Soooo it’s been forever and a day since I’ve posted
Here’s a little update on my life right now:
I’m about to graduate college with a BA in English. I got into a kinda bad car accident last October and wrecked my moms car. I got a car. I met a boy in September and fell head over heels in love for said boy. I’m through with Him (and this time I mean it). I have a million and one jobs and yet I’m still always broke. I mean I guess that’s all ?
It’s been a minute since I’ve written like this so I’m a little rusty. Hang in there folks.
I want to talk about this boy though. I’m keeping up with the same old same old of no names so we can call him Mr Chocolate Eyes or My King. (I’m kinda liking Mr chocolate eyes because looking into his eyes has become one of my favorite things to do).
Mr Chocolate Eyes kind of hit me out of nowhere. I wasn’t looking for him but yet I can’t picture my life without him anymore. He’s the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep. He puts a smile on my face just by being who he is. He’s got such a big heart even though he tries to be mr tough guy. He doesn’t like to smile but I swear those rare moments when he does lights up a room. Being apart from him is so hard but it’s worth it when we’re finally together again. When he holds me nothing else in the world matters but us. (All this lovey dovey shit doesn’t sound like me I know but I want that stuff with him. All of it. The fairytale wedding and the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids and a dog. The April prank wars and fighting over him leaving his dirty socks on the bathroom floor and rolling over in the middle of the night to snuggle closer. I want the good and the bad).
I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t talk about the sex huh? Well it’s fan-fucking-tastic. Fun fact : we fucked the first night we met. It’s not even just always fucking either. Each time is different and it’s like another way of communicating for us. Sometimes what we can’t say in words we say in bed.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not always easy. I have a shitty schedule plus a curfew so our time is always limited. He’s king petty and I’m queen petty. I still don’t talk about my feelings and clam up. My ex is still hanging around and causing trouble or at least attempting to but it’s worth it because as long as he’s by my side I’ll go through hell and back.
Mr Chocolate Eyes really scares the hell out of me though because I’m afraid somethings gonna happen and he’s gonna be ripped away from me. I can’t experience such happiness and so much love for it to be ripped away from me. Sometimes I’m afraid we’re moving to quick and we’ll burn out too fast but then I think of everything that’s happened that’s brought us together and I think that maybe this is meant to be. Everything that’s happened in the past - good & bad - was to prepare us and to bring us together.
I don’t even know if what I’m saying is making any sense but to sum it up I really really fucking love Mr Chocolate Eyes and I’m scared like all hell to lose him.
TBQH it was really weird writing this. I’ve been making moves quietly especially when it comes to him because I don’t want to lose him. That’s one of my biggest fears but idk I was inspired tonight.
Well that’s it I guess.
