#goddmanit

It was clear the effort they were putting into the relationship. Maybe a bit too much of an effort, some might say. As the time passed, everyone close to them noticed how the smiles between them stopped reaching their eyes. Michael would never admit it, but Alex being kidnapped only sped up the inevitable.

Michael knew something bad happened before Forrest came to him in the middle of a panic attack. He had this prickling feeling on his neck that something was just not right since he opened his eyes that morning. Now he was gripping the steering wheel of his truck and focusing on not letting his powers break something. The adrenalin rush being the only thing keeping him from having a mental breakdown. Actually, filling in Forrest with the whole alien thing was a great distraction because of the many details and intricate history he had to cover. Maybe Forrest noticed it and kept asking questions to ground Michael to the task at hand. Maybe Michael will find a way to subtly thank him later for that. Just maybe.

After finding a path of bodies that lead to a bleeding Alex on the floor, Michael felt like breathing for the first time that day. The relief was short, however, and the moment he saw the deadly wound (gun? Knife? Oh God it was bad) he knew what he should do. Forrest was holding an unconscious Alex on his arms. Somehow he managed to tear apart the bloodied shirt to ease the access to the wound (thanks Forrest, again). Michael's healing powers were shit, and he knew he wouldn't be able to heal Alex completely, but damn him if he weren't going to die trying.

The last thing he clearly remembers is the glow on his hands. He has flashes of walking to the car and drinking acetone. He was 75% sure he didn't hallucinate Kyle being there to check up on Alex. Did Alex really ask to sleep by his side? Was Forrest still there? Who knew? Definitely not him.

The next day Michael woke up at noon, still not sure if he was indeed in bed with those two guys or if it was just his brain revenging him after almost melting it the night before. Alex was still too drugged up for Michael to feel anything concrete from the handprint, but only the fact everyone was breathing was enough to calm him down.

This moment of silence between the three of them only gave Michael the reassurance to set things right with Maria. He couldn't keep marinating her in a below-average relationship just so he could prove a point. Maria deserved more than he could give her.

-------

The break-up was... complex. He could see jealousy and suspicion in her body language, and nothing Michael said changed that. Deep down she always new the possibility of Michael going back to Alex, but she was willing to try anyway. She was making an effort not to be too angry, after all she knew her friend had a past with the cowboy but still wanted to try a relationship. She avoided Alex for a while, scared for his reaction, but when the confrontation happened, she was met with nothing but understanding. She’ll never know how Alex could be so calm back then, because right now this fucking hurt and she wanted to punch something.

Moments before he left, Maria stopped him, asking him the one thing he didn't want to answer.

"Why are you choosing him now, Michael?" She asked while putting too much force on drying a cup of glass. "The other day he was stabbed, and you stayed for me. So, what changed? Definitely not Alex almost dying"

"I don't... know." He hesitated. Who was he kidding, this was their break-up and she deserved the truth, even if it meant not crossing her path ever again. "I think that nothing changed, actually. I really believed we had a chance at being happy together, you and I, and I was willing to try. I was so focused on choosing you over him every time that in that morning it was more of an autopilot choice. I didn't follow my heart because I’ve programmed myself to choose you." He could feel his voice cracking. The words were too painful even to him, but once he started he couldn't stop.

"God, Michael" she put the glass down hard, the only reason for not breaking being its thickness. "I am angry, and sad, and I don't want to see you for a while, but..." she looked at him, her voice going a bit soft for her next words "what we had was exhausting. I've been trying to pinpoint the moment where we turned the relationship into an obligation. Now I see it’s been like this since the beginning, but we couldn’t keep the act for too long." 

"I'm sorry, Deluca."

"I'm sorry too." She turned her back on him to organize the bottles on the shelf. "Just... stay away for a while, yes? I need to clear my head."

Michael tipped his cowboy hat and left without saying a word. Mixed with the sadness was a sense of relief. Now Deluca was free from him, free to search for someone who will wholeheartedly love her the way she deserved. He didn’t regret being with her, they took a shot and failed, but that’s life. At least they know they tried. His regret was on his actions. Maybe if he’d been more honest since the beginning, the end would’ve been different. 

-------

Alex was still asleep when Michael came back to the cabin. The handprint feeling was still fuzzy, so good thing Alex didn't feel all the whirlwind of emotions from the conversation with Maria. Michael had to drive around for a few hours after leaving the Wild Pony just to clear his head. The first thing he noticed when entering the cabin was Forrest in the kitchen, probably cooking something for Alex.

