#gaddess

“To place on Encia’s grave,” he replied regretting that they weren’t for a lady in his life.

“Encia?”

“Allen’s mother.”

“Did you know her?”

Gaddes shook his head, “No, but it feels appropriate after everything he and I have been through together. I must thank her for bringing him into the world.”

Hitomi smiled, “That’s sweet.”

“Or stupid,” Gaddes laughed.

Hitomi shook her head, “No, never, just sweet.”

Gaddes stood up, appeared near indignant, folding his arms across his chest, “Never done a thing a woman said she thought was sweet, least not since I was younger.”

“Were you a terror?” Hitomi laughed, images in her mind of Gaddes playing pranks.

“Actually, no, I was rather the hand to my mother.”

Hitomi gave a warm smile, “I can see that.”

Gaddes picked the flowers up from the table and went to leave, “Gaddes?” Hitomi called, “Would you like me to do a reading for you?”

“A reading?” He raised an eyebrow; it wasn’t something he’d ever considered.

“Sure thing,” Hitomi nodded, “I can if you like.”

“Huh, well I don’t know about that,” Gaddes leant against the wall, an amused smirk playing on his face.

“If you’re unsure I could just do a quick reading, more basic than what I usually do, just three cards, past, present and future,” she wanted to persuade him, she liked having Gaddes around.

He sighed and put the flowers back, “Okay go ahead.”

Hitomi beamed in response, she never took her position for granted and was always grateful when someone trusted her enough to do it. She motioned to the seat across the table from her and Gaddes’ eyes keenly on the cards.

Hitomi shuffled the cards and was about to lay the first one down, “Wait, this isn’t gonna tell me how I’m going to die is it?”

Hitomi laughed, “No silly.” Though a little part of her lurched inside, I sure hope not.

Gaddes appeared embarrassed at the question and swiftly took the seat.

“So,” Hitomi begun, “What do you want to know?”

He rested his hands behind his head, “Whether I’m going to die alone or not, if I’ll meet the girl of my dreams, when I’ll next have…” he paused realising what he was about to say, “Ahh nothing forget that,” he said in a panic waving his hands in front of his face.

“Next have what?” Hitomi asked innocently, yet staring at Gaddes and noting the colour that had risen in his cheeks, it suddenly dawned on her what he meant.

She blushed a deep red, “Ohh I.”

“Sorry Hitomi that was callous,” he said, still blushing.

Hitomi was so easy to talk to, too easy in a way, he relaxed so much around her that his guard dropped and he forgot who he was talking to.

She shook her head decisively, “No, no, please don’t apologise,” she reached out for his hands and held them for a moment.

Her thumb rubbed over the knuckle of his middle finger and she smiled at him, “It can’t be easy for you, it’s not like you have a lot of time to find love,” she gave a sigh, her mind went to Amano then to Van and then Allen.

Gaddes sensed her discomfort and pulled his hand away, “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she quipped quickly removing her own hands, “Sorry Gaddes.”

He paused for a moment and took a hold of her hands again, “We really need to stop apologising to each other.”

“Deal,” she didn’t know what it was about him. Amano seemed like a dream now, Van could be so childish and Allen was such a player. How had she missed Gaddes all this time? She found herself shuddering, noticing the way he was stroking her fingers gently. He was the perfect gentleman, the perfect friend. She didn’t realise how much she was thinking and staring at Gaddes, her eyes unfocused.

“Err Hitomi, you there?” He removed one of his hands from hers and waved in front of her.

“Oh, yes, so…” she went to say sorry again but remembered their pact and instead found herself laughing.

“What’s so funny?” He asked in such a serious and sincere manner that it only made Hitomi laugh more. They found themselves both laughing, an awkward topic, awkward conversation.

Gaddes pulled back and sat up straight in the chair, “What about this reading then, was I a lizard in the past? Will I marry a walrus?”

Hitomi continued to laugh as she picked up her cards and reshuffled them thoroughly. She closed her eyes and thought about the man sat in front of her, what kind of past had he had? He had been close to his mother, he was strong, a loyal friend, he was level headed, sturdy; he’d make the perfect husband. As she pulled the first card she could see glimpses of his past, many brothers and sisters, a lack of a father figure, immensely strong and supportive. There was a young girl, his sister perhaps? Pregnant at such a young age with no sign of the man who was responsible in sight. There was another girl, same age as Gaddes was, short brunette hair, messy, with a bunch of wild flowers in her hands, but she was long gone now…

She placed the first card on the table, “This card, your past, it’s the Ace of Cups,” she beamed.

Gaddes raised an eyebrow, “And that is good?”

She nodded, “Faithfulness,” she paused, “Your faithfulness to your friends and your country is clear to anyone, but this means more. This card…means love,” she paused blushing at how close to what he wanted to know the card was, “fertility.”

He gulped, “Oh, so that’s good,” he refused to look at her. “But this is the past right?” He suddenly asked a hint of trepidation in his voice.

