one day i will rise above the ground
and fail to lower my head at the slightest sound
i can’t catch my breath though it’s like the rain
heavy head and wet on the brain
it forgot how to breathe and now i’m tumbling down
i’m down down down in the pit of my bed like the
like the deepest part of a swamp
i’m like stuck on it i’m stuck
i can feel my chest pull every apparatus towards it
anything i pull close to my chest
in an attempt to be one with the warm feeling that i’ll
feel it on the inside i can’t
seem to find the source of my heartbeat anymore it
feels like it’s in my head.
i wanna fucking scream it feels like my head is in a pool
i’ve detached from my body it’s like i see myself above water but i feel like i’m drowning
i want to swim my way out
but i don’t have any limbs
and so it’s easier to just sink
i just want to vanish completely like a blimp in the sky
the kite u thought was a bird
it would be easier to disappear in space
until my heart beat is too tired to ring in my head
i can’t help but feel so so small
you’re supposed to be here too
you’re supposed to be love
this is a personification of the vomit i have to keep neatly below my throat because i feel
the bile and the hurt and the
much and tidily in my chest
i want to pass out because it’s better than struggling to breathe but i am engulfed
my tears my tears they are
trying to settle the plates the
tectonic plates are moving shattering i want them to hit me—
there is no sound just silence
i hear silence but i feel screams
ugly, scratching, clawing
ripping up my lungs, charging up and down my throat
i thought i would be better i thought i would be better.
shrill screams, ringing, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
you can’t detach your head from your leg you can’t write without your head you
the appendages cling closely to your chest and yet
no living thing wonders what you work so hard to protect
your hand perched like a dangerous bird on your chest
watching protecting as your arms try to act as a cocoon your
otherwise you are helpless helpless to the thoughts
to the yelling to the voices
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
it makes you gag at the thought it makes your stomach flip over
indication of horrible happenings
how easily reality shifts