so here we are again: me being here and you being off the map. // @futzthis
Heād kicked cigarettes when he was twenty-three. They were expensive to buy, left him without enough to buy enough food for both him and Gabe, kept his stomach empty and his chest tight. Quitting, he remembered, hadnāt been as hard as heād thought itād be. His hands shook for a little while, and his mouth went dry every time the other guys went out for a smoke and he declined the invitation to join them, but kicking the habit only took a few weeks. Robbieād never much thought of himself as someone who couldnāt quit something when he wanted to, but his tendency to fall off the face of the goddamn earth? That seemed a little harder to get rid of.
People called him out on it sometimes. Canelo, in a way that might have been playful if he hadnāt been his boss. Gabe, with concern in his tone. Daisy, sounding a little terrified. There was no patch for this, no gum, no letting his hands tremble through the craving. This wasnāt even a habit he got anything from, not a deep inhalation of smoke and ash that made the world a little clearer for a fraction of a moment, not a thing he wanted to be. It was something that came with the Rider, he supposed, a part of the deal heād made. And people could call him out, they could berate him and question him, but he didnāt know how to stop.
There were people he could talk about that with. Kate Bishop wasnāt one of them.
She didnāt know about the Rider. She didnāt know about Hell, about Eli, about any of it. She knew about Robbieās job at Caneloās, knew heād dropped off the face of the earth, knew it wasnāt the first time or the last. From her perspective, he figured, he was little more than a sketchy guy who occasionally faked his death. Figured sheād have the balls to call him on it.Ā āIām not off the map,ā he replied dryly, not looking up from the engine in front of him.Ā āIām smack dab in the middle of the map. Just took a vacation, thatās all.ā Right. His mind or soul or whatever it was that made him him had a quick spa visit to Hell while his body ran around with a goddamn maniac at the helm. That was all.Ā āYour shitbag car break down again, or are you just here to hassle me?ā