this is a long one. bare with me.

so this someone i used to know, ha used to know indeed. he pulls the latest, most cliche, immature,childish,rude,pathetic move: using another girl to get me jealous. i was so so upset, ive never been treated that way and i dont deserve that whatsoever. he seriously needs to grow the fuck up. this was the biggest wake up call for me. for over a year, ive clinged on to this one. knowing how he was immature, isnt proud to show his feelings for me, is embarrassed to tell about me to his family, doesnt know what he wants and puts me through a lot of stress. but because i cared about him so much, i put up with it. he had me around his finger, anything he desired, i was there. i bended backwards for him. why? because he made me laugh, we could relate, had some fun time, but he never did anything extraordinary for me, he never went out his way for me, i was always instigating getting together, suggesting hanging out, ect. and i have been this way with most guys.

why is it that i fall for these guys who kinda like me, but eh, let me do all the effort and recieve everything??

it's time for a fucking change. i'm going to be 20 years old this year, i'm an adult and i dont need to be babysitting in relationships anymore. i'm fucking tired. you know, i have flaws, but who doesnt? i have some amazing qualities that most girls wish they had. i have self respect, and believe in myself. i bring so much to the table, funny, considerate, thoughtful, appreciative, generous, charismatic, spontaneity, and i treat them so well. beyond what they deserve, but i do because i care. i am genuine, unlike no others, and a could be a fucking amazing girlfriend with only asking of maturity and someone for me.

i'm tired of always chasing, you know for once, i'd like to be the one chased. is that too much to ask?

college done me a lot of good. i learned to GROW THE FUCK UP. and i need a guy to do the same. i seriously need a man and not a child.

i really dont ask for much, i'm just tired of being stressed, making so much of an effort, getting so anxious and worried, for a little kid.

it's really not fair to me, it's really not.

i want someone to support me and everything i do, someone to be proud of me, proud to call me their girlfriend,  someone who accepts me for who i am , good and bad.

someone i am so comfortable around and can do anything with, and can tell anything to.

i'm going to keep my hopes up, and faith alive. i want to start devoting some time to prayer to God for the right person in my life. for it to come naturally and through good vibes and spirits.

i am a diamond in the rough and someone is out there ready to find it.

Dear God, though this has been a test, I trust in you, that You have someone out there for me, and that this person was just an obstacle in finding the one. I will keep faith in you, and things will fall into place. Though this year might be tough facing this boy everyday, give me the courage to be strong, to be better than this and to shine. Give me the strength that others can see and that others can see You shine through me.

My Dad didn't give me my school allowance...Its EITHER HE FORGET OR HE PURPOSELY! Hisssh!