her. But Jinyoung was never good at comforting anyone. Not even himself. He removed her hold on him. He squeezed her once before folding her arm back to her side. "Jisoo, I have to drive. Don't cry, please." 

Jinyoung started driving and quickly lost himself that he didn't even notice that Jisoo had stopped crying and had been in a deep state of slumber when they arrived at his apartment. He shrugged the belt off and was about to wake her up but thought better of it. 

She was quietly whimpering while sleeping. He reached out and tried to swipe away the tear-stained tracks on her cheeks with his thumb. What a fucking day and it was only after 1 in the afternoon.

He produced his phone out from his coat pocket. "JB, I might not drop by the office today. Can you let my secretary bring my laptop and tablet to my apartment? I'll work at home for the meantime… no, yeah. Yung Ate niya. Ok. Yes, that would be great. Thanks."

"Aalis ka na?" 

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Hindi sumagot si Jisoo. Hindi niya maipinta ang mukha ng babae. May lungkot pang bakas ang ito, pero walang buhay ang mga mata. Hindi niya gusto ang itsura nito. "Hindi ako aalis. Sasama ka sa akin."

At his answer, she nodded and glanced at his hand. This time, he reached for hers and held it against his own. "You can stay with me."

—

At 3, his work space was set up and Jisoo was asleep in the guest room. He was talking to Jaebeom on the phone.

"Nagwala yung Ate niya sa labas. Pinalayas si Jisoo. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko."

"Let her stay with you. Hangga't sa magkabati sila."

"Obviously. Pero ayoko siyang magisa lang dito."

"Work from home?"

"No, I can't. I have to be physically in the office because we're still in the transition phase."

"Maybe it's time to tell our parents."

"You think so? I'm worried because of dad's condition. Baka mabigla sila masyado."

"'Sus yun pa! Matagal ng humihingi ng apo sa akin yun, sa'yo pa ba? It's fine. Worse case scenario baka ipakasal kaagad kayo to make it official. But I don't think they'd be mad or disappointed. Alam mo naman yun…"

"Yeah, maybe. I'll give ma a call on Saturday. Or have them come over." Before Jinyoung dropped the call, he asked Jaebeom for a favor. He had him fetch Jisoo's things at the bake shop. He didn't have any women's/maternal clothes lying in his closet after all. 

He thought about what Jaebeom said. If his parents asked him to marry Jisoo for the sake of propriety, would he? He understood that some marriages weren't always built on love and this one was exactly like that, but committing to someone was something more permanent and significant he saw in his forthcoming years. At this point in his life, he wished to excel more in his career and achieve greater heights. Prove himself to be worthy. But being tied down to obligations he didn't intend to have yet was going to make it complicated. She wasn't part of the plan. They weren't part of his future. 

He felt a grip of sheer dread at the image of his failure and disappointment because of one tiny blunder. He should've known better than to bet against his own judgement. Why? Why did he have to do something so preposterous that night? What had gotten into him?

Jinyoung's attention was so misplaced that he barely heard the doorbell ringing and didn't notice Jisoo waking up to open his front door. It was when he did hear the door close that he chose to go out of his home office and check whether Jaebeom had gotten the stuff he was asking for. To his surprise, it wasn't his brother in his house but Jisoo's friend from the shop.

"Nagkita na kayo before. Seulgi si Jinyoung. Jinyoung si Seulgi." Madaling pakilala ni Jisoo.

"Um, hi. Pinadala lang sa akin yung gamit ni Jisoo." Binaba ni Seulgi yung bag na puno ng damit ni Jisoo at itinabi sa gilid. Pinunas niya ang kanyang mga kamay sa kanyang pantalon. Kabado. 

"Kamusta na si Ate? Anong sabi niya?" 

"Sabi lang niya kapag may naghanap na ng gamit mo, ibigay na lang. Wala siyang ibang sinabi. Ano bang nangyari? Bakit niya inimpake mga damit mo? Anong ginagawa mo dito? Ok ka lang ba?"

Too many questions. Not enough time. Not enough patience. "Pinalayas siya. Dito muna siya. Makakaalis ka na." 

Nagulat lang sa pabiglang sagot ni Jinyoung ang dalawang babae. Ngunit hindi niya na pinansin at muling bumalik sa kwarto para magtrabaho. 

As soon as he was inside his room, he regretted saying it. What the fuck is my problem?

Jisoo came in a few minutes later. She stood with her back against the door of his office, her distress and unease evident on her face. "You didn't have to say it like that."

Jinyoung didn't turn around and sighed. "I'm busy."

"I just want to know kung bakit ganun kang umasta. Hindi mo siya kilala. At kahit kilala mo pa siya, hindi mo pa rin dapat kausapin ng barubal."

Jinyoung scoffed and turned to her, crossing his arms. "Ano ba ang dapat at hindi ko pwedeng sabihin? Ka anu-ano mo ba yun at dapat pang kwentuhan ng nangyayari sa buhay mo?"

"Kaibigan ko lang naman siya pero tinuturing kong pamilya kaya wala kang karapatan na pag salitaan siya nang ganun."

"Bakit hindi ka na lang sa kanila tumuloy? Tutal wala rin naman tayong relasyon. Hindi naman kita pamilya at wala rin naman akong pakielam sa'yo!" Pasigaw na sagot ni Jinyoung. He could see how much his words hurt Jisoo but it wasn't like he could take the words back. And it wasn't like it wasn't the truth. 

"You're right. Sorry, nagassume ako." With that, Jisoo finally left him alone. 

Jinyoung pushed the incident at the back of his mind and went back to work. He didn't know how long he stayed like that, and it wasn't until his stomach grumbled that he realized how late it had turned. It was already half-past 8. He wondered if Jisoo had eaten.

But Jisoo wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere in the apartment. 

He called Jaebeom. "She's not here. I don't know where she is. I think she left."

"She did." 

"What? How did you..?"

"Seulgi told me. She's at Seulgi's." He heard Jaebeom sigh. "Gago ka talaga, Nyoung. Sana hindi mo na lang siya dinala dyan kung paalisin mo lang rin."

