who the fuck put the peeps in the microwave
CRISTIANO! fabio told him they exploded and he refused to believe because it’s a marshmallow and he’s had toasted marshmallows before and he thinks fabio is a dirty liar right up until he hears the booming POP! echo in the kitchen. plus, james is the one who knows his way around the kitchen.
who forgot to put the cat outside before sex
dog, and James, because he has a hard time turning them away when they give him those loving, needy puppy eyes and he gives Cris those same eyes while he’s trying to take off his sweatshirt. he eventually learns tho because the night of the Ballon d’Or Gala, Cris finds a particularly clever use for his bowtie and James can no longer look his dogs in the eye.
who posts vines of the other doing embarrassing shit
Cris, cause that mortal concept of shame is clearly beneath him. (Also because sometimes, James looks over at him right after those moments, sheepish and shy and blushing, like the only whose opinion on his fuck-up matters is Cris’ and god that messes him up.)
who breaks the most phones
James. He breaks three in the course of a single month, just from getting distracted easily, until Cristiano buys him a Gucci cover. That phone lasts a whole year.
wow, n o p e. (James. They all expect him to cry, to rant and rave and pick fights and force the grief from his body. Cris goes cold instead, still. He doesn’t talk to anyone for a month. Junior and Salo pack a bag for him and take him away, not to Manchester or Alcochete or Funchal. To Ibagué. It’s not until he’s sitting on the pitch that James told him about, where he grew up and learned to play and fell in love with the sport, the place where he became himself, that he finally lets out a single strangled sob.)
which one I could see as being lactose intolerant
Cristiano. He doesn’t think about it too much, gets used to drinking his coffee black the first couple of mornings he stays over at James’ place. It’s not until the first time that James stays over at his and rummages through the fridge for eggs that he notices all the soy and almond products. The next time Cris stays over, he finds three different flavors of soy creamer, unopened, in James’ fridge.
who thinks they can do something really well even though they can’t
Cristiano thinks he’s the greatest dancer in the world. The first time they go out dancing, he’s so focused on absolutely nailing the footwork that he ends up falling out of sync with the beat. James has to press their hips flush together to loosen him up enough to find the rhythm again. (He’s still nowhere near as good as he thinks he is.)
who is more likely to get kicked out of the bed
James. Before big games, Cris needs space to breathe, to re-center himself, to psyche himself up mentally and James is extremely respectful of that, of course, politely, silently reads with his glasses perched on his nose, wearing one of Cris’ grubby old sweatshirts that falls over his knuckles.
It drives Cris absolutely mad. He’s so distracted that he can barely remember who they’re playing against anymore and he knows he’s gotta make the tough choices here.
James looks bewildered when Cris carries him down the hall and deposits him politely onto the plush bed in the guest room.
who uses the computer most
Cristiano! His online gambling habit is a staple of his persona.(He also leaves scathing comments on any articles that dare to print a single unkind word about his closest friends.)
