#ghostesses hostesses

idek where to start im literally writing this to get everything straight and try to vent

Ok so my friend got a new tattoo, which i think is dumb that she has this obsession with putting inane decorations on her skin spur of the moment in stead of saving her spots for something that will actually matter to her later in life but im happy shes enjoying herself and shes happy. and she showed me it when they drew it and Like it was super cool except one part which was the part where smack at the top of it was the admittedly not uncommon tattoo design that Ive wanted since like honestly like my 2nd year of jr high I think is when I first started drawing it on myself.

And I was and am still incredibly stunned and hurt by it because its something that is very important to me. It’s a tattoo of a moon which shocker, is a pretty common thing but the way I draw it is a little more uncommon not that it’s that important. I just felt really betrayed and hurt and cheated. I also feel like shit though because in spite of everything I got mad at my friend and I hate that I hurt my friend  just because I let my emotions lead me. And I am literally never going to be able to get that tattoo now, even though in the end she didn’t get it the way I wanted mine. In the end if I get it instead of enjoying it as the one symbol I really identify with myself as an essence I would only ever see how hurt and upset I was

The worst part is that I feel STUPID for being upset about it I feel STUPID for still crying about it even when she tried to explain it away. And honestly that just made me angrier and now I feel stupid

I feel guilty for being upset and it feels like some sort of twisted backwards sort of abuse and here im making myself SICK over something like this I don’t know how to feel I feel conflicted and lonely. I don’t want my friend to hate me. I feel like im in the right but at the same time I feel guilty its so hard to explain. Why does having people you care about have to be so hard. Especially when so often you question whether they actually care about you at all.

I think what hurts me most is that I don’t feel like I can trust my friend with anything I love anymore.

Why do I have to be such a piece of shit.

This didn’t get anything straight in my head at all if anything its more jumbled up then ever I cant even sleep bc im so upset about this and she’s probably mad at me bc of this.

He doesn’t realize that that is not what ANYONE wants nor is it the best thing to do and tbh I am pretty miffed that Aphmau knows about this and just nonchalantly shrugged it off when if it were anyone else of her personal guard she would be scampering off through the woods to find them. That isn’t trust or anything like that. She should be concerned but she isn’t, and even when she has a lot on her plate that should be something that would be something she would normally check on first and foremost.

It makes it seem like she doesn’t care about Laurance at all and unless she has something big planned with that next episode that made it ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY that we have this inane chat with Aaron and watch him walk off when she should be gallivanting through the woods to find Laurance I’m gonna say that is just kind of unrealistic as writing.

She has bonded with Laurance more than anyone of her now personal guard, he was her guard before even Aaron, the next oldest to the series, was even INTRODUCED. She has also been shown to have feelings and share some kind of romantic relationship with Laurance, even though Garroth is gone and neither of them wants to move on without him, or not give him a fair chance with Aphmau too. So the Idea that the loving and attentive mother Aphmau casually forgot Laurance like that when he could need help badly makes me kind of sad.

Ok, Proper Theory time now instead of just ranting. Like I said pretty much everyone confirmed that Laurance is, in the short of it, forcibly disassociating himself from his emotions. Sasha said it; Michi confirmed Sasha and Laurance had been talking about it. Here’s the kicker, I think Aaron is helping.

Before you jump down my throat and shred my lungs let me explain I don’t mean that Aaron is trying to cause Laurance harm. He, as a person who separated himself from his emotions for a long time and still does it sometimes, believes he is helping and that there is nothing wrong with it. Laurance is a different person though.

Ever since I saw Aaron’s flashback of Falcon Claw, I haven’t thought of him the same because of one small insignificant reason. Remember when Jacob brought the amulet, Aaron’s response chilled me.

“What is that? Give it to me!” And then almost scornfully, “What have I TOLD you Jacob, don’t take things from strangers.” For a loving father that was a very aggressive response, and when he was described as a mad lord who murdered his people it kind of startled me as well because he did seem a little manic in that flashback. We know for a fact that he did not kill his people, because Aphmau saw his flashback too. There are ways that it COULD be that he did it, such as saying the amulet caused him to forget he did it etc. but they didn’t happen.

Laurance is a person who relies very very heavily on his emotions. He loves very loudly and loves everyone in his care to an extent. He loves Aphmau enough to die for her. He is goofy and impulsive and angry but also vey very happy. He is an emotionally based person. Strong and silent is not how he is, which is how Aaron is. So Aaron may see him disconnecting from his emotions as a normal or even sensible thing, because he is a flawed character who has experienced it himself.

