In the Republic Cruiser’s locked cabin, the young Padawan shifts on his floor cushion. The closed durasteel door behind him blocks the sound of the outside making the way his knees brush the floor suddenly seem louder than possible.
If the Padawan’s master hears the shuffling, she gives no sign for it, no twitch of her brow, no flutter of the eyelids, not a quirk of the fingers. She sits unbothered like moments before, like she's done for countless minutes, immersed in a meditative trance on the cushion opposite of Cirz.
But Cirz shifts again, unable to contain his impatience. Unlike his master who closed her eyes, he stares at the figure of the older Jedi intently, unblinking almost, as if it can signal his urgency. He hears himself take a breath eager to break the silence
His master opens her eyes.
"Cirz-"
"Why didn't you tell me about the battle losses? Shouldn't I know?" He feels himself lean forward and ball his hands on his knees, discontent threatens to escape him.
In response, he receives silence.
His master suddenly seems tired, with a face thinner than it usually should be. Heaviness rests in the Force around her like some cloak, like wet wool, making Cirz's shoulders feel heavy with a phantom feeling.
He licks his lip. “We can’t be losing. Are we losing?”
The master replies with the most gentle tone, or perhaps her voice simply lacks strength. “I'm afraid this is what success looks like."
“Like dead soldiers, master?”
Surprise spills across their bond. Then sadness, the same heaviness.
Enah brings her hands together. “In war, many people are lost, regardless of the outcome, beings die.” She lets out a sigh, studying the fierceness of her padawan’s gaze. ”The troops you speak of who joined the Force… They have created a path for the remaining Battalions to retake the planet.”
“Then… Then should you not be down there with the men, master? Should you not help them?”
Enah shakes her head. “All of our troops are fighting on the ground. Tell me Cirz, what happens to the relief team we are escorting, if no one stays on the ship to protect them?”
Cirz straightens in the most serious, most determined way an eight year old can be. “I can protect them.”
Then recognition flickers on his face. His expression deflates, scrunches in a miserable display. “You don’t think I can protect them.”
He waits for his master to deny the claim, but she doesn’t. It hurts him with a burning feeling rising from his belly, just like a death of thousands of men might. If only he had more experience to be useful in a situation like this, perhaps no one would die. But how can he gain more experience, if master Enah keeps sending him away?
“I miss the missions when you trusted me with more.” He mutters.
“I trusted you to follow my plan and stay on the ship with me… Yet, you attempted to leave with the clones, isn’t that so?”
Cirz stirs.
His large eyes drop to the floor. He has no idea how master Enah knows, but it’s true. He approached the Alpha Arc Trooper and tried to talk him into letting him join the operation. This is how he learnt about the many casualties of the campaign.
Not even from Enah.
By accident.
As if already knowing all the emotions that rise in the boy, Enah moves closer, reaching to place her hands on Cirz’s tightly closed fists.
“I apologize, Cirz” She says, “My wish was… that you wouldn’t need to witness the war so soon. It is too soon, Padawan, and it is not the galaxy I wished you to see… Yet, it seems the truth has found you, regardless of my intent.”
She gives his hands a gentle squeeze. “Now you can’t turn your back to it.”
Cirz tells himself that of course he won’t turn back. “I’m your Padawan, master. I go where you go. I see what you see”.
“.... No Cirz,” Enah rises at last. Her previous exhaustion seems to have disappeared. “I was in the wrong to bring you here, I see it now... Force help us, when we return home, we will find you more suitable tasks.”
He doesn’t like this decision any better, but before he gets a chance to answer, his master’s comlink signals an incoming transmission. — All droids on the planet Gondagali are deactivated. The relief team can enter the atmosphere.
This means their meditation time is over.
“For now come with me, Padawan. There are still things you can do, which do not involve sending you to the battlefront.”
RELATED THREAD, with @galaccias with Fordo — 21BBY, Mission to Gondagali, Lahara sector.