"It wasn't like that."

"It's exactly like that. Pag alis daw ni Seulgi pagkatapos mong bastosin, madali ring lumabas si Jisoo buhat-buhat yung mga gamit niya. Umiiyak. Buti hindi pa nakaka-alis sa building si Seulgi kung hindi, saan na pupulitin yung mag-ina mo? Tangina, Jinyoung. Hindi na kita maintindihan." 

"Sa tingin mo ako, alam? What the fuck should I do then? Mukha namang, you've got it figured out." 

"Kailangan mo pa bang itanong yan, you selfish asshole? Be a decent person. Treat her as an equal and get off your high horse!" 

Binabaan siya ni Jaebeom pagkatapos sermonan. Gustong ihagis ni Jinyoung yung telepono pero nag pigil siya at binuksan ang messages niya para hingin kay Jaebeom yung number at address nung Seulgi. 

—

At 10, Jinyoung was parked outside Seulgi's place. Currently, he braced himself with his arms on the steering wheel, hunched down. 

He had been there for 10 minutes. He had been considering going up and fetching Jisoo, which he knew was the right and proper thing to do, but shame and pride ate his thoughts first. Last time, he had Jaebeom to encourage him to approach her but now he only had himself. 

A thought passed. It's late anyway. Baka tulog na. I should just pick her up tomorrow. 

Reaching a decision, he prepared to leave but halted when Jisoo appeared outside the building. He regarded her. 

QNaka tayo lang siya sa labas habang hinihimas yung tiyan niya, kinakausap nanaman siguro yung baby. Tumitingin-tingin sa paligid paminsan-minsan. Mukhang may hinihintay.

Seeing her made Jinyoung gather his courage and opened his car to approach her. She recognized him immediately. Although he spotted something akin to delight in her appearance for a brief second, she quickly masked it in favor of mild upset.

Nagkatinginan lang sila. Tapos sabay na---

"Uwi na tayo?"

"Galit ka pa ba?"

Napangiti lang si Jinyoung. Si Jisoo naman, kinagat lang ang labi. "Hindi na ako galit. I'm sorry about earlier. I'm sorry I was rude to your friend."

"Hindi ka dapat sa akin nagso-sorry. Kay Seulgi dapat."

"And I did. Sa text. Pero pwede ko rin siyang kausapin ng harap-harapan."

"Tulog na siya."

"Ikaw? Bakit hindi ka pa tulog? Hinihintay mo ba ako?" Jinyoung teased.

Jisoo rolled her eyes. "Bakit naman kita hihintayin? Di ba pinaalis mo ako sa bahay mo? Wala ka ngang pakielam, di ba?"

"Jisoo… I'm sorry I said those things." He looked at her straight in the eye. "It wasn't exactly a lie. I don't know you well enough to care about you. But I'm here, aren't I? And I told you: you can stay with me. Until the thing with your sister thaws out."

She blinked. "You're here for me?"

He nodded. "Let's get your things para makauwi na tayo at makapagpahinga ka na." 

"Ok."

—

"So, how's married life?" 

It was Friday night and like any other Friday nights, he and the boys were drinking out. 

Jinyoung threw an irked glance at Jackson, who was grinning at him like the fool that he was. He was nursing his first drink of the night. He swirled his whiskey and didn't bother correcting him. He knew he and Jisoo weren't married.

That didn't stop Jackson from pestering him though. "I heard that women, who are pregnant, are extremely hormonal. So? Ano na ba? Naka round two ka na ba kay missus?"

He didn't bother answering.

"Boss, isa ngang Jack D diyan." Bambam came over to their place in the bar and squeezed between Jackson and Jinyoung. He faced Jinyoung. "Pare, ang hina mo naman. Hindi ka naman ganyan a few months ago. Inom pa. It's on me."

"Ayaw ng malasing niyan. Natatakot baka may magawa nanaman." Jackson guffawed at his own joke. Bam was clearly puzzled but joined Jackson anyway. 

He hadn't told the others about his situation yet. He didn't want to. 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and drank his alcohol in one go. He stood up and went over to the others. He flopped beside Youngjae, who was busy on his phone; he'd been preoccupied with his phone ever since arriving in the bar. Briefly, he wondered if it was a woman. Or work. He could never tell with Youngjae. 

He raised his hand for another and asked for a Napoleon. He took a sip when he was handed one before downing it all. He asked for bourbon next but it didn't last long before he asked for another one, one after the other, until he couldn't keep track of the liquor he'd practically inhaled.  

The boys were throwing him worried looks but he didn't concern himself with it. They were going to start asking questions; questions he didn't want to answer. 

"I think that's enough." Jaebeom said as he watched him take up another shot. He upped it before he could be stopped. "Where are you going?"

It took a lot of his willpower not to slur his speech. "I'm going to take a piss. Bakit? Sama ka?" He didn't wait for him to answer. 

Jinyoung took a leak, washed his hands and exited the restroom, only to find Jaebeom leaning outside with his arms crossed. He had a stern look on his face, reminiscent of their dad's look when he was about to scold them for fighting. 

Jinyoung didn't like it. "You don't have to follow me around. I'm not a kid."

"But you're acting like one."

He sighed. "What do you want, JB?"

"Why are you still here, Jinyoung?"

He was buzzed but that didn't cloud his sharpness. He knew which direction this talk was going. Didn't mean he could pretend and feign ignorance. "Traditionally, we get sloshed on Fridays. Well, Yugyeom does anyway." 

Jaebeom scowled. He knew him too well to see through the act. "Jisoo's waiting. Umuwi ka na, Nyoung."

"No one asked her to." 

"She wants to though, because she's worried."

"How would you know? Hindi naman kayo close."

"Informed ako. Unlike you."

"Informed by Seulgi? Please, JB. Spare me. Alam ko na yang mga galawan mo. You think I wouldn't figure it out after you sent her to my apartment with Jisoo's belongings? Don't make it more complicated than it is by involving yourself with her."

"Leave Seulgi out of this." Jaebeom was clenching and unclenching his fist, Jinyoung observed. He clearly touched a nerve when he mentioned Jisoo's friend. Curious. 

