nine
“Trey?” he spoke from behind me. The touch to my shoulder prompted my eyes to squeeze shut. “Talk to me, what's up?”
“We gotta kill him,” is what I said, and I stole a glance at my daughter sleeping in my arms. She was the only thing keeping me from bolting from this place with a vengeance. Things had to be done differently now; she depended on me and every decision would affect her. J only stared at me as I passed him my phone. “Axel, he knows this place. He… he grew up here.”
“What?” His brows creased in shock, his swollen eye squinted further. “There's no way -”
“I shared my location with him and that was his reaction,” I cut him off. I looked around for something to use, and I praised God when I found a brand new car seat for Nyla. I carefully sat her down, fastened her strap, and laid a blanket on top of her to protect her from the outside weather. She was extremely small to begin with, but putting her in this seat seemed to make her shrink. But why was she small? She was full term. “We gotta go.”
“Trey, are you sure?” He stayed where he was, not even bothering to help me pack her things. “This has to be a misunderstanding. He can't possibly be -”
I shot him a look. “All I know is he could know where Cameron is, and we need to find her.” I had to suffer through the pain in my ribcage, and tucking my arm close to me only did so much, but I managed to lift the small bag and her car seat. I headed for the door, but didn't hear his footsteps following me. “J, come on.”
“What if you're wrong?” My phone remained in his hand, and the screen lit up yet again. This time he read it, and his lips pressed into a line. I assumed it was another text from Axel. “If you go and do something stupid and you end up bein’ wrong, then what? You really wanna be responsible for his death? Can you really live with that?”
I shrugged, dismissing him. “Shit ain't gonna be the same no matter what happens! What difference does it make?”
“The difference is you have someone to live for now!” He was fuming, face flushed red. Body tensed in both pain and disappointment towards me. “That little girl needs her father in her life, man. If you get caught for murdering him, you gonna go away for life. Is that what you want for her?”
Was it? Could I live with being incarcerated, away from my little girl? Could I live with her mother finding another man to replace me and watch him be her father figure? Teach her things she needs to know, act a damn fool when her name is called at graduation, walk her down the aisle for her wedding? Of course not, but what choice did I have? This man was messing with my family.
My silence unsettled him. “I'm not letting either of you out that door until you stand here and be a fuckin’ man. Stop thinking like a damn child, Tremaine.” He stepped forward, and I brought my gaze to meet his. “I remember how excited you were when Cam told you she was pregnant. You were even more excited when you found out she was giving you a daughter. I know that you're not gonna ever let her out of your sight if you have any say. And I know you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you end up getting locked up.”
“But he…” My nose was running, and my lashes felt damp.
“Talk to him, then we’ll go from there. Promise me.” He wanted to smile when I nodded, but part of him knew I wasn't being totally truthful. There was no telling what I would do upon seeing Axel. There were a lot of things jumbled in my mind, and all the things I pictured doing to him didn't end in anyone’s favor. J shrugged and sighed, defeated. “Let's go.”
He left me to carry Nyla and bring her out to the car left in the driveway. He also had no interest in driving, or even speaking to me for the duration of the drive to where Axel was - which was nearly on the other side of town. The more I sat still, the more anxious I became and the more my body began to resonate that it was badly injured. My side had a pulsing throb, and my eye felt like it had its own heartbeat. My lip was completely numb, and I tasted blood every time I tried to moisten it. It J was in pain, he barely let it show. The swelling in his face was just as bad, if not worse, than mine, and my heart sank at the thought of him being dragged into my mess. Throughout our entire friendship, J never had any trouble with anybody. He was a homebody, kept to himself. If it wasn't me or his family, he wanted nothing to do with it. He was shy, yet confident, level headed more than anything. And fatherhood didn't bring that on; he’d always been like that. We were complete opposites.
There was no way to make it up to him, to both apologize and thank him for being there for me through everything. No amount of money, no gift would ever explain what his brotherhood and loyalty meant to me. And I would make sure Nyla knew he was responsible for her making it out of this situation. He was her godfather, after all.
Axel’s location sent through his text led us to an abandoned parking lot. The building itself had long been demolished, and there wasn't even a foundation left in its place. The asphalt was riddled with weeds upon weeds, cracks and the worst potholes anyone could ever see. The single car was stranded in the middle of it all, and I slowly crept the car up behind it.
I felt his eyes on me as I gripped the steering wheel to the point where my knuckles turned pale. I gnawed on my lip, the rush of anger bringing beads of sweat to my forehead. I'm not going to lie, seeing him angered me all over again as if the entire conversation with Jermaine never happened. There were two voices in my head: one prompted me to remain calm and hear him out - maybe there was in fact an explanation as to why my newborn daughter was found at the house where he grew up; the other voice told me to fuck all that and just strangle him until his eyes popped out of his sockets, or to smash his head into the pavement until his brain spilled out of his skull. And I'll admit that the latter sounded more fulfilling.