"Alex said, and I quote, you like your coffee like you like your men and women: strong and sweet. Is that right?" Forrest asked without taking his eyes from the stove. "I’m cooking everyone’s favourite because... well... because I can, but also because we deserve it. Alex and I ate half an hour ago, but gimme five minutes and your food will be ready."

Michal was shocked. One thing was Alex telling Forrest what Michael liked to eat and drink, another thing was for Forrest to get out of his way to just cook it. Why would he do that, specially considering he was the ex in the equation? 

"Michael, I barely know you and I can almost feel you overthinking this. Before Alex went back to take a nap he told me you were getting near the cabin and that I should start cooking. Which reminded me, later you both must explain the whole handprint thing for me. I’m still digesting the whole alien superpower thing, but I want to know more" Michael could hear Forrest's smile in his voice. Forrest was relieved and comfortable so his entire body acted like it. 

"Michael. Sit."

And he sat on the table without thinking twice. Sure, the warmth he was feeling towards Forrest was 100% from Alex because of the handprint, but damn this pocket-size historian for making it way too easy to like him.

Forrest put the meal on the table and sat near him. Michael only realised he was starving the moment he took the first bite, and in less than 10 minutes all the food was gone. The coffee was in a nice mug with the Slipknot logo on it, probably Forrest’s, because he knew Alex inclined towards the more emo bands.

As he rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, Forrest sat on the couch. Michael knew he should leave and let Forrest take care of Alex, but he ended up sitting by the historian's side. He simply didn't want to go.

"Michael..." Forrest started, with his voice soft and his eyes even softer. "You are probably confused by your feelings because of the handprint. Right now you are feeling what Alex feels, so we can only have this full conversation once you are out of Alex's system."

Michael had to take a sip of his coffee just to do something with his hands. In his mind he was bracing himself for the final blow that would destroy him. Forrest was going to order him to leave them alone and never go back.

"Alex told me about your history, and I am so sorry for all the trauma you went through, and I am not saying only your hand.”

Oh, so Forrest knew about that.

“The three of us... we grew up thinking that love and pain are intertwined, you can only love something if you suffer for it." Forrest grabbed Michael's hands, forcing Michael to keep eye contact. "It took me and Alex years and a literal war to understand that love is not painful. It’s hard to believe, both at home or in a battlefield, and even to this day I wake up with doubts.” He paused, taking a deep breath. Michael could see Forrest tensing up, an indication that the next words were hard for him to say out loud. 

“Maybe my family is right and being gay is a punishment, and I deserve to be loveless and miserable for the rest of my life. When you hear you’re not worthy enough times, you start believing in it. Some days nothing, and I mean nothing, can change my mind."

Forrest noticed Michael was getting uncomfortable, and let go of his hands. Both took a sip of their drinks before Forrest sighed, and Michael could see the sadness behind his eyes. A sadness he knew all too well, one that everyone carries but few could hide well. It was a sadness that put doubt in people's heart and turned their self-worth into smoke. Michael wanted to hold Forrest and tell him that everything was going to be alright, but it was probably Alex' influence.

"Alex told me you grew up in the system, the next family worse than the last. I’ve worked with endangered youth, kids with similar stories, and I know how ugly it can get.”

Michael tensed up even more, a reflex that Forrest mistook for annoyance or anger. Michael tried his best to relax, to show Forrest it wasn’t him. It was an unconscious reaction from years of abuse. The historian hesitated for a moment, but then continued.

“What I’m saying is that... it was hard for me to learn that suffering for love ain't romantic or cute. Alex and I want to help you get out of this destructive path you are going through, but we need to start things right. No lies, no secrets, and specially no shame." Forrest grabbed Michael's hand again, but this time Michael was more comfortable. "I want you both to be happy, even if it means me getting out of the picture eventually." As a reflex, Michael tightened his hand, a silent 'no' for the possibility. Forrest smiled and let his thumb caressed the back of Michael's hand.

"I know you can't make any decision right now. First because you just broke up with a long-term friend, and second because of the handprint. Much of your feelings are from Alex, so you are biased. But..." He stopped to bring Michael hands to his lips, and Forrest kissed them lightly with a hint of a smile "once we settle down, we can try something different.”

Michael was taken by surprise. He ran many scenarios in his head, and none of them came close to <i>that.

“I mean, what's the point of being a gay historian if I keep my mind closed towards contemporary interpersonal relations? Monogamy is a recent construct to better control nuclear households and… and... I am going to stop because I am losing the focus here.”

Michael laughed. He understood more and more Forrest's appeal. After a few hours of almost losing Alex and breaking up with Maria, Forrest managed to make Michael laugh.

