#gonnadoit

Okay, I won’t lie.  I’m worried about making these writings public.

I started setting up the new blog last night and I suddenly got this feeling of nervous excitement. “I’m finally posting these, I’m finally making this story public,” I thought.  Then, I became afraid.

I asked myself if there was any point in making this public anymore.  The events happened years ago and serve little purpose other than for me to get something off my chest.  Florizel knows the story anyway...there is no point in my posting these at all.

Yet, the writings are fairly good, and they meant something to me at one time.

On the other hand (I sound like Tevye) the matter itself doesn’t matter to anyone except me and Bestie.  Maybe...maybe they’re the only ones that need to see it.

They are my world, and the only two that would benefit from this information.  And the writing is decent.

And when I think more about it, I realize that our journeys had to happen.  While they didn’t happen in the best ways, they did.  Now, we have the loves of our lives, our reasons for living...our whole lives ahead of us, thanks to a couple of decisions we made.

When I broke up with my friend, my world was shaken, and I felt awful for what I had done.  But I was now on a journey to find true love and the object of my heart’s desire.  It wasn’t with him, it wasn’t anywhere we could have lived.  Instead, we broke up and I got with someone else.  He moved away, ended things, and I moved shortly thereafter (I had planned to move before he ended things anyway).  I met new friends, started a new theatre path and met the love of my life who is able to give me everything.

This is why the journey is so important now.  This stretch of the journey is done, and I look back at the writings as a sort of diary about what happened and why things happened...and I’m thankful that things ended up the way they did.

I can appreciate the journey much more now because I went through so much.  The journey itself WAS my penance.  The journey is as important if not more than what you seek at the end.  I think this is why I still need to share it.

I can pass it off as just plain literature, based on true events.  A song/poem cycle.  Only a select few will know who it’s about, and I’m open to questions.