#genericxloveshit

Nari was the only single thought that kept repeating in his mind. He had heard the news through a game of whisper down the lane. He’d been on a business run for Nobu, collecting information for him and it was on his return did he hear what had happened. He did not think to contact Nobu and see if he knew. He must have. Nari was his twin.  Whatever Nobu had him doing would wait now as the dog would hurry to where he should be. Where he should have been when it happened. By Nari’s side. While Shiro was loyal to both twins, more of his time was spent by Nari’s side.  It wasn’t easy to get to his room, simply because no one was allowed near it. Except possibly for Nobu and whomever was with him, but Shiro was alone and he would have to find his own way to Nari’s room. Though it was not difficult for someone who would sneak around for a living. Nari, Nari, Nari. The name continued to repeat its cycle throughout his mind until he saw him. Until he was able to touch him and know for sure he was okay.  Not exactly ideal for someone who was recovering from a gunshot wound, but Shiro did not care. After all no one else was in the room to stop him from climbing into the hospital bed the twin laid in and no one could stop him from reaching out with shaky hands to touch his face, brushing his fingers in his typical greeting when he met with the other. He’d never seen him this way and it was terrifying for Shiro to look at, because Nari was not supposed to be hurt. Neither twin should be hurt. Rough fingers brushed along the others face and jaw, before Shiro would suddenly press his head to Nari’s chest as though to feel each breath he took in reassurance he was still alive.

He had never lashed out so aggressively towards Raiden before. He would normally keep himself quiet, a sad look on his face, and hope they both could forget it and pretend to have a happy normal relationship for a little bit until the cycle repeated. Today was different and he regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, because he didn’t talk like that. It wasn’t like him to be so angry with his Master. Despite all the anger he felt and the anger Raiden was currently feeling, he never expected him to put his hands on him the way he did. For Raiden to grab and tug on his hair the way he did, shocked the Kami and he stopped any and all thought process. Raiden was mad. He had every right to be mad at him. Ren made a mistake. He shouldn’t have yelled at him he should have stayed quiet, but he was upset. He wanted Raiden to understand but he wasn’t sure if he even understood what was going on anymore. He didn’t know how he felt, which was partially a lie. He felt he would always love Raiden, but now he was also mad and frustrated with his master? He did not know how to properly convey his feelings and only managed to push him further away with the spill of emotions. ”You did! You said it to me! You told me you loved me! Was that a lie?!” The fact he had asked who said he loved him hurt, because Raiden himself had told him. Was it a lie? It shouldn’t be a surprise if it was. His Master made it very clear how he felt and more often than not, he did not like his Kami as much as his Kami liked him. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, his hair was given another sharp tug and he would cry out. Not because of pain, but from the sudden fear he felt seeing his Master so angry with him. There was so much anger in both his actions and words. Anger directed specifically toward him, something he was not accustomed to. “I am real! I’m here! It makes me real,” he shouted in reply, his voice close to tears. “If it’s true why do you keep me here?! You could give me back! But you don’t! And you know why! Because you can’t handle the idea of me going elsewhere as much as I can’t! You care! Stop saying you don’t!” His voice was yelling now, shaking with fear, but still upset and trying to understand. “You keep blaming me and it’s not fair! It’s not fair Raiden! I don’t understand!” He didn’t understand why Raiden was so angry He didn’t understand how much Raiden wanted away from his family and he did not understand that he was the reason Raiden was looped back into family affairs he did not want to be a part of.

          While Shiro was friendly with both of the twins, it was obvious who he favored over the other. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t hang around Nobu. Though his only reason for doing so was because Nari was busy and he had no tasks from either of the brother’s. Quietly sneaking up from behind he reached his hands forward, tapping his usual greeting onto the side of his face instead of his palm, since he seemed a little preoccupied. He’d then place lunch in front of the other because Shiro decided that he needed a break anyway.

          “Um..” How he’d manage to sneak away when China was napping, he wouldn’t know, but it gave him a chance to try and impress the other. After shifting from a wolf, the albino was limping a little, but otherwise alright. He had injured his leg less from hunting and more just dragging the game back to China. Nervous fidgeting ensued and he carefully moved closer to the other. “Um. I went hunting,” he began with a little voice, head nodding in the direction of the young deer he had successfully managed to kill and bring back. “I think I did better, um, I mean, if you think so.”

          Ren had no idea what he was doing here or why Moto was forcing him to talk to this person. He wanted to think he was acting strange, but Moto always seemed to be hiding a  secret so it wasn’t given much thought. He just wanted to work in the garden and now he was here, uncomfortable and looking for a reason to leave. “I’m not sure why Moto has me here.” he would admit. He tucked his hair nervously behind his ear, keeping his focus down instead of on the other. He could not explain the nervous flutter in his stomach. He felt a little scared but unsure exactly why.            “..I should tend to the garden,” he mumbled quietly.

          It was the one thing he refused to let go of. The cellphone that Raiden had given him was constantly by his side and he refused to give it up. Even if the calls were like clockwork, he feared missing one. Even now there was silence despite the fact the other was there. “You never say much,” he spoke quietly. Then again he didn’t care. He was fine with just hearing his breathing on the other line if it meant Raiden was there. “I miss you.” How many times has he said it by now? It was more than enough, but he felt the need to reiterate the fact. 

This was where the Kami would spend most of his days now. Since the beginning, he would take comfort in this little section of the garden. The one spot that would be a constant reminder. Those flowers that matched the color of his hair, the ones he picked out, Ren took care of them. Along with the rest of the garden, but this was his special spot. This was where he could go and feel maybe a bit more at ease than he would with the other people.  “It’s been a long time.”  He took a habit of talking to the plants he took care of. He heard it helped them grow. It also helped manage the constant heavy weight on his chest as well. Lately he had been working on the garden on his own, maybe because he’d prefer it. Or because they were all getting older. Olive was older. The voice on the phone, he was older. Ren had gotten older, but he looked the same. The Kami was quiet though. What used to be bright and bubbly, had dulled down. “I miss him,” he started to say as he tended to the flowers in front of him, pushing back the sunhat a little with his arm. “But you already know you remind me of him,” he continued, carefully pulling away the weeds. “So when he comes back, he can be proud of what I’ve grown. So I have something to show for in the time we were apart.” The Kami tilted his head slightly. It wasn’t as if he had not heard from him. He spoke to him on the phone plenty of times and over the years he could hear the change in his voice.  “I wonder what he looks like, sometimes, because his voice is different. He sounds older.” Had it really been that long? The ache in his chest would grow at the thought and he frowned. He promised to be happy and he was trying his best. Ren would rest his hands on his lap, a sad look to his face. “It’s okay that it’s forever.” He seemed to tell himself this frequently and maybe it was because it helped him. “He said it was better for us. I trust him with that.” It had taken awhile for the Kami to break from his shell of depression when he had first left. He had spent days, wanting nothing other than to curl up in a ball and hide, because he couldn’t bare facing the day without him. He wouldn’t speak with anyone and avoided even Olive who he was close to. Things were easier now. Not better, but easier to manage. He spoke out more, he went outside more often, and he tried not to lock himself away again. “It’s okay it’s been so long,” he added as he took hold of the watering can beside him. “Because he promised he would come back and I believe him. He wouldn’t break his promise. So I will be good and I will try to be happy and wait.”  It was easier to talk to plants than it was to someone else. Maybe because they didn’t try to comfort his sadness in anything more than offering their presence. Which right and since then, was all he really wanted.