So I think that’s where Aaron is going, to help Laurance train himself not to feel. The idea kind of makes me sick. In fact when Sasha said “…you could just ask Laurance.” She was so smug and confident in her words with that awful edge to them. It sent shivers down my spine and continues to do so every time I watch that part. That part genuinely scared me. Laurance is my favorite character and it makes me sad that he seems to be being forgotten. I hope Aphmau saves him, because right now it seems like the only one she cares to talk to is Aaron. Also the fact Aaron isn’t telling her about this is very suspicious.

I first started watching you back in the Iron and Coal days, and after that was over I stopped watching your stuff as often. Shameful to think of now, but I would still come back every so often to check on you and watch some videos.

I still remember the day I came back and decided to watch Minecraft Diaries. I watch a few different youtubers and for some reason a few of them weren’t really putting out much content, so I was looking for something to watch. I don’t remember exactly why but I went to your channel. S1 episode Hamster Boat Party had been out for a few days and I had seen MCD origins episodes up before and I figured that meant there would be a good handful of content for me to enjoy before I ran out.

At first that’s all it was to me, a good way to kill time for a little bit until I ran out of episodes. I eagerly burned through Origins in about 4 days, and I really enjoyed it! I loved all the little mods and watching you play them, as I couldn’t. Then I moved on to Season 1, I expected a continuation of your previous world, and was a little disappointed to see it was a new one. That disappointment didn’t last long as even in the first episode I really started to get into the story right away.

When I got to the most recent episode, I believe 2 episodes had come out in the time, I panicked. I had gotten so into the story the idea of a cliff hanger for even a little while was mortifying. I quickly found out that it updated regularly. From that point on I’ve watched every episode, some more than once.

MCD is one of my favorite things and has gotten me through some really hard times. Around the time Lady’s Best Friend came out I was really unhappy and upset and depressed and kept it all pent up inside. When I watched that I cried so hard and couldn’t stop, not only did it break my heart but it helped me realize just how badly I NEEDED to cry at that time. It helped me so much and lots of episodes before and after that have helped me too, but that is the one I remember best. It’s also my favorite episode.

I’m sorry for running off on a tangent, my point is that you make content that makes people feel deeply and that’s a really difficult thing to do sincerely. A lot of youtubers content is made to be purely humorous, or scary. You have viewers who adore you and your work because you make them feel so much, so thank you again Aphmau. I may not always like your decisions in the series or who ends up with whom, but if they weren’t your decisions it wouldn’t be Minecraft diaries or MyStreet. So no matter what they are I’ll always try to support them respectfully. 

The thread that followed it was absolutely horrible, from people defending it to the people agreeing it was horrifying to watch. People flagrantly saying “Yeah I agree he should die he’s ruining my ship.” Other people defending Aaron saying things like “he’s not the one who should die you are,” and other things along those lines. The whole thing was almost 70 comments of people spewing hate at each other and that’s not how it should be.

It doesn’t MATTER what characters you ship or which characters you dislike. What does matter is we are all here because we love MyStreet, and Minecraft Diaries, and overall Aphmau. We’re together in that and really aren’t we all above such crassly horrible comments. I personally don’t like Aaron that much in MCD or MyStreet, that’s my personal opinion, but that doesn’t mean that I would want him to die, or be injured, or even stop being in the episodes.

               Aaron is an important character, and he is a person. Tbqh seeing smth like this makes me feel kind of sick and very sad to see something like this. This is a show based on lighthearted fun stories and characters and really I thought people would see that and be above something like this. Smh the guy who posted that comment ought to be ashamed and a lot of people in that thread should be too.

               People like that are often why great content makers end up stop making the great content we love so much. They get so obsessed with what they want out of it and forget to enjoy it for what it is. Just because you don't like the character or ship doesn't mean he should die. They start spreading so much hate it isnt fun for anyone anymore and so stuff like this stops getting made because the creator can’t stand all the hate.        

  Tbh this is kind of an eye opener for me though. I was starting to get really salty about this in my head bc I was kind of annoyed at the fact that such a base character was the main love interest in MyStreet and it seems more likely that he will become the main love interest in MCD too. Seeing that though really makes me realize how quickly something like a little salt can get out of hand.

  These are just fictional characters in a fictional story. It is a loveable story that we all have our own ships and opinions on, but still it is only a fictional series. There is no need to corrupt yourself or the feeling it has just because you don’t like a character.

@aphmau forgive us, we are only but flawed beings v.v