I am an enneagram type one – which means I have a lovely inner critic constantly reminding me what I could do better. Some of you may know that voice as Type A, or maybe you’re the first-born child. Either way, the inner critic is a voice familiar to a lot of us.
My inner critic was kind enough to remind me I have started numerous projects over the years and rarely finished any of them. I launched a photography business (more than once). I have boxes of documents I was going to scan and store electronically. I started to spring and fall clean but didn’t finish either. Is there a word for cleaning in July? I started to re-teach myself how to sew, and then put the sewing machine back in the closet. I have started to re-learn both Spanish and Japanese numerous times. I asked my friend to teach me American Sign Language and gave up after two lessons. You get the idea.
This inner voice is not kind when it reminds me I am a failure for not finishing these things. “My life could be so much better if I would follow through on something” – it says. “I could be getting out of debt faster if I would just work harder or longer.”
Then it hit me. I committed to getting out of debt about 3 years ago. While I still have debts to pay, I have made huge progress and it is a task I am still working hard on, without giving up. In fact, paying off debt has been the single, largest factor in most of my decisions in the last few years. I changed many habits in pursuit of getting out of debt as quickly as humanly possible. I have missed a family wedding, skipped vacations, switched to generic groceries and aggressively couponed. I even collect refundable cans to help get me earn a few extra bucks. All of these decisions have something to do with paying down debt as quickly as possible.
Before I started making debt payments, I set the goal of raising a $2000 emergency fund, which I not only completed, but it is earning interest and currently sits at $2250. Subsequently, in 2 years I have gone from $5300 debt across 2 cards to $740 on 1 card, while reducing my student loans by $600.
So, no, I did not finish organizing my closet. No, I have not traded in my old laptop. Those documents are still in boxes, and I have not finished spring cleaning. My Christmas lights are still on my porch, in true redneck fashion.
HOWEVER- I have made huge strides in getting out of debt. For this I must remember to be grateful. I must remember to celebrate the small milestones along with the big ones. I must remember that my ego voice, especially the inner critic, does not always get the final say. As Elizabeth Gilbert would say, the critic is no longer a driver and does not even get control of the radio. My inner critic can just be a passenger and enjoy the ride.
I have learned to forgive the inner critic, for well, being critical, and in doing so, forgiven myself for making mistakes or doing things slowly. I have even allowed myself to have rest days and the occasional tub of ice cream. I have certainly earned it.
So, my friends, take a listen inside. Hear your inner critic, but lovingly tell him to hop in the back seat. God has a plan for your life, and it is far bigger than anything your inner critic could ever imagine.
