with the adrenaline singing in his ears, the fairy wine coursing through his blood sending tingling sensations to his fingertips and a flush of warmth throughout his body, the words behind him would have had been music to his ears any other day. the voice, however, was more than enough to sober the summer general for a seconds worth as he spun on his heel to face the golden fae. it was the beginning of sunset, the brilliantly red and orange hues shining behind lucius illuminating him like a god in all his glory. the revel exploded around them and yet: there was such peace, such content graced upon the fae’s features it caught at cassian’s throat with an iron fist. 

     “you aren’t just beautiful, you are otherworldly and vaguely terrifying.” the words slipped past lucius’s lips, past the air between them and seemingly tugged at the heartstrings within cassian. it was the wine, without a doubt, that had the latter acting so congenial, so unrestricted that cassian made his way towards lucius with no recognition of his feet moving and with a lift of his hand, grazed the cheek of the icarian with his knuckles until his thumb landed on lucius’s lips. there was no music, no frenzy swirling around them for it all went near mute as cassian devoured the fae before him with his eyes. 

     behind lucius’s shoulder on his left, isaliendrin came into view out of the shadows of the forest edge as his brother swung an arm around aurelia whom was in the crowd, barking laughter with his head thrown back and on the right, cordelia sat on a log with florence looking engrossed in conversation. dragging his attention back onto lucius, the world moving blurred and hazy, cassian brought his second hand upwards to cup his face. the painstakingly aggravating energy that gravitated a person towards lucius, that radiated off of him so effortlessly would be gone in a weeks time and he had no idea. cocking his head to the side, cassian smiled a lazy smile. there was such a need, a yearning screaming inside cassian to pull lucius towards him and consume him. 

[ @gildedlucius [

The question might have prompted a dozen answers not very long past, a rattling of a list made up of names and possibilities that didn't ring exactly fear in the back of his mind but a deep apprehension of the worst that might as well have been kin to the feeling. It was surprising that, in moment, Cal struggled for an answer that felt honest.

Not that he owed the other man honesty, he owed that to none but his own Court, his friends, those etched into his veins by what they meant. He didn't owe anyone else such things but too often he gave it in small ways because he didn't see the harm, but also wasn't accustomed to seeing the sort of malicious chaos the past few days had granted him. 

In some way the politics didn't surprise him, he'd been a part of the Court himself long enough to know those in power were simply children scrambling for toys they did not want to share. Now those toys were stained with blood and, still, they were eager to invent new games to play. 

It wasn't fair of him to shut down entirely, the other man was still mostly unknown but their last meeting had left Cal deeply curious of something he had glimpsed but had not spoken of. It still tangled in the back of his thoughts, convincing him the question didn't hold cold intention. Kindness, or something a cousin to it; and if anything the bloodshed recently had shown Cal there wasn't nearly enough of that rarity in the Courts. Of course, he was only a fool for it. Or perhaps he just wasn't crafted of the correct sort of stormy waters to shove a cold shoulder towards others himself. 

"I'm not," he finally uttered, because fear was not the name he would place to what he felt. There were better ones; disgust, uncertainty, troubled worry, but fear was what a person wrapped around themselves alone. "I don't really have the luxury of that."