[WP] A young farmer leaves home to sign up as another faceless soldier in the Evil Overlord's army. The farmer's adventures on the way make the Overlord very worried.
Original post here.
The Overlord wasn't particularly fond of these sorts of things. For all the evil he'd done in the world, it seemed somehow wrong. In a deeply uncomfortable way, not the usual laughably absurd way.
He sank down in his chair as his generals shifted nervously and looked down at their notes. He could hear every sizzle of lava in the pool behind him. He sat bolt upright in his chair when the door opened, barely catching the skull goblet he disrupted.
The person of the hour walked through with two demons pulling treasure chests behind her. "Overlord," she called, "My mission was a success." Her eyes gleamed as she opened up the chests to reveal gold and jewels in one, the other a dead body.
The Overlord cleared his throat and looked at his generals. Then, he boomed as softly as he could, "Maria, please take a seat." He gestured to an open seat at the very end on the long table. She blinked, then sat down, her feet not quite touching the floor. "Please close the doors on your way out," he told the demons as he waved at them to leave.
"Am I in trouble?" She was already starting to look upset, so the Overlord waved his hand.
"No, you're not in trouble," he paused and looked down at his notes, clearing his throat, "Maria, over the last several months, you have been a joy to our armies here. Some of your recent behavior has made us all concerned. We are all your friends and just want the best for you, so we gathered here today with the help of Dr. Chaos," here he nodded to the therapist on his left. "We have come up with a plan to get you help and consequences if you refuse them."
Maria started to protest, but the Overlord cut her off, "Maria, you have pillaged and burned down several villages."
She frowned, "They raised armies against us."
"You single-handedly drown a nest of dragon hatchlings. You fed their meat to their own mother."
She shook her head emphatically, "Their parents were part of the resistance! They wiped out a whole town of dark elves!"
"You enslaved an entire species of pixies."
She started again, "They were useful!"
"Then, eradicated them when they no longer proved useful, causing them to go extinct."
She went quiet and looked at her hands. The Overlord clasped his own together in front of him, leaning forward. "You have made me very proud, Maria, but also very concerned. Where are your parents?"
She kicked her feet and replied glumly, "Resistance killed them. Siblings, too."
The Overlord nodded slowly. "We thought something like that might have happened," he shouted as gently as possible.
"Please don't kick me out! I can do better!" She was starting to cry.
The Overlord looked to Dr. Chaos and his generals for strength and took a deep breath, "Maria, you won't be allowed on any more missions."
She covered her face and croaked, "Why?"
"Maria, you're twelve. You need to be in school!" He hadn't meant to shout loudly enough to cause the lava to flare up, and winced.
Maria looked up defiantly, "You're racist! I'm a gnome!"
The Overlord shook his head, "That may have worked before you hit your growth spurt, but we need you to be honest."
She sniffed and rubbed at her face, "Sorry I lied. The officers wouldn't let me help otherwise."
The Overlord sighed and General Diana handed Maria a handkerchief. "It's not so bad, Maria," Diana menaced as kindly as she was capable of.
"What's not bad about it?" She grumbled into the lacy rag, rubbing at her face.
"Well," The Overlord started, "I've been having trouble producing an heir. General Michael and I are very busy adults often leading armies in different places. We can't ever agree on which woman would be the best to be blessed by our choosing." The Overlord took his partner's hand in a rare display of public affection.
General Harold gasped and grabbed General Ted by the shoulder, hissing, "I told you so!"
The Overlord gave him a dirty look while several of the older generals tried not to cackle.
General Michael nodded, ignoring the interruption, "We decided an heir just needs to carry on the legacy we started when we overthrew the empire. We both finally came to an agreement. Maria, would you give us the honor of being our daughter?"
Maria blinked, looking at all the adults in the room, then hauled herself onto the table and ran across it, giving them both a big hug. Though, mindful of the spikes on their armor. "Yes!" She jumped back and jumped up and down on the table.
She paused, "But I can still go on missions, right?"
The Overlord started to protest, but General Michael began before him, "If you do well in school, we'll discuss it."
A few days later, the generals threw the new family an adoption party.
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