From where I sat, Axel honestly looked dead. His eyes were closed, whether he could help it or not, and his body was slumped against the passenger door with his temple smudged against the window. He had larger lips to begin with, but they were swollen - damn near torn open. Why were all of our injuries similar?
“Trey,” J finally muttered when he followed my gaze. I choked underneath my breath, my eyes welling up all over again. “Trey…” I couldn't take it - I had to do something. I shoved my car door open and practically sprinted over to his door, and I completely ignored J. “Trey, Trey!”
“You son of a bitch!” I deliriously cried as I snatched him from the seat and slammed his back into the back passenger door, gripping the collar of his already torn shirt as his eyes blurred with surprise. “I'm gonna kill you and leave your body to rot!” My punch to his jaw threw him off the car and onto the ground, a cloud of dust rose like it was a scene from a movie. “No wonder you don't have any family.” I was ready to kick him in the gut when J rammed his shoulder into me, knocking me against the vehicle before my foot could make contact.
“Too fuckin’ far,” he growled at me as he groaned through his agony.
“Yo get off me.” I snatched away from him and glared down at Axel. He put up no fight, he didn't try and defend himself or even try and explain his side. He simply struggled to pull himself up against the side of the car. “I swear if you have anything to do with this…”
“With what?” he croaked, and there were tears in his eyes.
I tilted my head. “My daughter, my baby girl, was found where you used to live. Cam wasn't there and I have no idea where she is.”
“What?” He perked up, like a young puppy tilting his head to the side. His eyes widened as his face lost all its color and he shook his head rapidly. “No, I-I-I swear I didn't do it. W-Where is she? Is she okay?”
“She's fine,” I replied tightly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw J branch off and examine the car. He checked the glove compartment, and I saw him tuck a small handgun into the waistband of his black jeans. Next he exited the car and made his way to the trunk. “Is that why you wanted to split up? So I wouldn't automatically kill you when you got caught? What, you tryna cover up the fact that you killed her? Huh?”
“N-No, I swear…”
“Stop lyin’ to me, man!” I was ready to just knock him out, because deep down I still felt he was lying to me, when a different thought knocked my mind of its railing. Spyder agreed to take Axel to wherever Cam was held, and the only thing around was the car. But she wasn't anywhere near here, unless -
“Cam?” The two of us snapped our heads to where J’s voice came from, and the lack of response shattered my heart into a million pieces. “Baby girl, can you hear me?”
No, it couldn't be.
“It's Jermaine. If you can hear me, I need you to squeeze my hand.”
She couldn't have been back there. That's impossible.
“Come on, baby girl. Gimme a squeeze.”
Cam was supposed to be with our daughter. We were supposed to be a family. We were supposed to cut her umbilical cord together, have some skin-to-skin bonding with her, childishly argue over what outfit she would wear home. She was supposed to be nursing. I was supposed to change her poopy diaper for the first time. Cam and I had already figured everything out, agreed on how everything would go.
It all happened so quickly. My hand was snatching the gun from J’s waistband and pointing it at Axel’s temple as the first round of tears dripped from his eyes. J was yelling at me, firing off demands to take control of the situation. Axel had his hands up, begging me to spare him.
My palm shook around the gun, my aim shaky and unfocused. I saw multiple Axel’s in my kaleidoscope vision. The voices in my head were loud with commands to just end it for the both of us. There were a couple of bullets in the clip, more than enough to get the job done.
“Trey,” J’s voice was louder than them all, but it was the softest, most urgent tone I’d heard ever come from him. “It's Jermaine. We have to call 911 now. Cameron needs more help than we can offer her. The police are gonna come too, and if they see you with a gun and Axel’s dead body… you can't be there for Cam nor Nyla. Can you give it to me?”
My entire body was trembling, and I was relieved that my finger wasn't on the trigger because I knew I’d fire it. And everything would be over. “But he… and she…”
As soon as his hand touched my own, every ounce of tension released and he caught the firearm just before it began falling to the ground. “I know, I know.” He gave one gentle tug and I was sobbing in his arms, harder than I would have liked for either of them to witness. He gave me a squeeze, but his own voice sounded strained and hesitant. “She has a pulse. It's shallow, but she's alive. I don't want you looking at her right now, but you gotta know that he didn't kill her. She's not dead, okay? And the sooner they help her, the sooner she’ll get better. Okay?” He released one arm from me so he could retrieve his phone to put in the call. As it rang, he rubbed my back. “The police are gonna ask us a lot of questions, but you don't have to answer anything until there's a lawyer present, okay?”
Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took for the two ambulances to arrive; their lights blinding, their sirens deafening. During that wait, I had vomited twice onto the concrete and succumbed to the weakness. I could only sit up against the other car, eyes staring blankly at the asphalt. Shock is what they call it, I think.