Surprisingly, Jaebeom didn't dwell on the Seulgi issue. "Be honest, Jinyoung. Bakit ayaw mong umuwi? Ilang araw ko ng napapansin na nago-over time ka for no apparent reason. As if you're avoiding the thought of going home."

Right in the mark. Jaebeom could be observant if he wanted to. "Stay out of my business."

"What are you afraid of? That you would grow to like the mother of your unborn child? Na magkakasundo kayo?" Jaebeom continued, sarcasm dripping from his tone. "God forbid that your child would be raised in a home and have parents who get along."

"Who said anything about raising the baby together?" Of course, he had forethought about their living arrangements. Jaebeom's confusion about the whole thing was laughable. Did he really think it was wise to have Jisoo and their child stay at his place? "Don't be dull, JB. The child might be mine but Jisoo and I are nothing. I'll provide for them and our family will see the kid pero hanggang doon na lang yun."

"And what if we want more? What if dad or mom demand for more than just seeing the kid occasionally? What if they want to have a relationship with the baby? To be a part of the family? What if your child wants to be with you? Both you and Jisoo?" 

"The baby isn't even born yet. This is all hypothetical. We'll cross the bridge when we get there." Jinyoung pressed on. "But make no mistake, JB. It's not their choice to make now or in the future. Whatever I see fit will follow."

They had a stare off. And it seemed no one would back away until Jaebeom shook his head with a grim look on his face. "Bahala ka na sa buhay mo. Just go the fuck home tonight."

—

He didn't go home until 2 in the morning. 

He let Bambam drag him away with Youngjae to another bar when the rest left. He drank until he couldn't stand straight. It was a miracle he was able to get home on his own without serious injury.

Jisoo was on the couch sleeping. Hands tucked under head. Belly portruded. Feet planted on the floor. It was an uncomfortable position. 

He crouched in front of her but couldn't keep his balance and stumbled and hit the coffee table with a thud.

It woke Jisoo. 

"Kakauwi mo lang?" She asked, trying to rub the sleep away from her eyes. "Gawa mo diyan?"

"Hi." 

She scrunched her nose. "Baho mo. Uminom ka?"

"Yep." He beamed, popping the P in the end. "With Bam and Jae. You don't know them."

Her brows were knitted. Haha. Cute. "Akala ko kasama mo si JB?"

"Yesss. Nope. Fought. 'Cause'uv you." He was slurring. He made an effort not to slur and not to elongate some of his sounds.

"Me? I didn't do anything." 

"Uh-huh. Did too. 'Cause you care."

Jisoo pouted. I'm going to kiss it away. "Come on. Let's get you to bed."

He stifled a laugh. "You said that last time. You took me to bed but I took you instead. Kissed you, kissed me back. Wanna kiss you."

"Lasing ka lang." She held out her hands. "Up. Come on."

"Not a dog." He didn't take her offer and chose to stand on his own. Albeit, pathetically. Swaying. Almost fell. "Kaya ko. See?"

"Kaya mong maglakad?"

The room was swaying with him too. "Nope."

Jisoo slung his arm over her shoulders. They walked. Well, she walked; he wobbled. With great struggle, they eventually arrived at his room, where he collapsed on the bed artlessly. Toed off his dress shoes. Buried himself in his (freshly-laundered?) bedsheet. 

He was about to doze off but felt cool hands on his person, helping with his clothing off. He couldn't help but chuckle.

"You did this last time too. You struggled. I helped. I, however, did not have a hard time taking your dress off." He peered at her from where he lay. "I think mahihirapan na ako ngayon."

"Gago." Handing him a clean shirt, he battled with the arm holes. She helped him. 

"I remember you being less vulgar than that."

"So now you remember things."

"Minsan lang ako makalimot. Except for that night. But I remember now. Some of it." Jinyoung continued. He was smiling. Smugly. Stupidly. "I remember you were shy. I remember you liked my kisses. Asked for more. And all over you. You liked dirty talking."

"Ang daldal mo pag lasing. Alam mo 'yun?" She loosened his belt.

"I'm not usually like this." He didn't bother with the pants. He might just do something Jackson suggested if he took them off.

"Déjà vu." She laughed. "I feel like this is the longest time we've talked since I started staying in this place."

"Mhmm. Was avoiding you. Worked overtime. Made excuses kasi ayaw kong umuwi. Didn't want to see you. But surprise to me! Lagi mo akong naabutan. Waiting. Hindi ka ba napapagod maghintay?"

"Ayaw mo ba?" She asked, while tucking him in. 

Jinyoung only smiled. Baka masanay ako.

"Jinyoung… pwede kang umuwi nang maaga. Apartment mo 'to. If you want me gone, I can leave."

"Aalis ka nanaman." He was quiet. He wasn't asleep yet but he was getting there. And that wasn't quite true, what he said. "No. Ako pala yung unang umalis."

Jisoo hummed her agreement.

"Jaebeom was wrong, y'know? Not of—" Slowly losing his thoughts. "—you, but of getting too comfortable. Complacent. I thought… I would… fi—ahhh—'nly—" yawning. "—'m'where."

"I think you should sleep." Jisoo said, combing his hair back. 

"Mmyeah." It was pleasant. Her touch. He'd like a bit more. "G'night kiss?"

—

It was better after that night, as if there was a sudden shift in their dynamic.

Jinyoung would leave for work in the morning and would come back not late. Jisoo would go about her day but whatever she did then, she'd still be up and waiting for him. 

What she did when he was working, he didn't know; so from time to time, he'd send Yeri over to check on her. Yeri kept her word and had not said anything about his predicament to their parents. He still hadn't had the chance to discuss things with them, even after two weeks of Jisoo staying at his place. 

The Ate still hadn't replied to any of her messages nor answered her calls. Jisoo was heartbroken by it, he saw, but not too dejected to be completely helpless. 

One time, he even caught her with the laundry. He had just arrived home and wanted to relax for a bit. He sat by the armchair next to the couch, where she was seated, surrounded by laundry. "You don't have to do that. I can send it to the cleaners, instead."

