#gossippool writes

was thinking of posting a snippet a day for motivation but i feel like i'd end up posting the whole fic before i've finished writing it <- snail speaking

"I'm here, Wade," Logan says, then kisses him until sunlight shines through his being in neon pinks and shock greens. Wade's eyes widen at first, but then finally, finally, he smiles against Logan's lips, and fuck it's all he wanted. He'll take a smile from Wade over anything else if given the choice.

...

A while later, the sun comes up fully and bathes their shitty motel room in light. Wade snores softly on his chest, closed eyes peeking out over the blanket that's drawn up to his nose. Logan finds that he's in no rush to leave. The small room still smells like strangers and filth and bleach, and it's still far from a comfortable stay. But now it also smells like Wade, and so it feels like home.

sunday morning synesthetics

clownpool anyone? <3

when logan joins a circus troupe to replace the previous lion tamer, wade immediately catches his attention. his costumes are bright and symbol-clashingly loud, and his presence on stage not only matches that energy, but it's unbelievably graceful. he hand-sews all his costumes, and oftentimes wears short sleeves and skirts with gloves and stockings. on rare days, though, he wears the jumpsuits.

it's different when the curtains are down and the stage lights are off. wade is friendly enough, but he never talks. some of the troupe don't even know if he can. they tell logan that he walks so quietly that he often scares them without meaning to, so they've taken to making him wear bells everywhere. (they kept having to increase the number of bells, because he's somehow insanely stealthy even with them on.)

he's just as strange as his clown persona, but in a subdued way. logan catches him sleeping in the most impossible places, mask and makeup off, toy unicorn always attached to him somehow. the first time logan sees wade without his mask is when he finds him sleeping, curled up like a cat, on the aerial hoop. it's how logan finds out that the scars he sees not covered by his stockings and gloves cover his whole body.

some of them tell logan in whispers that his house burned down as a kid, hence the burn scars. some speculate that he was the one who did it (logan finds out much, much, much later that this is true--he'd burned down the house of his abusive parents, fully intending to get burned down with them, before the firemen raached the scene and pulled him out. logan also finds out just how deep wade's self-loathing runs. it's during the very bad days that he wears the jumpsuits to cover himself up.)

logan initially planned to maintain a cordial distance from him. everyone else seems to be quietly fond of wade, but also slightly scared, and he can't say he blames them. but soon he can't escape wade.

he finds out that wade really loves his lions. he sits next to their cages and pets them, and plays with them on the training ground when logan isn't looking. he doesn't know how wade keeps getting them out of their cages, but he's seen wade asleep draped over them once. the lions seem to love him too.

logan eventually lets wade hang around whole he trains, and he talks to wade and can tell he listens. he can tell wade trusts him.

but like he will never not be a soldier in every single way. there are things he's learned that he's had to do like how to shoot and clean guns and how to survive torture and how to stake out a place and address medical emergencies, but there are also the other things like focus and discipline and communication, right. and this absolutely has an effect on many things that he does

in the case of an emergency, he can lock in and focus on the task he needs to do no matter what. wade as a person is very in touch with his emotions, but he can switch that off when necessary. we saw this when he was protecting vanessa in deadpool 2, and that was before vanessa was even physically injured—if he has to deal with a severe injury of a loved one, his special forces training would override any personal emotions he feels. and wade is intrinsically selfless, but his training has definitely helped hone that mindset: leaving no man behind, service before self. he was literally trained to put his life on the line for others and this is a theme we have seen in every single movie. doing the experiment for vanessa over actually caring about his own life, literally dying for russell, sacrificing himself so logan can live.

and even in daily life he is very attuned to his surroundings and body language. he knows how to carry himself, can change the tone of a conversation through the subtlest shift in body language. if he's angry or displeased, his tone could remain as lighthearted or nonchalant as before, but the air will shift ever so slightly to let you know that he's serious. and that is Scary. he can be so intimidating when he wants to be

also ! his identity as a soldier itself was protection for him. this is more symbolic than anything but Look at this:

this is by no means the special forces uniform or even a military uniform in general but this outfit choice was definitely meant to mimic it (vanessa is also wearing the same army green). it's literally armor for him in preparation for receiving bad news. like a soldier going to war