#future-perfect

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I don't want to be high in the sky.

I want to struggle and have a good time.

Because I can't imagine myself with a big house and tons of money.

But perhaps as a new yorker who thinks

the tragedies in his life are funny.

  Struggling through his woes.

Tredding through water up to his nose

but having a good time!

Because I can't picture myself being happy

But I can picture myself being satisfied

  I can picture myself laughing and being dead inside.

Naming cliches after cliches, putting a title on this life of mine.

which can never describe the tears

I cried, the swallowed pride, the confusion I tied to my brain, so I can never think straight, when I'm in this state...

All I want to do is die.

  Yes, I can imagine suffering in agony slowly;

It's saddening, I noticed.

But happiness is not my flower, it is not my lotus.

It is not written in my vocab...

No, it is not DNA coded..

  So, No, I can't imagine living ion a luxury suite

with a big screen TV.

Surrounded by a wife and family.

Two cats perhaps a dog.

No, I can't imagine that for me.

  But I can imagine sitting on a sofa in a small apartment located in New york,

contemplating on how am I going to pay this bill.

Or why can't I understand how my girlfriend feel.

Or why won't scars from yesterday just heal.

  No, I can't imagine myself happy and full of joy.

Not in 5 years, no not even in twenty.

Only dark clouds, never sunny.

And a weak plastic smile to show this situation that I'm currently, is clearly funny.

No,I just can't imagine being happy...