"Umm, hindi. Okay lang. Wala na naman akong ginagawa. Hindi na rin ako pinapabalik sa trabaho ni Doc kasi masyado na daw risky."

"You went to the doctor?"

"Ah, oo. Nagpasama ako kay Yeri at Seulgi kahapon." Jisoo was folding the clothes while smiling, like doing something so simple could make her happy. He found it strange.

"How's the, uh, baby?"

"She's doing great. Wala namang daw na-detect na problema. By next check up, we can get a probable due date." 

"That's good, then."

Napatigil si Jisoo sa pagbubukod ng mga damit at tinignan siya. "Pwede kang sumama kung gusto mo. So you can see her."

Tinignan niya ito ng masinsinan. "If I have time." 

"Ok." She gave him a curt smile. He thought she would go back into doing the laundry but Jisoo spoke again. "About this... our situation..."

"What about it?"

"Once the baby is here, um, ano, paano yung arrangement?" She twiddled with her thumbs. Anxious. "Dito ba—bibisita ka ba? I mean, kapag ok na kami ni ate at gusto mong makita si baby sa apartment namin… I mean, gusto mo bang makita si baby?"

Hindi niya napigilan ang kaba na biglang naramdaman. Hindi rin niyang napigilang kutkutin ang materyal ng upuan sa kaba. Still, Jinyoung was careful with his words when he answered. "If she lives closer, I think it would be easier for everyone in my family to see the baby. I was thinking of renting a place for you two. Somewhere near." 

"Oh."

"Is that all right?" He assessed her reaction.

"I thought—I don't know." Jisoo frowned but didn't raise her worries anymore. 

He could take a guess though. "I'll put it under your name. You can move in with your sister. Kapag ok na kayo."

"I don't know if she'd want that."

"Well, somebody has to help you with the baby eventually. I'm sure she'll come around."

Jisoo didn't answer. 

"But if you want, we can hire a help. She can help you with the household while you're busy with the baby."

He was rambling at this point. "And you won't have to worry about the baby's stuff. I'll buy them for you. And have them delivered it to your apartment."

Hindi na umimik muli si Jisoo at nagtupi na lang. Hindi niya rin alam kung nakikinig pa ito sa kanya. Tumayo na siya at nagpaalam. "I'll go ahead. Don't stay up too late."

And then, for some unknown reason, he patted Jisoo's head before leaving.

Once he was inside his room, he looked at his hand and wondered, the hell did I just do?

—

Jinyoung started experiencing moments of domesticity by the third week of Jisoo's stay. 

One time, he'd gone home hungry and the next day, Jisoo cooked dinner. So now, he would go home and eat Jisoo's home cooked meals (decidedly, needed more practice) or sometimes watch television dramas with her (he'd leave after 15 minutes because he just couldn't understand how ridiculous some of the plot were). 

He would also have momentary thoughts of touching her. Just a brief brush of skin, a light pat or a gentle squeeze of hands or fingers. He would find himself pursuing the urges (engaging physically but in a mechanical way) but more often than not, he would let the feelings flit.

There would be spare times however, where she would reach out and take his hand, to guide it to her stomach so that he could feel the baby's movement. He was fond of those moments.

During one session of baby-touching, Jisoo brought up the possibility of him accompanying her to the next monthly check-up. Caught in the moment, he agreed.

So here they were, in the hospital, being asked mundane questions by her Obstetrician about her daily progression. Earlier on, they were caught in an awkward situation where the doctor asked where he was the past months and why he only accompanied Jisoo on her monthly check up now. 

He merely smiled and answered that he was busy.

"It’s only a matter of time now, parating na si baby kaya dapat extra careful tayo. Bawal ma-stress si missus. Kailangan relax lang at wag masyadong gumalaw-galaw."

"Yes, doktora. Thank you po. Have a good day." Thanked Jisoo. Jinyoung supported Jisoo as she got up; she was getting heavier and doing the simplest things were getting tougher. "Nakita mo ba yung ilong ni baby? Ang cute at ang tangos. Feeling ko nagmana sa'yo."

Hindi na siya kumumento at nagmadali na lang naglakad habang akap ang balikat ni Jisoo. Kahit na naka maskara pa siya, malakas ang kutob niyang makikilala siya, katulad na lang ng--

"Kuya? Ate Jisoo!" Kapatid niyang si Yeri. Linapitan sila nito ng mabilis, gulat na gulat at kaunting may panic sa mga mata. "Oh my God, Kuya! You should leave; daddy's here for his check up!"

"What?"

"He's just making kwento but we were about to leave. You haven't told mommy and daddy about the baby, right? I think it's best if you leave now. Baka mahuli kayo."

"Shit. Thanks Ye." Mabilis rin silang naglakad ni Jisoo. Well, relatively fast for someone who was pregnant.

When they got to the car, Jisoo was slightly winded and Jinyoung was mulling over the possibility of just confronting and confessing to his parents tonight or tomorrow. It was long overdue anyway. 

In the morning after, he told Jisoo about his plans. She agreed but seemed awfully somber about it. He didn't think about it too much.

—

On his next rest day, they went over to his parents' place. It was Jaebum who welcomed them at the door. They hadn't spoken since that night but they were all right. They always were. 

He nodded inside. "Just in time. Good mood sila ma and dad. Dining area. Talk to them first. Sama ka muna sa akin, Jisoo. Miss ka na ni Yeri."

He turned to Jisoo. "You ok?" 

"Ok." She smiled but it was strained around the edges. He didn't pay too much attention to it again. He was busy calming his nerves down, which again was an uncommon trait he had developed. He was never nervous. He planned ahead to avoid it. 

But what use was planning when you're just going to forget?

Jinyoung approached his parents in the dining area. They were having tea. His mom beamed as soon as she saw him. He was genuinely glad to see the both of them, despite the inner turmoil he was having.

"Oh, honey! You're here." He pecked each of his parents cheeks. "You should've told us sooner na dadaan ka para nakapaghanda si Manang ng favorite mo. Naglunch ka na?" 

"I'm good, Ma. Naglunch na kami kanina. Hi, dad."