“Alex says I get a bit too passionate about this matters and..."

"Can I kiss you?" Michael blurted, surprising even himself. "I know, I know, the handprint and all, but Alex's feelings are still fuzzy from the drugs and I am pretty sure he doesn't control every single emotion I have." Now it was time for Forrest to be taken aback. He pondered for two heartbeats and nodded, still processing what just happened. 

Michael caressed Forrest face, mimicking what the historian did few moments ago on the back of his hand. Michael’s calloused fingers brushed the other man’s face, bringing him closer. It started as a brush of lips, and then escalated to a slow and tender kiss. It was one of those that meant comfort, not sex. It made Michael feel warm and safe. Forrest was saying "I accept you and you can stay", and Michael almost felt like crying.

The kiss was broken when they felt the weight shift in the sofa. Michael didn't know for how long they’ve been kissing. The only thing he processed was Forrest on his lap by the time Alex showed up. Michael was starting to panic when Forrest just let a little laugh, going back to the couch to give Alex a kiss on his forehead.

Michael's heart only came back to normal because he could feel how calm and peaceful Alex was. If not for the handprint, he’d definitely be running away right now. After the initial shock, Michael started to process how easy it felt to kiss Forrest while actively ignoring how he was the current boyfriend of his ex.

"You're overthinking again, Michael." Surprisingly (or maybe not), this phrase came out of Forrest, again. He didn't need a handprint to understand what was going on inside the alien's head, and that scared Michael. If only by knowing the stories he understood Michael better than his siblings, what would Forrest be able to do with a little more intimacy?

"War taught us that we can't take tomorrow for granted." Alex said, with a hint of tiredness in his voice that only existed after a drug-induced sleep. "That doesn't mean I'll feel sorry for you and let you go away with all the shit you put me through, Guerin." Alright, back to the last name basis then. "But I will, actually we will, offer you a chance of redemption, but it will all depend on you."

"Own your mistakes and learn from them. Don't project your faults onto others." Forrest said while standing up from the couch. "That means no more bullshit, Guerin."

Michael felt oddly comforted by both men being so straightforward. Yeah, he could get used to this bluntness. Maybe this is the first change he has to make from now on.

"Once this handprint fades and we’re in fully control of our emotions, we’ll talk about possibilities. Right now I just need to focus on not dying from an infected wound which an alien helped to heal." Alex said, finishing Forrest's tea to the last drop.

“Now, let’s give ourselves some time to digest everything. God knows I still need to process that I made coffee for an alien”. Which, by the way, would you like some more tea, captain?” Forrest stood up and grabbing the mug from Alex' hands. He didn't have to look at Alex to know the answer. "More coffee for you, Michael?" He motioned to the mug on the table.

Michael nodded, still mesmerized by what was happening. They had a long path ahead of them, but he knew how easy could it be to fall into a routine with them. Maybe the Slpiknot mug would slowly turn into his mug, and this realisation terrified him.

Michael slowly gave the object to the historian. He felt like if he moved a bit too abrupt, everything would dissolve and he would wake up in the airstream. Instead, the only thing that happened was Forrest going back to the kitchen and Alex completely relaxed on the couch. 

“Did he give you the whole speech about monogamy and nuclear households? I mean, the whole speech?” Michael shook his head no, and Alex let out a soft laugh. “Then get ready for at least a two-hour lecture from him. I’m not exaggerating. He has a powerpoint presentation about it.” 

Michael could feel more of Alex as the seconds passed, and he has never been so sure that he wanted to change. Forrest and Alex started talking about nothing in particular and Michael closed his eyes, letting himself be surrounded by the tenderness and warmth radiating from that place.

Quincy:

Quincy are summoners, usually focusing on spirits or otherworldly beings. Yokai sorta-mostly fall into this category, so in Japan they’re a pretty common result of a summoning.

What the summoner GETS is usually limited by the circle and what they were thinking of when they activated it. “Contracts” are usually partially-written into the circle itself, at least in overarching terms, and then verbally confirmed by both summoned and summoner and sealed with their freely given name.

Uryuu’s circle is, uh… not actually a real circle. He drew it from memory, but his memory of it is wrong, so he basically kludged together two circles by accident and got Ichigo and Chad as a result, which is why they could walk out of the circle so easily. He also didn’t really include any sort of Actual Contract into the circle, just a welcome, and when he activated the circle he was consciously thinking about wanting to show his father how good of a summoner he could be, and subconsciously thinking about wanting someone that would give a damn about him.

