#fymd

I hear your voice like it was not long ago;

the tasteful undertones of your whisper

and the sweet melody of your laughter

troubles my sanity like an illicit drug.

 I feel your tender kisses and

warm embrace that open the gates of heaven

and ignite the life in me that causes

disturbance to my rationality.

 Oh, a shame, that’s what I am

for it has been so long since you’re gone

because the months have been done

but I still can’t get you off my head.

 But tonight, through the gentle strokes of my pen,

I write my bittersweet goodbye to you,

Wind brushing past

my face that is marked by

the sleepless nights,

the cold mornings,

the bitter afternoons

without you

and waiting so long

in vain –

I captured the city lights

with my eyes, tired –

knowingly giving up

but unwillingly fighting.

 Staring, I flicked the ashes of

my cigarette

and inhaled the fumes,

wondering if I cross your mind,

redeeming what was left of me.

I chained stick after stick,

replacing the cancer

between my fingers.

Heart beating fast

by foolish reasons I said,

“There will be someone

who will accept your flaws,

who will build you again,

who will make you feel like

it’s okay that you’ve been hurt.

There will be someone

who will come

eventually.”

Gazing at my computer screen,

twiddling the little pill

of fluoxetine,

I ponder and remember you:

How your face

gently lights up

whenever you see me,

how your thumb

graze over my lips

whenever you tell me

that you love

to kiss,

how your body with

its contours and complexity

fit mine

perfectly.

As I doused the medicine

with an ample amount

of caffeine,

I remember that

The tempest calms in Mind

but Heart pumps viciously

that floods

itself;

Heart became deluged and

asks of how it will salvage

Entirety

for the sake of Mind –

For it not to collapse,

to endure,

and to numb.

Flimsy, is what

Mind has remarked,

“I could but we couldn’t

so I should

and maybe,

eventually,

Much as I want to,

I can’t say that I miss you;

Our short greetings

and our small talks make me smile.

Have you ever felt

that you miss me – even once?

The worst kind of pain is the inevitable one. No matter how many times that I tell myself to forget about you and move on, I just can’t. I feel emptier as the days pass by.

I am trying to gather all of what’s left of me but it still really hurts so much. I want to tell you that I love you, that I miss you and I want you back but some things are just not meant to be said anymore.

What’s the worst part, you ask? The worst part is that I still have no regrets having you in my life. I still have no regrets of loving you genuinely and wholeheartedly. I’m okay that I’m hurting because of you and that’s how much I love you.

I’m not sure if you have someone new in your life right now but either way, I’m sincerely happy for you even though it is killing me.