Failing on being an atheist
One would believe that not believing, or in general “not doing” something, would be easy. That unless you are an addict and the act being “not consuming”. But sometimes, it is difficult, in weird ways. Like when you try to control something inside your mind. The thought of not thinking, suddenly and out of nowhere brings the most creative thoughts about the topic you want to avoid. In my case, I think I am failing on being a full atheist. This is no surprise or sudden epiphany, as long ago I surrendered a little bit on this wish, and in the spirit of honesty with others or with myself, I define myself actually as a non-theist. Like Buddhists and Taoists define themselves, being particularly fond with the first spiritual path. There is something in the back of my head that can’t stop acting as in that song, “I have a Dream” of ABBA. Of believing in angels, and something good in everything one sees. That even If rationally, I think that there is nothing supernatural on the idea of good. Only a construct of humanity that obeys its wish and reflection on wanting to live a good life, for one and the others. And yet, I am even curious on an intellectual way to understand people beliefs about the unknown, and how they seek for answers to their daily problems on such beliefs.
I am constantly tempted to say to myself that it’s only my nature, or even that this is human nature, to shield my subconscious believe from any self recrimination about this failure. But the truth is I really don’t know that. All I know is that a part of me wants to believe, another is a little ashamed of doing so, and that last part is the one that wants to take control. A little tired of trying to avoid that internal conflict, pretending it does not exist and that I act as if i was a real full-atheist, I decided that perhaps atheism is not just the “absence” of a system of beliefs, but a system on itself, designed to somehow deal with some of those wishes. Therefore, I decided to read a little about that. That’s how I am now reading “Goodbye God” of Richard Dawkins, one of the most famous atheists of the world. His conviction when talking about the subject is great. He believes that it is a responsibility of all scientists to become militant atheists. So, if there is some guidance to look for, I guess it would be in one of his books. Follow me with the hashtag #GoodbyeGod to see my progress on this book and its implications.