“Yes,” she was still smiling but it was forced, she saw what the card meant. His family, their bonds so tight, that was all positive, true. But there was more, the girl with the short hair, Gaddes had loved her. They had been close and she had been pregnant with their child, but the flowers in her hands wilted, the sun set on her, the moon was dull as blood, black in the night swamped her dress.

“Oh Gaddes,” she couldn’t bear to look at him, “I’m so sorry,” her hand was out-stretched on the table. After all his hard work in his younger days, all the love he’d given, he had found someone to love and start a family with. 17 happy months, pregnant, engaged and all of it lost. Hitomi saw the girl walking home from the market in the early eve, pounced upon by thieves, attacked, abused. She died during miscarriage, a long and painful death, Gaddes by her side, so much blood and silence. Hitomi’s heart pounded against her chest, what had she done? How could she possibly talk to him about this.

Hitomi felt Gaddes’ warm and rough hands on hers once more, “Hitomi,” he spoke so softly she could barely hear him, “It’s okay, I know what you saw, I agreed to this, it’s okay.”

Hitomi looked up, tears visible in her eyes, the visions she saw were so horrific it reminded her why she’d promised to give this up. “I shouldn’t have looked, shouldn’t have pried,” she blinked back the tears.

“Stop it, stop beating yourself up, it’s done, she’s in a better place,” Gaddes was telling Hitomi this as much as himself. There wasn’t a day that went past when he didn’t blame herself, he could barely speak her name anymore, he’d never forgive himself for what happened to her.

“Why do bad things happen?” Hitomi asked wiping her eyes with Gaddes’ handkerchief.

Gaddes shrugged, “to make those of us left stronger? To keep fighting the good fight? It makes no sense, it’s too cruel, I know that. But I’ll never stop trying to make the world a better place,” he said with a sad smile on his face.

“And that is why you’ll be happy and rewarded greatly one day,” she responded.

She turned over the next card, “The Moon, the unknown, a shadow is cast over your future, there’s an uncertainty there.”

Uncertainty is what kept Gaddes strong, kept him loyal and ready for anything. The card didn’t worry him perhaps as much as it should have, but he still felt a slight twist in his stomach that his facial expressions must have portrayed.

Hitomi sensed his worry and reached out for him, placing her hand on the table an inch from his fingertips, suddenly afraid to place her hand on his, “Don’t worry Gaddes, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it can be a comforting thing. Things may be about to change, something exciting perhaps, a new opportunity?” She suggested.

He nodded at that, yes, that sounded more like it, more in tune with his personality.

She saw things then, a sun and moon, all the seasons at once. Gaddes with Allen and the rest of the Crusade crew, helping to rebuild Gaea. There was a lack of direction, the card showed her little else.

Hitomi uncovered the final card, “The Lovers,” Hitomi said, finally able to smile at a card.

“Now that is more like it,” Gaddes folded his arms behind his head and grinned, “So I’m gonna get hooked up?” Inside he felt like a string was tugging at his heart, she wasn’t forgotten and every time he thought about another woman he felt a little sick, like he was portraying her.

“Promise me you’ll find someone else,” her dying words sent to both haunt and comfort.

Hitomi saw him then, with another woman, long hair, was it silver? She saw him happy and at peace, not being relied on by everyone else for once. The smile was the warmest she’d ever seen him with and Allen was there too, by his side, still the closest of friends. The woman had a bump, so Gaddes would be a father after all she thought. She recognised the woman that was with Gaddes as her face came into focus, she’d never seen her smile like that. I can’t tell him who it is, she thought. But she felt hopeful, all the love and warmth that was in his future, the sun shining on the ocean, the sound of the gulls. It would be okay for him and it would be okay for her.

“You’ll be happy Gaddes, very, very happy. Your name will live on; your efforts won’t be in vain. I see the sun, I see the ocean, I see new life,” she said.

“And I won’t be alone,” he added cocking his head to the side.

“No, you won’t be alone. There’s a lot of love coming your way.” That was all she felt she could say, it seemed such a tragedy to ruin the end of a good story for one who is yet to live it.

“Thank you,” Gaddes replied. He got up and walked round behind Hitomi and wrapped his arms round her, resting his chin on her shoulder, he noted her hair smelt of cherries.

“Hitomi,” he spoke softly, “Speak to Van won’t you? Sooner rather than later. If there’s anything you need to say, or do, make sure you do it,” he pulled away from her and looked at her, she seemed slightly stunned. He winked as he picked up the flowers and left the room.

Hitomi sat in silence for a moment then picked up the cards and reshuffled them. Just before she was about to do yet another reading she thought on Gaddes’ words and knew he was right, she had to find Van…

Gaddes walked out onto the grass, it was much later in the day than he’d planned. Now he was sure that the flowers he’d acquired looked even sadder than they did in the morning. He felt a little guilty, but then imperfect things always felt somewhat perfect to him, they were too beautiful despite the fade.