"Hi, hijo. How are you? Ngayon ka lang napadaan. Last time you were here was after my surgery pa, right?" 

"Yes. Sorry po. I was just busy with a lot of things."

"Is work keeping you up? Don't worry; you're doing great. I was just talking to the older Wang the other day. So far, they're very satisfied with how you handle the board as my representative." Dad gave him a reassuring grin. "Anyway, your load will lighten once I'm back in my post. You'll have your freedom back soon."

Ma rolled her eyes. "Hay nako, daddy ha. The doctor said you have to rest for at least 6 months. May 2 months ka pa."

Dad rolled his eyes. "Your mom is such a worry-wart."

"And your dad is a stubborn mule." Ma beckoned him to sit beside her. "Anyway, is there something you need, anak? You have that look in your eyes. Like you're a man on a mission."

"Is this about the adoption? Don't worry; ready na yung papers. The lawyer's just tying some loose ends." Dad explained.

"Magiging Im ka na rin sa wakas!" Ma cheered.

"Wow." Jinyoung couldn't help the smile that was slowly spreading on his face. It was overwhelming. After all these years of hoping and wanting… 

"Before the year ends, hopefully finalized na. It would be your Christmas gift to us! My baby is officially my baby!"

"Ma." Jinyoung grumbled in jest. He was happy. And worried. And frightened. Something his mother could see on his face clearly.

"Is there something wrong, love? You can tell us."

"Have you guys… have you ever been disappointed in me?" 

His parents exchanged looks, both frowning. Ma spoke. "None that I can think of."

Dad followed soon after. "Not disappointment per se, but just extreme sadness. When you only asked us now to adopt you. Ang tagal ka naming hinintay ng mommy mo."

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay, anak. The important thing is now, it's a possibility for us."

Jinyoung continued. "What if… what if I've done something horrible? Will you be disappointed in me? Maybe this time around you'll be disappointed. I did something terrible 7 months ago. It was something I did impulsively and stupidly. It resulted in a mistake." A crippling fear gripped Jinyoung's heart. What if they push him away after hearing everything he has to say? What will happen to him? Who will be his family then?

Gone was the logical and level-headed Jinyoung they knew. It was his dread talking now. All his happiness from earlier, eaten up. "I don't even know why I did it. I can't remember the reason why I had to sacrifice everything I ever worked for—for this! All my life I only wanted you guys to be proud of me. I wanted to repay your kindness for raising me and giving me everything I don't deserve.  But I screwed up, Ma. I don't think I can do this."

"Jinyoung? Honey, whatever it is, we'll get through it. Don't cry, baby." Ma was wiping the tears away from his eyes.

Jinyoung didn't even notice he was crying. Once the tears slid, he couldn't stop it.

"We'll still love you kung ano pa yun. We'll always be proud of you. You don't need to repay anything. Anak. Please stop crying na. You're making me cry too." 

"I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry, Ma." He was sobbing. He never cried in public. It was a display of weakness he learned in his younger years. A weakness that can be easily exploited by other people. Something he never wanted to experience again. 

By now, his parents were both by his side, consoling him. Ma was hugging him and Dad was giving him words of comfort. Eventually, his sobs subsided to a whimper until he finally composed himself. 

"Jinyoung, we're here for you. We'll help you with whatever it is. Whatever you need."

"I—There's someone I'd like you to meet."

—

Jinyoung led them to the living room before fetching Jisoo from where Jaebeom had brought her to—his small library. She was with Yeri, who was happily chatting away and her listening with rapt attention. The couch where they were seated was facing the open windows, so their backs were facing him instead. At the door opening, Jaebeom looked up from his book and gave Jinyoung a quizzical stare, as if asking him whether he was ok. He nodded in acknowledgement. 

Yeri was still talking but Jisoo's attention drifted into his direction. Jinyoung caught her eyes and saw how anxious and frightened she was like him. 

He gave her a small smile. "They're waiting in the living room." 

"Right. Una muna kami ni Yeri." Jaebeom called to Yeri and both of them left the room. 

Now, it was just Jinyoung and Jisoo. He approached her slowly and sat at the coffee table, so they were facing each other.

It was Jisoo, who reached out first. Hand outstretched, advancing towards his face, then hesitatingly cradling his right cheek. He welcomed the touch, leaning slightly towards it, while she thumbed the track of tears left. 

"Ok ka lang?"

"I'm ok." Jinyoung placed his hand atop of hers. "I haven't told them yet."

"Oh."

"They'll be asking a lot of questions. How we met, how long we've known each other." Jinyoung locked his gaze on her. "Most importantly, they will be asking about marriage plans. I want to be honest with you, Jisoo. I don't have any intentions of marrying you." 

"I see." 

"It's not—"

"—you, it's me? You don't have to explain, Jinyoung. Wala namang tayo. I understand. You didn't sign up for a baby and you didn't sign up for this. Both of us didn't. I don't want to tie you down just because we have a baby together." 

"You're not… mad?" He removed his hand from hers. She also got rid of hers from his face.  

"Should I be?" She asked, bewildered. "I just want my baby to know her father; kahit may relasyon pa tayo or wala. We can be friends, lovers or nothing basta hindi mo ipagtatabuyan yung anak mo."

"I will never do that."

Jisoo put on a happy expression. "Then, I'm good. Pero anong sasabihin natin sa parents mo?"

"We can just say that it's not a priority right now. That the focus is on the baby. They'll understand." He stood up and offered to help her stand. "We should go. They're probably waiting. I hope you're ready."

—

It went off without a hitch.

Although they were left with more questions than answers, his parents remarkably liked Jisoo. They had already extended an invitation for her to stay in their house that very night but Jinyoung had to decline for her because he knew his parents would only interrogate her about their relationship. They promised to return, along with sonograph pictures of the baby.

Despite the welcome his parents posed, Jisoo seemed distracted. Sumasagot kapag tinatanong pero hindi nakikihabilo. Ngumingiti pero hindi umaabot sa mga mata. 

“Pagod ka na?” Tanong niya kay Jisoo.

