#generationsseries

 ONE YEAR LATER

“Bye, sweetcheeks,” Jared grimaced as he left his daughter with a nanny for the ten-thousanth time.

“No go!” YN cried.  “Where Mommy?” The young girl still didn’t understand. 

“The nanny will take care of you.  Mommy isn’t here right now.” He kissed her lightly.  “I have to go to work with Uncle Jensen.  I’ll be back in four days.” 

“No!” YN wailed. 

“We’ll be fine, Mr. Padalecki,” the nanny smiled.  “I promise.” 

“Okay.  Call me if she-” 

“Needs anything. I understand, Mr. Pads.” She nodded. 

The next day, Jared was fretting.  

“I hope she is doing okay,” he paced in the apartment he and Jensen shared.  

“You haven’t gotten a call from the nanny.  No news is good news when it comes to toddlers.  Trust me.” 

“You don’t have kids!” Jared huffed. 

“No, but I have nieces and nephews,” the other man shrugged. 

“I guess you’re right.” Jared sighed.  “She just turned four and being away from her while we are still grieving is not ideal.” 

“So bring her up next time.  She has a passport.” Jensen suggested.  

“Maybe…  I miss her so much, Jensen.” 

“It’s only a few days, dude.  I miss the munchkin too,” he tried to assuage his friend. 

“No.I mean Sarah.” Jared sat down on the couch after pacing the room.  Putting his head in his hands, the dad let out a breath.  Jensen switched gears and softened.  He walked over to his friend and ruffled Jared’s hair.  “Stop it,” he swatted Jensen’s hand away in playful annoyance.  “I’m going to bed.” Jared stood but Jensen gently put him back down. 

“No.  We’re having a living room sleepover.  Your sleep has been shit lately, and I am not going to let you be alone with your thoughts.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“No, you’re not.  And that’s fine.  But I will not let your brain take you through the tangles of that day. Now, relax and turn on a crap movie. I’m getting popcorn and pillows.” 

The friends talked and laughed at the movie until they both fell asleep on their assigned couches.  The next day, Jared was more himself. Both he and Jared were thankful for that.  Jared knew he couldn’t raise her on his own.  He needed his strong circle of friends for himself AND his kid.  Over the next few years,  Jared’s immediate heartache for Sarah decreased, although he still thought about the fond memories they had.  

“Unca Jensen?” Six-year old YN walked into the kitchen just having put on her pajamas.  

“What, baby?” He looked down at the little girl with a smile.  

“Can you tell me about my mommy?” YN offered her saddest puppy dog eyes.

“You missing her tonight?” He put the dishes back in the sink and laid the towel down on the counter.  Jensen scooped her up suddenly, making her giggle.  

“Did she like me?” 

Jensen took the girl into the living room and sat with her on the couch.  

“Oh, sweetheart.  She LOVED you.  More than you could imagine.”

“As much as the whole wide world?” YN searched her uncle’s face. 

“Even more than that.” The man grinned as he whispered his answer.  Snuggling her tightly, he let her adjust on his lap.  “She was kind, funny, she knew how to make you laugh even when you were throwing a tantrum and crying. Her heart was as big as yours.  Your mom loved you and your dad so much,” he trailed off, missing his friend. 

“Did Mommy love you too?” 

Jensen chuckled.  

“We were very good friends.  I loved her so much, and I miss her.” 

“It’s going to be okay, Jensen,” she looked back up at him and stroked his face soothingly with her small hand.  The gesture tickled his five o’clock shadow, but he resisted the temptation to move away from the feeling.  

“You think it will be okay?” He smiled just a smidge. 

“You’re strong. So is me and Daddy.  We’ll be okay.” 

“We will be,” he stroked her hair absent-mindedly.  The next time he looked down at her, she was breathing evenly on his chest with her eyes closed.  While watching youtube videos with closed captions as not to wake her, Jared returned from dinner with friends.  

“Hey,” Jared whispered.  “Brought you leftovers.” He set the bag of food on a side table and walked toward the pair on the couch.  Jared reached for his daughter, but Jensen shook his head. 

“I’ll put her down.” He smiled with pride.  “I got it.” The man came back ten minutes later.  “She fussed for a second, but she is asleep now. “ Jensen looked for approval from his friend.  

“She has a hard time relaxing,” Jared responded.  “YNN would fall asleep so easily with Sarah, but not with me.  She could get that girl to do anything.” The leftover food was pulled out for Jensen, and Jared put the dessert he purchased in the refrigerator.  

Jensen consoled his friend and told him about the conversation he had with YN before bed.  

“That’s so sweet. YN has those questions sometimes.  I don’t know how to handle it sometimes.  Sometimes it’s screaming and then another it’s tears.  You got the best outcome of just a few questions,” Jared laughed.  

“You’re doing fine.  She’s five and doesn’t understand.” Jensen took too big of a bite of his steak and dropped half of his fork-full onto his shirt, stain growing larger by the moment.  “Ugh.” He rolled his eyes. Jared laughed. 

Going back to the conversation, he said, “Six, and I’m trying, man.  I’m trying. YN is starting school in a few months.  How am I supposed to handle homework, her friends, the classmate moms? Can I handle communication with a teacher when I’m in Van?” 

“Woah,” Jensen put a hand up.  “Yes, first of all, you can.” He wiped his shirt with a napkin.  “Second, you won’t be alone.  Besides, maybe she can go to school in BC.  You will figure it out.” 

“You keep saying that, Jensen.  Stop saying it! I won’t!” 

“Oh, that’s crap.  I’m saying it because it’s true.  It’s been a few years and every time you’ve done it, whatever it is that needs to be done.  There is no roadmap for this shit.”

“Why are you so incessant?” Jared sighed, giving into his friend’s logic. 

“What’s my job?”

“Huh?” 

“What’s my job? As your big brother, what is my job?” 

“Ackles…” Jared rolled his eyes, thinking that line was stupid.  

“Well?” Jensen waited expectantly. 

“To protect me,” he huffed with a smile at the show’s inside joke.  “But you don’t have to.  I’m not a baby.” 

“No, you’re not.  But you are my brother, and as an older brother, or close to it, it is my job to take care of you when you feel like you’re not doing a good job.  Because you are.  She has the most amazing dad.  There are so many ways this could have played out.  You could have climbed into bed and not ever left your room, you could have checked out and poured yourself into work- but you didn’t.  You come home with your puppy personality and it’s all about YN.  You’re doing fine.  Excelling, actually.” 

“You don’t mean that.” Jared looked anywhere but Jensen’s face.

“Do I ever say stuff I don’t mean sincerely?” 

“I guess not.” Jared ran a hand through his hair.  

“You have had a fun evening, but I think it’s time for bed.” Jensen grinned, playfully admonishing his friend. 

“How old am I? It’s ten pm.” He laughed. 

“Exactly.  And your kid has dance at eight tomorrow morning in case you forgot.  Go, chillax. I’ll clean up here and head out.  Go,” he shooed his friend.  “When I get back from throwing this plate away, you better be gone and upstairs.  I’ll lock up behind me.” He stood and cleaned up the coffee table in front of him.  When Jared didn’t move, Jensen glared at the man.  “I’m serious, man.  Don’t get lost in your head.  Go to bed.” 

“Yeah, right,” Jared snapped out of his daydreaming spell.  He grunted and he stood to his feet and headed toward the stairs.  “Thanks, bud.” 

“Yep, sleep good, ya lug.”

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