(He was expecting a lesser yokai, basically a “pet” sort of summons that most Quincy never bother with beyond their first or second lesson and that he never got the chance to summon himself because Souken died before Uryuu was old enough to actually summon something.)

Quincy often use temporary summons along with more permanent contract partners to fight malicious spirits/yokai/spiritual things in general. Or, well, whatever they FEEL is malicious. Depending on the Quincy, that can be a pretty broad category. Summoning is basically like using fire to fight fire, and the Quincy have made an entire art out of it.

They’re not helpless without their summons, they do have their own magic and spells and everything, it’s just a lot more efficient to use summons. Why struggle on your own when you can throw numbers at the problem?

(Now, this isn’t to say that Quincy don’t or can’t care about their summons or their contract partners, but a lot of them tend to just view what they summon as weapons?

It’s why Uryuu is so surprised at the way his contracts with Ichigo and Chad feel compared to what Souken told him to expect: Souken had semi-reluctant contracts at best and viewed most yokai as little better than living weapons, to be treated well and cared FOR, but not particularly cared ABOUT. Uryuu, on the other hand, wanted friends and Actual Companions, and so the contract is completely willing on Ichigo and Chad’s part.)

Shinigami:

These are a relatively small group of powerful yokai that take it upon themselves to police yokai in general in order to “keep them away from humans” in the current era. They don’t really like summoners because those are humans “controlling” other yokai in order to fight OTHER yokai, and they see that as both encroaching on their territory and being an affront against nature.

Their “inner spirits” are actually akin to what Starrk does in canon; splitting their powers out so that they’re not quite so overwhelming to other yokai. Younger or lesser Shinigami don’t usually have enough power to have a distinct secondary, so they mostly get something that looks like a ghost-mist with little more than basic agency. The more effort and strength they put into it, the more resolved the mist becomes until it becomes another “self”.

Hollows:

This AU, ‘hollows’ are actually just various malicious spiritual entities, yokai or otherwise. The ones that cross the boundary between just “malicious” and into “Hollow” territory are the ones that are capable of growing stronger through the destruction of other beings, human or otherwise, instead of just through age. Some Hollows are born this way and don’t know of any other means of life, and others actively attempt to become like this or do so accidentally.

(Not all Hollows are monstrous creatures capable only of destruction, however. Especially if they were born that way. Really the only ACTUAL requirement is that they grow stronger from the destruction of other beings and the subsequent absorption of a portion of the being’s strength. But the definition that both Shinigami and Quincy use is the one above.)

(This does mean that more “peaceful” Hollows can usually live without being bothered all that much, especially if they keep their destruction focused on actively malicious entities.)

Ichigo:

He’s is usual awkwardly overpowered self and, despite being both young and NOT ACTUALLY A SHINIGAMI, has both Shiro and Zangetsu manifested.

(Isshin is a tengu Shinigami, and Masaki is an unaffiliated kitsune. She’s taught Ichigo a LOT of things that Isshin really wouldn’t approve of if he knew, but Isshin’s usually pretty busy with his Shinigami duties and when he’s home he’s a goofball and overlooks a LOT.)

(Masaki IS alive in this AU, she’s just one of Inari’s messengers and now that Ichigo is old enough to care for his younger sisters she’s often off performing her duties.)

Shiro and Zangetsu didn’t arrive at the summoning with Ichigo and Chad because they were a small distance away, sparring together. They’re Not Very Pleased with their Other, especially when they discover that Ichigo entered into a contract without their agreement. After all, they’re part of him too and should have had a say.

(Honestly, it doesn’t take long for Uryuu to win Shiro and Zangetsu over, even if he IS a bit afraid of the two at first, especially Shiro.)

Shiro and Zangetsu are an awkward pair: Shiro takes more after Ichigo’s tengu side in appearance, but he’s got more of a kitsune nature. Zangetsu is the opposite, and he’s absolutely FRUSTRATED by this at varying intervals. He wants to be a bird, thanks.

(Ichigo constantly finds Zangetsu perching on high points and has absolutely no idea HOW Zangetsu gets up there.)

Zangetsu and Shiro can make themselves appear to be a regular fox and bird respectively.

(Ichigo calls them “conveniently travel sized” and immediately regretted that decision but refuses to take it back. Because they ARE, thanks. This is also part of the reason Isshin hasn’t noticed that Ichigo did a Shinigami Thing without being an actual Shinigami.)

Chad:

He doesn’t have an external spirit. Ichigo’s taught him the process, but he really doesn’t have an interest in it. He’s content with the way he is, and doubts he’ll ever be so strong that splitting off parts of himself will be necessary in order to remain around other yokai.