Nagbuntong-hininga lang ang sagot siya. Saglit niyang tinignan at nakitang naka tulala lang sa labas. Mukhang malalim ang iniisip. 

He tried again. "I know it’s not ideal but I'm not entirely opposed to it."

"Hmm?" Imik ni Jisoo.

"Of being friends. I don't dislike the idea of us being friends." 

"Oh?" Panandalian lang siyang tinignan nito. 

He held his breath. Mahigpit ang kapit sa manibela. Halong kaba at alinlangan ang ramdan niya habang tinanong si Jisoo. "Can we be friends?" 

Matagal bago sumagot si Jisoo, pero nung napa-oo na lang siya, hindi pa rin gumaan ang loob ni Jinyoung. 

—

It was a few days after, when the dread in his guts manifested.

He was at work; in a meeting with the shareholders about the future plans for the following year, when he was informed by his secretary that his phone had been exploding with calls and text messages. He had ignored it, his personal life could wait in lieu of his career. 

He was in the office, afterwards, when Jaebeom barged in with a miffed look and a thunderous voice to boot. “Hindi ka ba nasabihan ng secretary mo na tumatawag ako? Or nagte-text? Bakit hindi ka na naman sumasagot?”

“I was in a meeting with the board.” 

Jaebeom released a sigh of exasperation. “Si Jisoo na kayla Seulgi. Sunduin mo.” 

“Bakit? Anong nangyari?”

“Sunduin mo na lang; ang dami mo pang tanong!”

Jinyoung shook his head. “JB, you know me. Hindi ako basta-bastang umaalis sa trabaho ng walang rason.”

“Puta? Trabaho pa rin ang iniisip mo? Kahit nahimatay na yung ina ng anak mo?” 

“What?!” Sa gulat ni Jinyoung, napatayo ito bigla. “What the fuck happened?”

“Pinuntahan niya yung ate niya sa trabaho pero hindi siya pinansin at sinabihang umalis sa harap niya. Nag-text yung ate niya kay Seulgi na paalisin daw si Jisoo dahil nagsa-skandalo tapos iniwan na lang umiiyak. Pag dating ni Seulgi doon, ayaw pa ring tumahan; nawalan na lang ng malay bigla.” 

“Bakit hindi nila dinala sa ospital?” Mabilis hinablot ni Jinyoung ang susi ng kanyang sasakyan at ang kanyang telepono. Palabas na siya ng opisina niya, kasunod si Jaebeom. Saglit na kinausap ang kanyang sekritarya bago dumiretso sa elevator. “Bakit na kayla Seulgi lang? Paano kung may nangyari sa bata?”

Jaebeom put upon a sigh. “Dinala nila sa ospital pero pinagpayuhan lang na pagpahingahin nung doctor. Dapat iko-confine na siya kaso nung nagising si Jisoo, ayaw naman niya.”

“Fuck.” 

“She was asking for you when she woke up.” Nagkatinginan sila salamin ng elevator. “She seemed ok the last time I saw her. What happened, Jinyoung? What did you do?”

Si Jinyoung ang unang napailing. It was the guilt that made him back down first. “I don’t know. I didn't do anything.”

—

Pagkadating nila kayla Seulgi, si Seungyoon ang unang bumati sa kanila. Masama ang tingin niya kay Jinyoung. 

“Where’s Jisoo?” 

“Tulog.” Sagot ng lalaki. Hinarang niya si Jinyoung sa pintuan. “Oh, saan ka pupunta?”

“Kukunin ko si Jisoo.”

“Tulog nga. Bumalik ka na lang kapag may pakielam ka na.”

“What did you say?” Jaebeom demanded. Jinyoung raised a hand. Signalling him to stand down. There was no need to be violent. He never resorted to it.

“Hinahanap niya ako kaya susunduin ko na siya.” His eyes narrowed. “Move.”

“Hindi mo ba ako narinig? Tulog nga kaya wag mong istorbohin. Kailangan niyang magpahinga.”

Jinyoung sighed. He didn’t want to do any power plays at the moment. He knew what Seungyoon wanted but he couldn’t hand it over to him so easily. 

It was obvious, of course. Seungyoon clearly thought of Jisoo as more than a friend and he was being protective of her because he couldn’t let her go. He didn’t think Jisoo would’ve chosen him anyway. If she did, she would’ve done it a long time ago. 

“She’ll rest better with me around. Now, move.”

Seungyoon grabbed his collar and seemed to want to punch him but Seulgi beat him to it. That is, she pulled Seungyoon away from Jinyoung, while Jaebeom stood between them. “Kuya! Ano ba ‘yang ginagawa mo? Magunos-dili ka nga diyan!”

“Ano ba? Eh kasalanan naman nitong gago na ‘to kung bakit nagkaganyan si Jisoo eh. Bitawan mo nga ako, tangina.” Napakalas ito sa hawak ni Seulgi ng mabagsik. “Palibhasa, wala kang alam.”

Jaebeom intervened again. “Pare, ‘wag namang ganyan. Makipagusap ka naman ng matino.”Mas masama ang tingin ni Seungyoon kay Jaebeom. “Lumayo ka sa kapatid ko, tangina mo.” Pag banta nito bago umalis. Binangga niya si Jinyoung ng marahas bago lumabas. 

Jinyoung ignored it. Waste of time.

“Sorry sa kuya ko… protective lang talaga siya.”  Seulgi bit her lip, ashamed. Hindi makatingin kahit sa isa sa kanila. “Nasa kwarto si Jisoo. Sa kanan.”

“Thanks.” Iniwan na ni Jinyoung ang dalawa. Narinig niya ang alala sa boses ni Jaebeom nung tinanong niya si Seulgi kung ayos lang siya, pero hindi ito ang tunay na pakay ni Jinyoung at hindi na lang kumumento. Pinuntahan niya sa kwarto si Jisoo at nakitang nakahiga si Jisoo sa kama. Gising at nakatitig sa kanya.

Dahan-dahan niyang linapitan ito at yumuko sa harap niya. Hindi niya napigilang hawakan ang mukha nito. He was caressing her, the way she touched him at his parents’ place. Tinignan nito ng maiigi. “Do you want to go home?”

