geun-won.

for whatever reason, i feel for him.

yes. he was an absolute dick the whole show. he did horrible things. he caused pain that no person should have to go through, and he barely showed any sense of remorse.

do i blame his father? yes, his father raised him to be like this. his father taught him to treat everyone else like lowly presences, his father encouraged him to do it all for the money and the company, his father told him not to be guilty about stepping on others for his own sake. his father also constantly told him he was worthless and useless to the company and couldn't make decisions. but can i blame director jang when, at moments throughout the show, i felt for him as well?

the horrible life of both of them, each who learned to survive by stepping on others. i'm lamenting at this point.

despite geun-won literally triggering my fight or flight reflex, some piece of me couldn't hold a grudge against him like saeroyi did. and i understand saeroyi's reasoning obviously, but i just

that one scene? where geun-won is sent to dinner with the owner of a company's daughter, and we realize how few social skills he has, and how-

i can't even say it.

and how he said he doesn't like to eat chicken.

like that scene, near the beginning of the show, where director jang made him murder a chicken with his own two hands. a lonely, confused, seventeen year old bully who was scared of killing a chicken. the experience of twisting its neck, hearing its scream. seeing its blood on his hands.

his "date" of course wonders wtf the chairman of a food company's son is doing hating chicken, while he continues to make a conversational fool of himself.

he can't eat chicken.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS FACT ABSOLUTELY CRUSHES MY HEART. but it's not all his fault. yes, he should take responsibility for what he's done instead of having his dad solve all the problems for the company's image, but it's simply how he's learned to live.

twisted, cruel defense mechanisms. a lack of sympathy. an assumtion that everything will go his way because he was born into a wealthy family. brutal threats sent to enemies in the belief that nothing can touch him, and when it finally does, and his whole world falls apart before his own eyes,

what would he do?

how does someone come back from that?

i guess the show didn't have time for his character development. they spent a lot of time on yi-seo and saeroyi's ✨blossoming romance✨, and not enough on the man who was never loved.

he must be in so much pain. and never having been taught how to deal with it, he takes it out on others.

it reminds me of how, the first time i paid attention to the lyrics of one of the songs from the ost, "still fighting it," the song goes "and you're so much like me" and for whatever reason even though it's written from a different perspective i thought of it as a comparison of saeyori and geun-won. but saeyori paid for what he did at the beginning, and learned how to better control his emotions because he knew from his father's training that living was going to be hard work and he needed to learn how to be responsible. meanwhile, geun-won was never taught how to be responsible or even how to apologize. he grew up abusing his brother and having his father take care of all the trouble he caused. having his faults ignored because he was the son of an important man. they weren't so different, but saeroyi learned how to live better.

i am in so much pain and this has not helped a bit because i still have so much to say but i have to go study