The location of the grave couldn’t have been more perfect, he’d thought that ever since he was a child and visiting his youngest brother’s grave, he’d died a cot death. It was sad but it happened adults had told him when he was a child, it wasn’t abnormal and that was that. Gaddes hated the way some adults had treated tragic situations, too clinical with no room to grieve or make peace.

There was an absolute peace and tranquillity about the grave that Gaddes couldn’t find anywhere else. The sea air was such a comfort, salt on his bronzed skin; he allowed it to embrace him as he stepped over the flowers.

As he got closer to Encia’s grave he saw another figure that was stood there, Princess Eries. He paused for a moment, unsure what to do, he knew it wasn’t proper etiquette to be alone with a Princess, especially not Eries. Millerna was a little different where he knew her so well, but Princess Eries was always so quiet and reserved. One he had always admired from afar.

He was about to turn and leave when he heard her speak, “Gaddes,” he met her gaze; she was smiling softly at him. “Come, join me,” it was an invitation that he couldn’t refuse even if he’d wanted to.

He bent down to lay the flowers on the grave, feeling stupid compared to the beautiful Peonies that Eries must have just laid down.

He stood up slowly, avoiding eye contact with her, instead focusing on the words written on the tomb stone.

“Allen was so lost when it happened,” He said off hand. “Not that I was there of course, I mean from what he told me I guess…” he trailed off, stuffed his hands into his pockets unsure of what to say.

Eries turned to him, “You really are the most loyal of friends aren’t you?”

Gaddes blushed, “Well I don’t know about that,” he shrugged. Desperate to get away he withdrew into himself, tried to shrink, but in the presence of a woman like Eries this was impossible.

Eries smiled, “Well you might not, but I do. I see how close you are to him, how you’re always there to guide him.”

Gaddes felt a shred of guilt, everything with Millerna had near driven their father to death, Eries was terrified. He should have said something to Allen sooner, brought the uncomfortable subject up, but just as it had always been it wasn’t his place, he wasn’t born high enough.

“I’m sorry Princess, there’s a lot more I could have done,” he begun, he turned away from her, unable to face her during his confession, “That’s the down side of being lower born I guess,” he gave a nervous laugh realising how improper it was of him to say that, worried he sounded like he was accusing her.  He looked up, apologetically putting his hands up, “I didn’t mean that you, oh gods,” he sighed, there was no getting out of it.  

Eries shifted, her eyes cast down to the flowers, a honeybee had already found its way into the centre of one of her bright blooms. She reached out for Gaddes’ arm without looking at him, “Don’t do that.”

“I’m sorry,” he took a step back.

“Apologise I mean, I understand what you meant, I’m sorry that’s how things are.”

Gaddes was sure that she was sincere, or at least that she meant what she said sincerely, the problem with Eries was just like those adults when he was younger, she could be so crisp and matter of fact.

Her hard stare softened, “Walk me back.”  He took a hold of her with weak arms, trembling slightly he prayed she hadn’t noticed and linked them together, “Of course Princess.”

Eries shook her head, “Please don’t call me that, just call me Eries especially when we’re alone.”

When we’re alone Gaddes thought, we’ve never been alone before, this is the first time, does she mean she expects this to happen again?

As they walked they remained silent, listening to the grass in the wind, the sound of the waves. Gaddes felt surprised at how relaxed he felt. Just as he was relaxing into walking with her, their arms feeling more natural linked,  he felt his arm pulled down as Eries tripped over a small rock. Gaddes caught her and a moment passed between them, he was sure of it. The world had stopped for a second, her cheeks flushed as he pulled her upright, their eyes met, held in a wistful gaze.

“You’re a good man Gaddes,” she said softly.

He blushed, that was two women in one day who’d been praising him. When he tried to respond he found himself stuttering, “I…thank..s”

She placed a hand on his shoulder, “It’s okay,” when she spoke it left a silence between them. Gaddes had never felt closer yet more distant from another.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” She asked as they started to walk back.

Gaddes was aghast, how could he say no to a Princess? “Okay,” she sensed the trepidation in his voice.

She pulled away from him, “Never mind, look aren’t the orange blossoms beautiful for this time of year.” She guided him to the fragrant flowers.

“Yes,” he begun, paused, “Eries, just ask?” He practically begged; he was so curious to know now what was on her mind.

Gaddes was certain he’d never have a moment like this again, a moment where they were this close especially with no one else around.  

“Is there anyone in your life?”

Gaddes stared blankly at her, “I mean someone special, are you in love?” The words tumbled out without her meaning to say them, she clutched at her breast, he sensed a blush.

He turned away for a moment, knowing turning his back on a Princess was forbidden, “Princess I,” how could he even begin to answer this?

“Sister!” Across the courtyard they saw Millerna waving, “And Gaddes,” she added slightly suspiciously as she quickly moved towards them.