#futureweddingplanner

I can't live with this illness anymore. It's defeating me. I am literally falling to pieces inside, you could never see it on the out.. I try my best to be the happy-go-lucky person that every one hates because "no one is never really that happy." Honestly, I believe that. No one is ever happy ALL the time.. one could make it seem that way though.

I'd give anything to get rid of this, to be normal again, to be able to feel my heart beat fast, to go out and see a movie or go shopping.

My life is slowly being drained from me. I thought I was getting better.. but as soon as I try to get back to what I assume to be "healthy," I just get shut down again. Something stresses me out to the max or I relive something from my past.

To you people, I probably sound like a really messed up person.. I just wish my parents understand where I was coming from. They don't get that I'm a teenager and just want to act like it sometimes.. sometimes I just want to forget all about being sick. They think it's just me breaking the rules over and over again. It just completely goes over my head.. but the thought of being what society considers "normal" doesn't.

I have dreams of being a wedding planner and going to New York. I keep telling myself that I will make it there. Hoping that when I graduate I'll mysteriously heal and be able to prove everyone wrong.

So, I’m watching Bridezillas and now I refuse to have a DIY wedding or have a big wedding….

Not ever…

I just wanna pay someone to do everything and just listen to our wants/desires and take our vision from there.

I don’t want us to both over plan and over execute our wedding ourselves….too much stressed that is not wanted nor needed…I really want the David Tutera experience!! Wedding planned and executed in a month would be great!! Lol

Major details of my future wedding:

*Small wedding (no more than 75 people attending the wedding and reception)

*Modern, chic wedding theme

*Budget for entire wedding- No more than $10,000

*colors have to be pink and gold ( I LOVE pink!! especially light pink or blush pink)

*Wedding Party: Me, Future Husband, My mom, His mom, 1 bridesmaid, 1 groomsman, 1 best man, 1 maid of honor, 1 flower girl (my daughter) and 1 ring bearer

**Schedule: (on a Saturday)

-Wedding at 10 am

-Married by 10:30 am

-Pictures until 11:15 am

-Small reception until 12 pm

-consummation of the marriage but most importantly sleep between 12 pm-6 pm

-Party/Reception from 7pm -2 am

*Leave for honeymoon after church service the next Sunday and hopefully honeymoon will be in Italy, Australia or France.

*Easy and simple to the point!! lol