Napatungo si Jisoo. Akala niya, ayos na ang lahat pero biglang humikbi ang babae, matatabang luha ang lumabas sa kanyang mga mata. “Wala na akong uuwian. Hindi na ako mahal ni ate.”

“I meant—” Jinyoung cut himself off. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“Sabi niya sa akin, malaki na daw ako. Kaya ko na daw. Na hindi ko na daw siya kailangan.” Hindi napigilan ni Jisoo ang kanyang iyak. 

Walang nagawa si Jinyoung kung hindi pag masdan lang ito. Occasionally, wiping the tears away with his thumb, despite knowing how futile it was. The tears wouldn’t stop. She was breaking. Right in front of his eyes. “Pero Jinyoung… kailangan ko si ate. Si ate lang ang nagmamahal sa akin. Siya lang ang pamilya ko.”

He felt guilty then. Something he didn’t feel quite often. He was reluctant to admit it but Seungyoon was right. He did this. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jisoo.” Jinyoung leaned forward, so their faces were touching now. He whispered words to abate Jisoo’s heartbreak and his own regrets. His lips grazing her eyes, cheeks and nose, a poor imitation of a peck. 

It was secretly the only other way he knew how to comfort other people, something he learned from his mother-—his real mother. It was the only lovely thing he learned from her. 

—

Jaebeom had to drive them home that day, as Jisoo didn’t loosen her hold on Jinyoung’s hand. 

They sat at the back, their joint hands in the middle of the two-passenger seat. She was looking outside, not saying anything again. The ride was far too quiet for his liking—even though it was his usual preference.

“Why did you see her?” Jinyoung asked. She didn’t respond. He squeezed her hand. “Jisoo.”

She tried to pull her hand away from him but he held it steadfast. She wasn’t escaping this time. Whatever it was that had been bothering her for the past week, he would make sure to find out. 

“I missed her. We’ve never been apart for this long after ng nagkasama ulit kami.” She answered, her voice shaking. “And I was jealous.”

“Jealous? Of whom?”

“Of you. And JB. And your family.” She glanced at Jaebeom, and then at him. “You have your parents and your siblings. You have someone you can run to, someone who can support you. Pero nawala yung taong tatakbuhan ko at yung sumusuporta sa akin.”

“Why did you go on your own? I could’ve—”

“I just wanted to fix it on my own. Without your help.” She lamented. “Pero lumayo na ang loob ni ate sa akin. Wala na daw siyang kapatid. Magisa na lang ako.”

“You have the baby. The baby needs you.”

“The baby needs me because she has to, not because she wants to. Ate needed me because she wanted to, because she loved me. I have no one.”

“Jisoo…” Gusto niyang pagaanin ang loob nito, pero hindi alam ni Jinyoung kung papaano. He wanted to tell her that maybe… maybe...

Hindi na lang niya itinuloy at mukha namang hindi na ulit ito mamamansin, hanggang nakatulog na lang siya sa byahe.

Jaebeom, who had been silent the whole time, spoke. “I’m bringing you guys to Dad’s.”“What? Why?” His brother didn’t listen. “No. Take us to my place.” 

“Jisoo needs to be taken care of properly, Jinyoung. I’m doing this for Jisoo and the baby. She needs to feel loved and cherished. You clearly can’t do it yourself. Let Ma look after her even just for a few days. At least, may makakasama siya doon at hindi lang magisa sa apartment mo. Please, if not for Jisoo, do it for the baby.” 

“Fine.”

—

Jisoo stayed at his parents’ place for the remaining duration of her pregnancy. 

Jinyoung dropped by every now and then when he wasn’t busy but would go home in his apartment after seeing her. 

Jisoo appeared more cheerful since the incident with her sister, he noticed. Dad made her laugh with his dad jokes, Ma was pampering her and the baby with so much baby stuff, she had apologized and had to decline, and Yeri was finally getting the big sister she wanted. Even Jaebeom dropped by, admittedly more often than he did, and brought Seulgi along so she could have a friend to talk to if everybody else was busy. It was only he, who always came empty-handed. 

Once, he asked what she wanted and what he could give to her but she only shook her head and said it couldn’t be done. 

At the insistence of his parents, he stayed one night. 

They slept in his old room. While he did his nightly absolutions, she just sat on his bed and looked at some of his photos. He didn’t have photos of when he was younger than six, which was when he stayed with the Ims then.

He remembered some of them fondly, while the others were just a haze. They stopped to look at a photo of him, JB and Yeri at the beach. She was five then, and he and JB were eleven. They built sandcastles and ate watermelon. It was also the summer where he found out what being adopted and what being a foster kid meant.

After, when they were both in bed, Jisoo asked him what he thought would be good baby names. 

"Noong una, parang gusto ko combination ng name mo atsaka noong akin. Like Jinsoo, Soojin or Jinji! Kaso naisip ko na medyo corny pala. Kaya iba na lang siguro. Ikaw ba? May naisip na?"

He hadn't given it a thought, to be honest. It was the least of his worries. Well, at least not about the baby's first name. “Jisoo… Once the baby is born, she might need to take your last name.”

He was met by silence so he saw it as a sign to continue.

"There’s something you need to know about me, Jisoo. I don't know if you know or if someone had told you already, but I'm not an Im. I'm their foster kid. It's kind of an open secret. I go by Park. Park Jinyoung. At least for now anyway." 

He continued. "They're planning to adopt me legally but it will take months before that happens. I… just don't want to make it more complicated for the child later on, when she has to change it twice. At least when she decides to keep my name in the future, you'll only do it once.” He looked at Jisoo. “Naiintindihan mo naman kung saan ako nanggagaling, hindi ba?"

She nodded but didn’t talk anymore. She remained like that until they both fell asleep. 

The bed was wet when he woke up—when he was woken up by a weeping Jisoo.

“Jin—ah—manganganak na ata ako.” Hawak-hawak niya ang kanyang tiyan.

