#gibberishnotes

The last time I wrote something here, I was in a theoretically miserable state. I was crying regularly, ignoring social interaction with everyone, and trying to sleep with desperation. Funny enough, I am back here now with quiet the same condition, only the matters that have driven it that's different. I won't go to the details of what happened, that's not why I am here. I'm here in an attempt to relieve the burden inside my chest so I could breathe.

I've been experiencing the whole unexplainable bursting emotions for a month now. When this particular problem first exposed itself before me, I was acting pretty cool about it. I thought, "there's no reason to be all dramatic about it. I passed harder ones before, and this one too shall pass."

As it turned out, this 'small' problem took longer to resolve than I've expected. Eventually, it took a heavy toll on me. I began to think about how unfair everything is and how nobody has tried to dig a bit deeper into my unspoken, bottled-up feelings. I tried to think positively and see everything from the bright side but only faced failure. Anger and disappointment overwhelmed me. I cried this month more than I've cried for the whole year.

This evening, I did myself a favor and called one of my closest friends. I was crying for a solid 10 minutes and she was just, "cry away. Let it all out". She is thousands of miles away but understands better than the people who are within arm's reach with me. She knows that 'I am okay' is a cover I used to hide a bigger truth. Though that doesn't come overnight. We have been friends for five years, helping each other through the bitterness of college life together and that makes her have the experience most of the people around me in this city don’t. 

This experience has not yet ended. But it taught me one thing about helping others during their hardest times; sometimes asking ‘are you okay?’ many times isn’t enough. We should be deeply sensitive of what others are experiencing and willing to understand. Sometimes people just need a reassurance that we truly care and that our boring questions aren’t just part of your professional courtesy. 

I hope from this experience, I could learn to become a better assistance to my friends who’d face their hard times in the future.