#goofygodtier

yeah, but my first thought when reading “i’m going to steal you and the bird” isn’t “oh that’s a national treasure joke.” it’s “this asshole’s trying to kidnap me AND the bird.”

i was going to make a “i’m going to steal the declaration of independence” style joke but then i realized if the context wasn’t understood, you’d think i was trying to kidnap you.

your family is a national treasure. a gross one, but a national treasure nonetheless.

i like the bird, it’s my favorite part.

i’ll hold a memorial if you pass.

i’ve come to the conclusion that he just can’t be helped.