#gerichteter

zeke said it would be a good idea to have brunch as a group,  since there was a clear tension between CERTAIN MEMBERS.    sure,   get together, try & set these bonds back in place  /  ironic, how this felt more like splinting a torn off arm  /  setting a broken bone back in it’s skin  /  how vain to mend what is irrevocable  :  &  of course, that man didn’t attend this said union.  [of coooursseeee.]  How foolish  /   how silly  /  how dim you are,   you fell right into his trap.  &now,  you must sit,  mediate the table.  pieck;  ensure annie sits still /  ensure reiner does not poke & prod at such lose threads /  ensure porco or bertholdt does not feed the fire  /   ensure some sense of sanity is held.   ‘  since this is on zeke, order as much as you can.  ’   you try to joke,  you try to sound gleeful, & yet spite is dripping from your lips.      & so,  one by one you sit,   one by one you take a seat   ;   you sit between blondes  / armor & woman /  dividing such a pending doom.   & a boulder now resting on your gut  --  you taste it,  you can feel for the first time a hint of anxiety sprouting from a plot in your ribs  /  organs throbbing with anticipation  /  they might rapture with the slightest threat.   zeke should know this by now,  you can bury all the broken & ugly bones you want,  you can bury the hatchet, but erosion will soon expose it all.  & corrosion will take these bonds, eating  / devouring  /  biting, so famished  -- biting away at rusted & dirty blades / weapons -- they are so bent from war  /  wet too long from blood  /  too damage to fix [but they refuse to toss them away] hmm. 

‘  this will be so fun. ‘  a whisper,  such a flat cadence will hum  /   caught between teeth  /  so wide that smile casts  ;   was that amusement or dread just now?  hm.  annie, she was not the sour note in this melody, no  /  marcel & porco knew this as well.    Oh,   slate stare will sit over pair   ---  how the issue stemmed from reiner and berthold, & their lover's quarrel? again. & again.  how routine.  so shameless,   so outright   /   so crass -- so disgraceful-- [men are truly so trivial.]   & you close your eyes,   cheek resting to hand,  & you listen,     brothers will whisper & men will fumble over short chatter.  how awkward.  [ is there alcohol here.]   ‘ do you all know what you want?  ’

 They  had  been  taught  to  find  something  they  loved  and  use  it  to  ground  them.  Thread  the  rope  of  the  anchor  between  their  fingers  and  follow  it  to  guide  them  back  home.  The  notion  had  been  drummed  into  her  more  than  anyone  when  they  realised  how  long  she  could  maintain  her  form  for,  Pieck  thought  it  was  for  her  own  safety.  Though  the  older  she  grew  the  more  she  realised  how  Marley  couldn’t  lose  another  titan.  How  failure  to  properly  handle  herself  among  the  fleshy  sinews  of  the  beast  would  only  land  her  deep  within  the  pit  of  another  candidate's  stomach.  Luckily,  she  always  had  a  good  hold  of  her  rope,  the  mental  image  of  a  happy  and  healthy  father  holding  her  in  his  arms.  That  was  it.  That  was  her  anchor.  

 But  oh  how  the  anchor  faltered  when  the  last  image  she  had  of  her  father  was  him  withering  away  on  a  bed  she’d  assume  was  his  final  one.  How  the  doctor’s  told  her  to  start  preparing  for  the  worst  before  she  was  ripped  away  from  his  bedside  kicking  and  screaming.  There  is  a  war  going  on,  don’t  you  know  that  pieck?  This  is  what  you  signed  up  for,  you  worthless  Eldian!   Her  fingers  had  dug  so  harshly  into  the  walls  that  bits  of  dry-wall  and  the  blandest  shade  of  paint  had  built  up  underneath  her  nails.  Her  voice  had  grown  hoarse  and  grainy  from  screaming,  cheeks  and  eyes  stinging  as  the  tears  poured  from  them.  That  was  three  months  ago.  No  word  had  been  passed  on  to  her  about  the  status  of  her  father.  Not  only  had  the  rope  been  dropped,  but  she  wasn’t  even  sure  if  the  anchor  was  even  attached. 

