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DESC: âMaybe he shouldnât have hidden his feelings behind harsh words and accusations,â he thought as he stared at your lifeless body.
PAIRINGS: Tighnari x (GN!) Reader
WARNINGS: hanahaki, throwing up, blood, tighnariâs a dick, dead dove do not eat.
FLORISTâS NOTE:
here it is! finally. also, autosave feature? bless u, tumblr gods.
FLORISTâS NOTEďš02ďš:
uh Fawn here a few months after this was published </3 i'm super flattered you all like this so much; truthfully, i'm very insecure about my ability to write good angst, so it means so much!!
SONG: Secret Garden â Empath-P
YOU OBSERVED WITH DEFEATED EYES as Tighnari, yet again, swaddled your hands in gauze. You tried to take out a Withering Zone by yourself, wanting to help clear his schedule. However, despite having a vision of your own, you werenât very familiar with the process and ended up getting hurt, much to the forest rangerâs dismay.Â
Your throat ran dry as you struggled to find the right words to say without upsetting him more. It was clear he was about to snap at any moment, so you chose to stay silent, despite your anxiety eating away at the stillness.
â(NAME) for the last time, stop biting off more than you can chew,â the fox-eared boy berated, his gaze as bitter as the medicine he brews. âWhat was the point in bothering with something you clearly had no idea how to deal with? were you begging for a death wish?âÂ
You swallowed thickly, your stomach churning as he awaited your response. âMy only intention was to take some of the burdens off your shoulders. . .â You answered feebly.
With an exasperated sigh, he rubbed his temples in frustration. âSo you wanted to help me and ended up doing the exact opposite? Yeah, that sounds about right.Â
â(NAME) this is what? The fifth time youâve gotten yourself hurt trying to âhelp?â Donât you realize youâre only making things harder for the both of us?â Tighnari crossed his arms against his chest, growing more impatient with you by the minute. âAchons, weâre going to run out of medical supplies if you keep getting into situations like these. Canât you learn to take a hint?âÂ
The harsh tone of his voice engulfed you in shame, his words ripping your heart into shreds. âIâI justââ your attempt to defend yourself was met with the burning stare of his multicolored eyes.Â
He chastised, âsave it, (NAME). You give me the same exact excuse every. single. time. Taking care of you like this again is already a migraine as it is.â With that, he packed the medical supplies into his backpack, not sparing you another glance.Â
Tighnari criticizing and reminding you how all you do is pull everyone down had become routine by this point. He never told you directly that burdened everyone, yet he clearly didnât care about hurting your feelings, so you never understood why he didnât just give it to you straight.
He never acted so rashly to the other trainees, so it led you to believe that it was personal. That said, you donât know what you did to make him hate you so much. And to add salt to the wound, you admired Tighnari a lot. Hidden beneath his sarcastic nature, he was diligent and dedicated to his work. You could tell he cared for everyone within the confines of the forest, although you highly doubted that to be your case.Â
As you carefully observed him, you not-so-surprisingly developed feelings for him. You find it hard to believe now, but he treated you gently when you first met him. That memory felt so foreign after all he did was suffocate you with his accusations. Since then, you shoveled your feelings into the very back of your mind.Â
âAre you even listening, (NAME)?â badgered Tighnari, snapping you out of your depressive reverie.Â
Nodding slowly, you chewed the inside of your cheek, feeling your emotions consume you from the inside out. âYâYes, of course, Master. . .âÂ
âReally? Because ever since I got here, youâve done nothing but stare at the ground helplessly.â He shook his head and sighed in defeat, âwhatever. Itâs not like you ever heed my advice anyways.
âCollei and I are going to be gone for a few days on an expedition. You are not to leave Gandhara Ville until I return. Do I make myself clear?â he said, his large ears flicking in aggravation.
