#glorfindelnoplease

Good friends??? 😱✨ YOU DARE ASK IF WE’RE GOOD FRIENDS?? 😱

I— oh, where do I even begin? That despicable glorious golden mess of a sunshine elf who has somehow managed to convince everyone that he’s some kind of heroic figure? 🤦‍♂️ Let me tell you, dearest friend, if only you knew.

I have known Glorfindel for ages, and I can confirm, without a doubt, that he is a constant source of unwanted drama, unneeded enthusiasm, and—quite frankly—unbearable levels of brightness.

Yes, brightness. (And no, not in the metaphorical or intellectual sense, I mean that his hair can blind you on a sunny day. It is distracting.) 🙄💫🌞

Now, the rumors about him and Erestor, oh my stars—don't get me started. 😤 I do not know who started these heinous whispers, but I for one, would never indulge in such foolishness. Erestor and Glorfindel, eh? Let’s just say their "friendship" is like a never-ending, dramatic, overly-verbose play with no real plot—and I have been unwillingly dragged into more rehearsals than I care to admit. 🤦‍♂️💀

And the physical, my dear friend, the physical. 😤 Have you ever been in the same room as Glorfindel when he isn't glowing? Because I swear, when he's around, my very being feels like it’s being suffocated by the sheer volume of radiance coming from him. Can someone please tell me how one elf can possibly manage to be this extra? The hair, the armor, the smiling, the breezy attitude, like he’s some kind of celestial deity—it’s enough to drive anyone to exhaustion. 😩✨

Do not let this "fame" fool you. Do not let the mysterious allure and dramatic entrances distract you. If you want to know the truth about Glorfindel—well, let’s just say, no one looks that perfect without a significant amount of work. 🤫 You think it’s all natural? Trust me, it is not. No elf could possibly be this... shiny. 🙄

I mean, let’s be honest—I bet it’s a weave. 🤔 You can’t just naturally shine like that. I’ve seen the way his hair catches the light—it’s suspicious. No way that's just sun-kissed elven magic, nope. I’m calling it: high-end elven extensions with a touch of radiant glamour magic. 💇‍♂️✨

I am, unfortunately, acquainted with the walking beacon of eternal brightness, the golden drama king himself, Glorfindel. Yes. But let me be perfectly clear, my dear friend: good friends we are not. 😒

I am, however, well-versed in enduring his incessant golden glow and over-the-top heroics (all of which, I must stress, are mostly exaggerated). His hair never stops shining—seriously, it’s like he bathes in sunlight and uses it as a conditioner. Is this natural? I ask myself daily.

Is it possible to have that much radiance without some sort of magical contract? 💫✨ (Maybe The Lady of Light herself is behind it???)

Let’s talk about his "charming" personality, shall we? The ‘Blondest of Elves,’ as I call him, has a way of speaking in grandiose terms, like he’s too important to be in the same room as the rest of us mere mortals. 🙄 Oh, you’re a “war hero” and a “savior”? You must tell me about it for the millionth time, Glorfindel. Don’t worry, I have nothing else to do but listen to your tales of glory… and suppress the urge to roll my eyes every time you mention your "glorious" battles. 🏅 Brilliant. Truly.

And let us not forget his fashion sense—oh yes, the golden armor that screams, “Look at me! I’m the hero!” as if anyone could possibly miss him in the middle of a battle. No, really, Glorfindel, you’re so subtle. I’m sure Morgoth’s forces quivered in terror at the thought of your glittering presence on the battlefield 🙄✨.

He gets enough praise as it is—he does not need more! In fact, I’m pretty sure if he had one more compliment, his hair would spontaneously combust in an inferno of radiant self-satisfaction. 🔥🌞

Am I a fan, you ask? Of course not. Glorfindel is the last elf I would ever want to be a fan of, and let me be clear—if he ever catches wind of this post—I’m absolutely certain he’ll show up at Rivendell with his unfortunate hair and his tales of heroism in full force to “teach me a lesson” in some grandiose display of “goodness”. I’m sure I’ll be thrilled. 😑