 The  lines  started  to  blur  between  what  was  real  and  what  was  her  own  self-made  indulgence  about  a  week  prior.  The  tendrils  of  muscle  that  she  had  grown  so  comforted  by  in  her  cage  of  flesh  had  started  to  consume  her  more  and  more,  day  by  day.  Pieck  was  no  longer  human.  She  sat  in  a  couplet  with  her  father  under  a  tree  by  the  ocean,  the  breeze  in  her  hair  and  the  water  making  her  skin  sticky  from  its  saltiness.  Her  friends  were  around  her,  all  of  them  looked  younger  -  she  looked  younger!  She  was  happy.  Perhaps  this  was  the  anchor  she  needed.  But  it  was  a  delusion  of  her  own  demise,  her  monster’s  teeth  tearing  human  flesh  as  artillery  was  emptied  against  her  skin.  Blood  pouring  down  into  her  throat,  the  monster  licked  her  lips  as  bones  crushed  under  the  weight  of  her  palm.  She  never  noticed  how  nice  the  ocean  smelt,  or  how  the  birds  sounded  different  here.  Something  stung  in  her  side,  like  a  bee  sting  against  flesh  as  another  round  of  metal  lodged  itself  within  her  stomach,  the  sun  burning  bright  and  white  until  it  burnt  her  eyes.  Until  she  took  a  deep  breath  and  she  was  plunging  into  the  ocean. 

"Do not associate me with this."

     it was funny how much more tolerant he was of alcohol since inheriting the jaw. figured it had to do with the whole regeneration aspect of it all. before, porco could drink himself into a state of bliss darkness within a matter of an hour and half a bottle, now though it took a lot more than half a bottle. he would always get there eventually, but the glasses that would clink back down against the bar had near tripled in volume. hangovers weren’t as bad as they used to be, either. still there, but again - no where near as bad. 

     “ no doubt. ”  a solemn sip was taken as the glass was sat back down, all of porco’s attention now more or less focused on bertholdt. he was a spectacle to behold, the way his body had aged since they were just boys. the trauma ridden throughout his bones and scars he was sure now adorned his body could put porco into a head spin should he not be careful about it. galliard had never thought that someone (especially someone that was supposed to be dead) could have such an effect on him. he had thought all those emotions had been cut off at the head the day they returned without him. any hope of... anything destroyed & smeared into the dust. times changed. they changed. emotions & people thought dead would inevitably be very much alive. 

WAR  NEVER  LOOKS  ANY  DIFFERENT,   levi thinks absently as he skirts the edge of the frey after slicing the jaw titan’s facial muscles on the one side.     whether it’s people killing people or titans eating them,  the bloodshed is just a mess for someone else to clean up.

unlike the rest of the scouts,  he hangs back to just ... watch.     his stomach clenches,  teeth pressed white against a few curses building in the back of his throat :    this ... this is  not  what he’d expected to happen.     EREN  isn’t what he’d expected to happen,  damn it all.     civilians had never been part of the bargain,  women  &  children  had never been on the table at all.

he’s many things,  but he’s not a  MURDERER.

levi takes off with a hiss of gas to dispatch the beast titan.     he wants to keep his involvement  minimal,   not simply for the sake of his conscience but also to save his  STRENGTH.     he cannot go on driven by  rage,   according to hange,  otherwise ... he’ll drive himself into the ground.     but rage is what fuels him now,  even if it simmers beneath the surface & it isn’t necessarily directed at  ONE  JAEGER,   but  both.

just as he’s about to take his leave it happens.     pain  EXPLODES  through his left side,  & suddenly his gear isn’t responding to any of his trigger pulls.     levi falters mid—flight,  catching himself with a few puffs of gas before tumbling to the rooftop below,  barely managing to fling zeke’s body out of sight &,   hopefully,   into the waiting hands of another scout.

“  ——TCH.  ”