That immediately grabbed your attention as your eyes shot open. You deflected, âIâIâm sorry?! Tighnari, I get that youâre mad at me and all, but I am not a child! I donât need supervision!â Your face burned hot with humiliation as tears formed in your eyes.Â
Tighnariâs eyes softened briefly at your defeated expression before returning to their normal venomous state. âThen quit giving me a reason to treat you like one, (NAME). Now, Iâll be taking my leave.â Before you could answer, he left your room, leaving you alone in your misery.Â
After a few minutes of silence, Collei wandered in, her gaze saddening as she regarded your trembling figure. âOh, (NAME). . .â She lamented and sat next to you, gingerly wrapping her arms around you. âIâmâIâm sorry. . . I donât know why heâs been treating you so horribly lately; heâs usually never like this. . .â Muttered the girl as she rubbed circles on your back. âIâll talk to him, o-okay? Please donât cry. . .âÂ
Withdrawing from your friendâs hold, you rubbed away your tears with a forced smile in hopes of comforting her. âDonât worry about me, Collei. IâllâIâll be alright,â you soothed, your weakened voice revealing the truth behind your words.Â
Tighnari peeked his head over the opening, swallowing thickly when he noticed your tear-stained cheeks. âCollei, come with me, would you? I need to have a word with you.â He dictated, averting his regard away from you.
The girl perked up, âyâyes, Master!â She stood up and turned to you, carefully bringing your head to her chest once more. âIâll figure something out, okay? DâDonât worry,â she assured before bidding you goodbye and following Tighnari out.Â
After the two left your line of sight, your throat and chest tightened. Scrambling into the bathroom, you stumbled over, suddenly coughing violently. You wiped the sweat from your temple, sighing in relief when it ceased. âWhat caused that I wonder?â You questioned and fluttered open your eyes. While staring downward at what appeared to be lotus petals, you suddenly felt overwhelming dizzy. Had it gotten that bad?
Your hands clutched your chest as bile burned your esophagus. You weakly shoved yourself up and flushed the toilet. You knew that hanahaki was life-threatening if not treated immediately. However, confessing seemed impossible given the circumstances of your relationship and who youâre in love with. Your other option was to have it surgically removed, but that also meant removing your capability to feel emotions. Nevertheless, you wanted to be a forest ranger like Tighnari and help people, so youâd much rather die of the flower that bloomed in your chest than be an empty husk and not feel anything.Â
Laying on your bed, you watched Tighnari and Collei converseâprobably about your probation if you were to be completely honest. You let out a meek laugh and closed your eyes, allowing your body and mind some well-deserved rest.
âMaybe if this disease takes me, I wonât burden him anymore. . .â
The following morning was horrible. Following your wake-up, you had to race to the bathroom to throw up again; your lungs and chest burned from how fierce the fits were. Making matters worse, you got far from enough sleep because of the feeling of lotuses climbing your throat.
â(NAME)? Itâs Collei! I just wanted to check on you before Master and I head out!â
Your eyes flew open at your friendâs voice. Shit. She wouldnât take this well at all. Quickly flushing the toilet, you grabbed a towel and patted your face dry, hoping your tiredness wasnât evident.Â
â(NAME)? Areâare you alright?â She worried and walked into your bedroom. Her expression dimmed upon taking in your condition. âYou look so tired! Did you not get enough sleep?â Fuck.
You compelled a weak smile, âIâIâm fine! Donât worry about me, Iâm just a littleââ Your sentence stopped midway as you covered your mouth, hacking up more bloodied petals. Your hanahaki did not seem to appreciate you lying about your feelings for the sake of others.Â
Collei paled immensely, her hand going to mimic your own. â(NAME). . . Youâyouâre. . .â Tears welled in her rose-colored eyes as she watched you recover. âWe have to tellââ
âNO!â you interjected sharply. Sighing, you let out a quiet apology. âIâIâm sorry. . . I didnât mean to yell like that. I just. . . please donât tell Tighnari.â You muttered, voice enfeebled from your lack of sleep.