Mabilis natanggal ang antok ni Jinyoung, napaupo ito at mabilis tumabi kay Jisoo. “Shit. Fuck. Sigurado ka na ba? It’s not your due yet. ” 

“My water broke. I’m—ow!—sure. Hospital.” 

“Fuck. Fuck, wait. Shit. Tawagin ko sila ma.” 

Umalis at iniwan niya si Jisoo sa kwarto at pinuntahan ang kanyang mga magulang para sabihin ang balita. Nagising ang buong bahay at nagmadaling magayos para pumunta ng ospital. Pag balik nito sa kwarto, nakita niya si Jisoo na nakaluhod sa tabi ng kama. Mabilis niyang pinuntahan ito at inakay. 

“Can you walk?”

“No. It hurts.”

“Okay—just—” He had her arms loop around his neck while he hoisted her up, close to his body, carrying her bridal style. “Hold tight.” 

Hangga’t sa nakarating sila sa ospital, buhat-buhat ni Jinyoung si Jisoo, na nangiyak-ngiyak sa sakit ng kanyang contractions. Ma brought all the necessary things Jisoo and the baby would need after, which he didn’t really think about, but left not long after and said she would be back either in the morning or afternoon. 

Now it was just Jinyoung and Jisoo in the hospital room, the latter in immense pain.

The nurse informed them that early labor for first time moms were not uncommon and was sometimes expected at just 37 weeks. Jinyoung had insisted that Jisoo be admitted instantly and so he spent the rest of the early morning by her side, reading articles about assuaging labor pains.

He’d let her squeeze his hand, bury her face in his neck as she sobbed, and be the shoulder he knew she needed.

But he knew he wasn't the one she was looking for.

"Jinyoung, anak, where did you go? Why did you leave Jisoo alone?"

"Ma, I didn't leave her alone. You and Yeri are there."

"Jinyoung, don't play smart with me. Hindi kita pinalaki ng ganyan. Get back here. You should be here to be with the mother of your child!"

"I'll be back, Ma. I promise. May dadaanan lang ako."

"Jisoo is also looking for you. You better come back here before the baby is born.”

"I will."

—

Jinyoung was sure he would be thrown something when he arrived in her office pero masamang tingin lang ang binato sa kanya ng ate ni Jisoo. Hindi siya sinigawan, hindi siya pinaalis.

Hindi niya alam kung saan niya sisimulan ang gusto niyang ipahayag. Ang ipinunta lang naman niya talaga dito ay para sabihin na manganganak na ang kapatid niya. 

Bigla niyang natandaan ang huli nilang pagkikita. Hadn't she said he didn't care for her sister? That he didn't know what Jisoo had to go through when he wasn't around? The pain he inflicted by his absence? He wanted to relay the same message to her but something was bothering him. It had been bothering him for a long time and it wanted out. Now. 

"I know I did you and Jisoo wrong from the start. Especially, Jisoo. I know you blame me for your recent failings with your sister." He swallowed. "I'm sorry for that. For both. For everything."

"And? You're here because… what? You want my forgiveness?" She crossed her arms. "Hindi ko mabibigay 'yun sa'yo. Kaya makakaalis ka na."

Hindi napigilan ni Jinyoung ang inis niya. Mataas rin pala ang pride nitong ate ni Jisoo. He should've known. Noong una pa lang silang magusap. Pero matalino si Jinyoung. Hindi niya hinayaan ang inis niya ang magpairal sa usapan nila. Hindi naman ito ang importante.

"I'll leave only if you come with me."

Napatawa ng malakas si Irene. "And what makes you think I would want to come with you?"

"The fact that Jisoo's about to give birth should be enough of a reason for you."

Irene scoffed. "No, it isn’t."

He raised his voice then. Hindi niya napigilan. "This is your sister we're talking about!" 

"The same sister who left me for you!" She shook her head. "She doesn't need me. She has you already."

"Jisoo needs you, Irene. She said so herself. She's heartbroken that you two have grown apart. Kaya please, pagbigyan mo na ako—si Jisoo, kahit ngayon lang. Sumama ka na. Make her happy for me. I just want to see her smile."

—

It was awkward, to say the least, to wait outside the room with the rest of his family while the sisters cried their heart out. The medical staff were already looking at their direction weirdly and his mother was urging him for them to talk and relay the story about the sisters but he didn’t want that. So he kept mum until Irene came out of the door and called for him.

She didn’t leave when he went inside, but she gave them the distance to talk by staying by the door and pretended to be interested in her phone.

Jinyoung approached Jisoo slowly. Her eyes were still red from crying and slightly puffy but there was a smile on her lips that pleased him greatly. It’s been so long since he had seen it--had he seen it before? He couldn’t remember, but it didn't matter. 

“Thank you.” Jisoo lifted her hand and instinctively, he grasped it with his own. “For bringing Ate here. For letting me see her again.”

“It’s fine. It’s what you wanted, right?”

“Paano mo nalaman?”

“Hindi mahirap hulaan.” Sabi nito, habang hinihimas niya ang kamay ni Jisoo. “At sinabi mo yun, hindi ba? Na kailangan mo ang ate mo. Na siya ang pamilya mo.”

“Sabi ko nga. Pero hindi na lang siya… na saan na ang mama mo? Pati daddy mo atsaka yung mga kapatid mo?” 

“Nasa labas, naghihintay. Gusto mo bang tawagin ko? Wait, let me—”

Napatigil siya sa pag baklas ng kanilang kamay, dahil mapahigpit ang hawak ni Jisoo sa kanya. Mga ilang sandali, binitawan niya rin ito, at nagbalik ang ngiting pwersado sa mukha. Tinitigan ni Jinyoung si Jisoo, napalunok at napaisip. Gusto niyang may sabihin pero hindi niya alam kung ano… o kung paano sisimulan. Pag dating kay Jisoo, marami siyang hindi naiintindihan.

But now, something tells him he shouldn't leave her side. That he should stay and see her through the rest of her labor and the birth of their daughter. That if he leaves now, then it would mean leaving for good.

And… he couldn't. He couldn't leave her.

So he stayed.

—

At exactly three-thirty in the afternoon, Jinyoung became a father. 

—