As the noise of the tavern was dying down with the closing set, Jax felt a deep breath leave her body. Since regaining consciousness 9 months ago, music and art had been such a gateway to re-remembering emotions and this music by Mariette was no exception to that. It had reminded her that she can feel something more than baseline contentment, could feel safe and calm and connected to others.  To her right, Mistral was sketching and painting a portrait of Nirah, another member of their party. She was so focused, blue eyes soft and a small smile toying at her lips. Jax could hardly contain herself, if there was no one else around she would maybe speak to her more... flirt, tell her that she seemed to glow when she entered a room, that her eyes drew Jax in, that her soft confidence was so inspiring... was she even allowed to think these things about her? They had met like a little more than a day ago, but time seems to have slowed down since she met her. Seconds encompassed minutes. Minutes were a whole hour. The whole room slowed down around Mistral as Jax drank in every detail.  Then a laugh on her other side brought her back to the tavern as Killian, a small human in a deep green cloak, chuckled at something Mistral had said off hand. Killian looked to Jax and Jax laughed too, even though she wasn’t sure what was funny. She liked Killian, he was sweet-natured and kind, but the things he had told her had sent her reeling and every time she glanced at him now she felt all those things over and over and over again. Overwhelming guilt and confusion and... a softer rage at the fact that her memories were gone, taken from her, missing. 

Killian was her ex-husband. From 10 years ago. Who she had left. 

That sounded nothing like her at all. She stuck by people. She stuck by people and she never backed down and she definitely didn’t run when things got hard. 

But Killian said that she had. 

So would she now? If she got super close to this group, if she let herself get close to Mistral, would she leave again? 

She glanced at Mistral who was laughing and felt her gut pull her towards the monk. No, she wouldn’t leave that, she couldn’t. But could she even feel the things she was feeling?  There was a deep layer of guilt if she was crushing on this sweet lady monk while her ex-husband sat hurt next to her. Even if he said he wasn’t. She knew that her appearance in his life had jostled him... she didn’t want to be insensitive to that. But, these last nine months had really solidified that  she wasn’t going to hide who she was or what she wanted, especially not if she could potentially forget it, especially not when she didn’t want to ever forget it. 

She took a deep breath and leaned in, taking a peek at the portrait. The colors were amazing, deep and vibrant when needed and soft and demure at times. The craftsmanship jumped out and Jax couldn’t stop the words from spilling out under her breath.