âBâBut, (NAME). . . If y-you donât get help. . .âÂ
âI know. But I donât think I can take any more of his disdains. especially when heâsââ You, or rather the hanahaki, cut you off as more petals emerged from your throat and onto your shaking hands. Â
Seeing the connection, her eyes softened. She lamented, âoh, (NAME). . . You like him, donât you?â Her arms circled around you, âplease, IâI donât want to lose you. I promise Iâll talk him into apologizing! You donât deserve this. . .â
Shaking your head, you gently patted the girlâs hair, her heartfelt words shattering your heart furthermore. âCollei, IâIâm not sure I can promise anything at this rate. . .â You imparted. âIâm not sure if Tighnari is someone you can reason with, as well. . .âÂ
âCollei? Itâs time to go,â Tighnari announced from outside. Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. . .
The green-haired girl pulled away from you, looking at your (COLOR) eyes with her own pleading ones. âEverything will be alright, okay? I promise. . .â She sniffled.
You nodded despite your views contradicting hers. Watching her leave, your gaze, hopeless and cold, flickered to Tighnari. You couldnât help but wonder what occupied his mind; has he even thought of you and how you felt once? Probably not.Â
The fox-eared ranger caught a glimpse of your eyes and shivered; thatâs right, shivered. The way they looked so dull put a pit in his stomach, and he couldnât tell why at the time. He looked at his student curiously, âwhat were you two talking about?â
Collei sighed, âi-it was nothing, Master. . .âÂ
The realization that you didnât have much time left dawned on you as you gazed in the mirror. Your once bright and lively eyes were now dulled and impassive, almost as if youâd already gotten the surgery. You heeded Tighnariâs words, staying locked inside your hut and not bothering anybody. After all, thatâs what he wanted, right?
Your condition worsened faster than you initially hoped. Every day and night, you retched at least five blood-covered lotuses, leaving you more weakened than the last. You couldnât even estimate how much blood you had lost by now. With each passing second, your life slipped from your fingers like grains of sand. It seemed to tease you with the thought of death, never actually finishing you offâuntil now. In most cases, people have at least a few weeks to make the choice; you, unfortunately, did not with how fast your feelings developed.Â
Reaching up, you wiped the blood from your lips, leaving a metallic taste in your mouth. Normally you would be grossed out by it, but it was almost comforting by now because it signaled you didnât have to endure this pain much longer.
You staggered to your desk and pulled out a few things: an envelope, a piece of paper, and a quill. Your fingers trembled as you dipped the feather in ink and scrawled the name âTighnariâ on the envelope. Heâd admonish you for the handwriting, but when youâre on deathâs doorstep, you canât really expect perfect writing, can you?
With an unstable breath, you began composing the letter with all the energy you could gather.
âDear, Master Tighnari. . .â
Tighnari took a deep breath as the faint outline of Gandhara Ville came into his field of vision. Ever since had and Collei finished the expedition, this dreadful feeling like something horrible happened stuck to him like a leech. And no matter what he did, it continued to suck the energy out of him. In retrospect, heâs had this feeling since he left. Worse part about it? He couldnât figure out why; itâs like he could sense an anomaly but couldnât see it.Â
Collei quickly picked on her teacherâs anxiety and flashed a smile, hoping to comfort him. âMâMaster, Iâm sure everything will be fine! You know how nice (NAME) is! IâmâIâm sure theyâll forgive you! theyâre normally so sweet no matter the circumstances!â She encouraged, though, deep within her mind, she was scared herself. She knew how much his words impacted you.
Tighnari dragged out a sigh, his fingers going through his dark hair. âThatâs. . . Thatâs the problem, Collei. I. . . I treated them so fucking awful, and all they did was sit there and take it they didnât dare speak up,â he seethed, wincing as he recalled the look in your eyes before they departed. âArchons, who knows if theyâll find it in their heart to even forgive me? I treated them like a toddler when I really meant to protect them. God, my delivery was fucking horrid, wasnât it? I really messed this up.â He looked at Collei with defeated eyes, âThatâs what you were talking to them about, wasnât it? How vile I treated them. Thatâs why they were crying the other day.â Â
The trainee harshly bit her lip, knowing thatâs exactly what happened. She knew that he treated you like a weed in a garden full of lotuses when in reality, you were the flowers themself. And now, with your hanahaki, Celestia knows how much pain you must be inâboth physically and emotionally.Â
Only then did she remember that you had gotten hanahaki the day they left, and her heart sank. She swallowed hard, feeling her heart weigh heavy in her chest as it pounded against her ribcage. âUm, MâMaster Tighnari. . .â she quavered.
