Get Beached! Chubby Merman Derek
(Inspired by the wonderful art of Sterekschub on DeviantArt)
“Scott, you’ve gotta help me, man,” Stiles whined into the phone.
“Dude, you know I’m at work right now!” Scott replied.
“I know, dude! And you’re a Vet Tech! This is totally up your alley!”
“Stiles, I deal with dogs and cats all day.” Scott sighed.
“So? Think of him like a really big goldfish!” Stiles replied. “Like, really, REALLY big!”
“He’s not a goldfish, Stiles, he’s a merman. And he can probably hear you right now. Mer people have excellent hearing.”
“Shit! I forgot that!” Stiles spun around quickly to look out the window.
The merman in question seemed to be ignoring him if he could hear him. He still lay propped up on the edge of the kiddie pool, lazily eating the pizza Stiles had brought out to him.
“C’mon, man! He’s too heavy for me to carry all by myself!” Stiles whispered.
The merman turned his head and glared at Stiles through the window. He took an angry bite of pizza, showing off his razor sharp teeth.
Stiles swallowed. “Shit.”
“How did you even get him into your backyard?” Scott asked.
Stiles rubbed his aching lower back. “Long story.”
“Whatever, dude. Look, I’ll be there after I get off. I’ve gotta go. Mrs. Rodriguez is here with Toto again.”
“Wow, that’s the third time in two weeks! Is she going for a frequent visitor discount or something?”
Stiles sighed as the call disconnected, and looked back outside. The merman...Derek, if Stiles understood him correctly,...was still munching hungrily on the pizza. His heavy mounded belly jutted out proudly as he reclined on the edge of the small inflatable pool, topped by his equally proad chest...which was definitely looking thicker than when Stiles last saw him.
Never in a million years would Stiles have guessed that the merman he’d shared fast food with a couple of times off a hidden beach in L.A. would actually find a way to swim upstream to the Beacon Hills preserve. But that is exactly what seemed to have happened.
This had to be the most extreme case of “don’t feed the wildlife or they’ll follow you home” anyone had ever heard of...not that anyone else could know about it. Stiles’s dad was barely tolerant of the fact that Scott was a werewolf and Lydia was a banshee. Tell him that a merman had taken to him like some lost puppy and he’d probably have a heart attack, and Stiles had spent too long looking after that man’s heart to let that happen.
Outside, the merman finished the last slice of pizza and let out a loud burp before rubbing his stomach.
Stiles watched the motion with not a small amount of arousal. He’d discovered at college that abs were cool and all but chubby guys were really more his bag, and this merman was definitely chubby, or maybe pushing past it. In any case, Stiles definitely had a thing for his mer-stalker, which probably wasn’t healthy. But then again, he had spent the last semester sharing burgers and burritos with the guy while he vented on the beach. Mostly about his dad’s inability to lay off the doughnuts. Which of course had led to Stiles bringing doughnuts to Derek to try. (They had been quite the hit, ending up with Derek covered in patches of gooey glaze as he devoured the entire dozen.)
As if Stiles’s thoughts about his father and doughnuts were some sort of siren call, Stiles’s phone went off with a call from the Sheriff’s office.
“Hey, pops! What’s happenin’?” He answered the call with all the false bravado he could muster.
“Stiles, please tell me why I just got a call that someone has stolen the Miller’s kiddie pool from their backyard?” The Sheriff’s voice was tired and resigned.
“Wow, really? Why would someone steal a kiddie pool?” Stiles asked benignly.
“Apparently, according to Mrs. Miller, Jared says it was because someone was bathing a merman in their backyard.” Sheriff Stilinski responded. “You wouldn’t know why anyone would be doing something like that, would you?”
Stiles swallowed. “N...nope! Can’t say that I do! That kid must have quite the imagination, though!”
“Look, the kid said I could borrow it!” Stiles relented.
“Rent it, really. Kid charged me twenty bucks! And it’s not even really big enough to hold a fully grown merman.”
Stiles froze as he realized what he’d said. On the other end of the line there was a pause of silence as well.
“...Stiles, are you telling me you actually have a real live merman in the backyard right now?”
Stiles looked out the window. The kiddie pool and empty pizza boxes sat in the yard, but Derek was nowhere to be seen.
“Stiles,” the sheriff growled.
“Definitely do not have a merman in a kiddie pool, dad. I could send you a picture if you want. But I gotta go. Talk to you later! Love you! Bye!”
Stiles hung up the phone, panic flooding his system. Where the heck was Derek?
A knock at the back door had Stiles jumping out of his skin. He flailed over to the door and pulled back the curtain covering the windows. On the other side stood Derek. Stood? STOOD?
Stiles wrenched open the door to find a fully naked man with legs standing outside his house.
Derek grunted. “No more pizza. I come inside now.”
Stiles’s eyebrows shot to the top of his head.