That was fifteen more minutes knocked off of Cam’s life. Who knows how long she had been in that trunk. Who knows what she endured during her labor and delivery, and whatever they put her through afterwards.
I vaguely remember a couple of cops showing up and attempting to ask me questions about who I was and what was happening, but there were more important things. I tapped away on my phone with shaking fingers, carefully dialing my mom’s number.
Her soft-spoken voice as she repeated her greeting a few times is what told me this was really happening. That this wasn't a nightmare. “Tremaine, baby? Hello?”
“Ma…” I smiled against my tears, hearing her voice made me feel slightly better, that I was actually on this earth and maybe I wasn't alone. “You gotta meet us at the hospital.”
She didn't ask questions. She didn't try and pry answers from me. She immediately picked up on the tone in my voice and she knew. “Alright, I'll be there as soon as I can be.”
/.\
They didn't admit me into a room, but they did patch me up. The cleaning solution or whatever it was they used on my cuts didn't faze me. How could it? It was nothing compared to what I felt on the inside. My ribs were only badly bruised so they gave me this wrap to wear and insisted on no heavy lifting or bending.
Upon my release, there was a nurse waiting for me holding a pink bundle in her arms. Her eyes lit up when she saw me, and we met in the middle of the hallway. “You're this darling’s father, right?”
I only nodded at first. “Is she okay?”
Jayla was what her name tag read. “She's in perfect health. Maybe a little hungry, but nothing to be concerned about. Do mind if I ask you some questions for her birth records?”
I shrugged a shoulder when she was in my arms, but followed the nurse to her station. I recited my first and last name along with my birthday, as well as Cam’s information. She asked for my daughter’s full name, birthday, eye and hair color, and her weight. I had no problem answering until the last question. I had no clue how much she weighed.
“I don't… I don't know.”
She didn't understand at first, but her face softened and she offered me a genuine smile. “Come with me and we can get her weighed.” I hesitated when she reached her arms out for her, and reluctantly followed her to the nursery. She unwrapped and undressed Nyla before placing her on a scale. “She was full term?”
I nodded.
“Hm,” she couldn't help but smile as Nyla fussed from the breeze. I was going to lash out on her, but she easily got her to calm down. “Daddy won't let anything happen to you, princess. He's right here, see?”
I brought her close to me, cradled her to my chest, and she completely relaxed like she already committed my touch to her memory.
“She's five pounds, eleven ounces.” She couldn't stop smiling at me. “I'm going to get her feet printed for her birth certificate, okay?” She stepped away from her computer to retrieve what she needed and I ran my finger down Nyla’s delicate little foot. When Jayla came back, she waited a moment before speaking. “Alright, baby. This is gonna be really cold, okay?” The pad of ink against her feet initiated another cry, and I swallowed hard. “I know, I know. I'm so sorry, baby.” When she was satisfied with her work, she giggled. “Alright, Daddy will make it all better.”
I redressed her and swaddled her like a burrito when her feet were cleaned off, and I sprinkled some kisses right along the edge of her little hat.
“T-Thank you,” I said to Jayla.
Her smile widened, became brighter as she handed me a small card. “If you need anything, anything at all, you can contact me here. Congrats on the miracle.” When she didn't get a response, she stepped away and went back to work. I shoved her card in my pocket and made my way from the nursery and to the general waiting room.
J was already waiting, patched up and in pain near the back. We met eyes, and he looked away briefly before sighing deeply - something from his gut. “She's okay?”
I nodded as we both looked down at her. She was wide awake and looking around. “Any word on -”
“I'm not family so they won't tell me shit. Axel should be out in no time. Looked like he needed stitches.”
I wiped my eyes for the umpteenth time today and settled in silence. I felt...inhuman. None of this felt real - even my own daughter in my arms felt like a figment of my imagination. Every coo and murmur sounded foreign and nothing about her clicked in my mind that she was actually here and she was perfectly fine.
“Mumma,” I breathed, and my legs nearly broke into a sprint toward her. She had barely gotten both feet through the sliding glass door, and she hadn't even heard me, before I almost collided with her. She was much smaller than I was, but I felt like a little boy all over again in her arms. Her touch was warm, more comforting than anything I could imagine in that moment. I didn't want to be anywhere else except with her so she could protect me from my fears. “M-Mumma…”
“Trey.” I was trembling again, and she held my face tenderly while she got a good look at me. “What's happened to you?”
I looked down at the bundle in my arms, feeling to weak to begin to express half of what was going on, and my mom’s gaze followed my own. Her lips parted to speak, but nothing came out. She wanted to be excited, and I knew she was, but she knew something was off. Her fingers were featherlight against my daughter’s face, and the tears weren't far off. She met my eyes as a way to ask if this was real. “Her name is Nyla Rose,” I whimpered. “She's your granddaughter…”
She was at a loss for words, but her wet eyes held so many questions.
“Mumma, we gotta talk… where's Forrest?”