He glanced her way, the pit in his stomach swallowing him whole when he regarded how horrified she appeared to be. âHm? Whatâs the matter, Collei?â Inquired the boy, his ears flickering in nervous anticipation. Oh god, did something actually happen to you?Â
âIâI normally wouldnât ask of you something like this, but please, when we get back, g-go check on them? Theyâre. . . theyâre not well. . . â She uttered aside, her voice wobbling as if she was on the brink of tears.
Her words confirmed Tighnariâs initial thoughts; there was something wrong. âCollei. . . what happened?â he spoke curtly. Hearing no answer, his chest tightened, and he could hear his breathing pick up. âCollei. Tell me now. I need to know if theyâre in danger.â His voice rattled as he communicated, his anxiety clawing at his every thought.Â
Colleiâs shoulders shook with small sobs, â(NAME). . . Theyâthey have Hanahaki. They didnât want me to tell you because t-they hic knew youâd yell at them in some sort of way. . . A-and theyâve had it for a few days now andââ
ââCollei, I need you to be honest with me. Does (NAME) have romantic feelings for me?â
Glancing up at her teacher with a pitiful expression, she wiped her eyes with her sleeves. âYes, Master, tâthey do. . . I believe they have for a while,â she sniveled.
âFuck.â He muttered and sprinted towards the ville, leaving poor Collei behind. However, at that time, I donât think she minded; she recognized that he needed to find you as soon as possibleâto save you.Â
Pushing past everyone in the village, he shoved himself inside your hut. â(N-NAME)?! Areâare you here? Weâwe need to talk!â He called out, his voice breaking from breathing so heavily. â(NAME). . .?â
âShit, shit! (NAME), whereâwhere did you go now. . .â fretted Tighnari, his mind racing with every outcome possible. His eyes caught onto a wax-sealed envelope that sat neatly on your dresser. He picked it up and felt an overwhelming sense of dread wash over him as he stared at it. âItâs addressed to me. . .â
â Dear Master Tighnari,Â
As much as it hurts to me say this, but by the time youâve finished reading this, Iâll have passed away. I donât quite know what to put in this letter. . . Even as Iâm writing this, my mind is blanking. I feel like thereâs so much I have to say, but unfortunately, I donât have much time before this disease takes its final toll on me.
Iâm sure Colleiâs told you by now of my hanahaki. I donât blame her; the poor girl looked like she would pass out when she found me puking flowers. I know what youâre thinking, â(NAME), you lummox. So youâd rather just sit and watch yourself die than confess?â Well, Tighnari, would YOU confess to someone whoâs admitted youâre nothing but a thorn in their side? If you havenât figured it out by now, itâs you who Iâm in love with. Have been for a while now.Â
I must apologize for plaguing both you and everyone in Gandhara Ville. That was never my intention; I only wanted to repay the kindness everyone gave me, no matter if it cost my life or not. But, unfortunately, as you said, I ended up doing the entire opposite. And for that, I sincerely apologize. I wish I could take it all back.Â
I hope you know that despite everything, I donât harbor any negative feelings toward you. And maybe, in a different reality, things wouldnât have turned out like this.Â
Did you know that Iâve admired you from day one? And Iâll continue to do so in the afterlife. Youâre genuinely incredible in my eyes; youâre diligent and passionate, everything I wished I was. Youâre incredibly dedicated to the forest, which is admirable. And I supposed thatâs why I fell so incredibly hard for you. Maybe you knew I loved you; maybe you didnât. Itâs all meaningless now that I lay on my deathbed made out of my own flowers. Itâs strangely comforting, even though Iâve lived far from a fulfilling life.Â
I honestly didnât think my feelings had gotten this bad; I thought I had successfully pushed them away for the greater good. But, with how fast the hanahaki materialized, it seems I unestimated myself. That proves just how much I truly adored you. Never doubt your capabilities, alright? Youâre truly unique, Tighnari.
This is where we part, my dear fox friend. My strength is running out, and so is the ink. Once more, Iâm truly sorry for all the pain Iâve caused; I hope you can find it in you to forgive me. Please take care of Collei for me? Tell her Iâm sorry I couldnât make it; Celestia knows I tried to push through for her.
I love you, Tighnari. My love will continue to bloom for you in the form of lotus flowers. So, whenever you see one, I hope you think of me and how much I admired you. (:Â
The words blurred together as tears muddied Tighnariâs vision. Every written word cut deeper and deeper, but he forced himself to read it all. At first, he thought it was staged or a joke of some sort, and a part of him wished it was, but he could recognize your handwriting from a mile away. âNo, no. . . this cannot be happening. . . They canât beââ he thought to himself as he pocketed the note. He seethed, âFUCK! Where could they have gone?!â He pulled his hair stressfully as he wracked his brain for answers.
âMy love will continue to bloom for you in the form of lotus flowers.â
His eyes snapped open when it clickedâthe river not too far from here was known for the lotuses that bloomed in it. You couldnât have gone far either, not in your condition, at least.Â
Tighnari hurriedly sped out of the ville, ignoring everyoneâs worried stares. âPlease donât be too late please be alive.â He prayed silently. He halted and surveyed the familiar spot, spotting a figure lying near the riverâs shallows. he uttered, â(NâNAME). . .?â
Stumbling over, his pretty eyes drowned in tears the second he laid eyes on you. You were sprawled out, bloodied flowers sticking to your lifeless body. Blood smeared on your lips and fingers, and thank the Archons, your eyes were closed, or else Tighnari wouldâve gone into cardiac arrest from crying so hard.
He collapsed at your side, cradling your face in his hands; the warmth of his palms contrasted with the chill of your skin. Shaking his head in denial, he thumbed at your face hoping to find some kind of reaction that proved you were still alive. âNo, no, NO! Come on, (NAME)! Wâwake up! You c-canât. . .â He hiccuped.Â
Tighnari gathered you in his arms, concealing his face in the crook of your neck to hide how hard he sobbed. âI. . . Iâm so sorry, flower. TâThis is all my fault. . . I-If I wouldâve just told you how I felt instead of being a moron, then none of this wouldâve happenedâyou wouldnât have. . .â A sob strangled his throat and cut off his words.
âIâI thought I was protecting you from yourself. . . B-but I somehow did the exact opposite. I was the cause of your pain, and because of how shitty I treated you, you feared telling me how you felt. I. . . Iâm so sorry, (NAME). Y-you didnât deserve to go through so much pain alone.â Â
âMaster, I heardâo-oh my god.âÂ
Colleiâs eyes rounded in horror, her figure starting to tremble as the situation settled in her head. â(N-NAME). . .â she croaked and dropped next to Tighnari, her hands shakily finding yours. Like her mentor, she was quick to shake her head in denial. âNâno. . . They canât be. . . Howâhow did itââ bewailed the girl as her hand squeezed your fragile one. She turned to Tighnari, who looked to be on the verge of passing out from crying so hard. âMâMaster, theyâre. . . theyâre not, r-right? They canât be. . .â
The ranger shakily pulled out the letter and handed it to her, watching as the girl sobbed harder at its contents. âTâThey found comfort in their death because of how much pain they were in. . .â He murmured weakly. As he pressed a kiss to your hair, he noticed that your fingers grasped something. Â
Tighnari gingerly grabbed your hand and unraveled your fingers from what you held. A singular clean lotus. He smiled, weak and faint, plucking the lotus from your grip and tucking it in his hairâa memento of your love for him and his love for you.Â
âMy love for you will continue to blossom in life and in death. . . Nâno matter where you are, you will be the first and last my heart is occupied with. Thereâs no room left for anyone else, flower. . . There never was in the beginning.
âI will look at each and every flower and think of how selfless and caring you were. Your love and dedication will continue to burn bright in Gandhara Ville. I will make sure of it. . .âÂ