Time rogues, Josh Futturman, Liv Branson, Tiger, and Wolf are on the run from the law. The Time Law. After sticking their noses in time periods they don’t belong in, a tear opens in the Space Time Continuum called the Big Suck, causing every timeline to slowly merge together. Being chased down through history by the host of a deadly TV show, two time cops who constantly bicker, and a massive Killing Machine bent on killing the four, Josh and Liv are sure they’re not making it out this time.

Chapter 1 - Precipice of Yesterday

Warnings: strong language

“Coming up on the centennial season of The Diecthlon…brought to you by ULTRA-MAX, the bulk-free blood diaper you never have to remove.

She’s a stone-cold killer who buries her emotions, while keeping the body count sky high. Forged in the damp fire of hell’s sewer, she survived, only to have the very nature of her own existence questioned over and over again. But this tiger burns bright with survival instinct and little help from her friends, she’s Tiger: The Commander!

He’s a demolitions expert-cum fashion icon-cum-celebrity chef-cum-politician, prince, poet, and thief. He doesn’t just survive, he thrives, with little time for remorse and even less time for the losers who simply don’t get it, which is everyone not named him. This wolf is at your door blowing your mind and your house down, and you’re somehow thanking him for it! He’s Wolf: The Survivor!

She just wanted to help her so-called best friend and secret love, ending up getting roped in the crazy scheme of this very team. She’s traveled through time and space, finding herself in various settings she certainly does not belong in. She’s been betrayed and she’s been the betrayer, Liv certainly has some fight left in her after all. She’s Liv: The Fighter!

He was masturbating one night and was mistaken for someone he wasn’t: a hero. But that didn’t stop him from becoming one…or so he thought! Visited by two super soldiers from the future and dragged along for the time traveling joyride of a lifetime, he should be dead, a footnote in a mistake file labeled, ‘Are you fucking kidding me? This asshole?’ Yet somehow, Josh is still kicking. Yeah, you heard right, where he comes from, Josh is a man’s name, he’s Josh: The Lamb.

These four have been appropriated by the network, convicted of time crimes, and sentenced to death by entertainment. They’re gonna be running for their lives, hunted by creatures both real and mythological, being tested in ways the human body and mind simply wasn’t designed to endure. But this group has got something special, and with a little luck, you’re gonna see it splattered all over your Opti-Scope! I am Susan St. Jackalope, and this is the special centennial season of THE DIECATHLON!”

As “Get Ready For This” by 2 Unlimited began to sound so loud that the four of them, Tiger, Wolf, Liv, and Josh could feel the beat booming in the slow elevator that occasionally lurched upward, Josh’s hand found Liv’s. He shakily slipped his fingers into hers. Her hands were clammy with terror. They were going to die. Tiger and Wolf stood a few inches in front of them, shaking out their nerves.

“Always knew this song would be timeless.” Wolf gruffed, popping all of his fingers, then popping his neck. “Pelican’s Folly?” He turned to Tiger, who was rolling out her shoulders.

“No, too risky, if there’s bionic pumas they’ll be able to sniff us out before we can fit enough rocks in our mouths.” Tiger adjusted the red sweatband she wore across her forehead. They all were wearing ones that said “DIECATHLON” on the front. Tiger’s head turned to Wolf, smirking coyly. “I say we go for Hyena’s Whisper.”

“Yes.” Wolf answered almost immediately. He chuckled excitedly, any fears having left him. “And in an arena this size, that’ll be stellar.”

“What- what about us? Why don’t you guys ever explain your- your weird plans to us? We’re going to die!” Liv interjected.

Wolf just rolled his eyes. “We’ll be fine. Do you realize how many times we’ve turned a death sentence into a life paragraph?”

“Shut the fuck up, Wolf, this is serious!” Josh pleaded. “This is not the time to get poetic!”

“This isn’t anything we haven’t seen before.” Tiger turned her head slightly to look at them from the corner of her eye. “I’m not worried.”

“I’m very worried!” Liv was hyperventilating at this point.

“You know what?” Josh’s voice wavered. “You know what, maybe this is justice for fucking up the universe. This is what happens when you think you’re a savior.” He sounded so defeated.

“Don’t you mean made to think you’re a savior?” Liv mumbled quietly. Tiger and Wolf turned their heads again in unison, frowning.

“Hey.” Tiger’s voice came out stern, making Liv’s hands clammy all over again.

Josh sighed. “We killed millions of people-“

“I thought it was billions?” Wolf interrupted.

“…billions.” Josh corrected as the elevator shuttered. “Thanks…Wolf. This is…this is payback.” Josh groaned, letting go of Liv’s hand and dragging his hands down his face. “Maybe we shouldn’t fight this.”

“We should because we are fighters.” Wolf said, stressing every syllable in the last word. “And yeah, we’ll probably die out there,” Liv let out a small, sad sigh. “But what are we gonna do? Give up? No!” Wolf tried bringing them all in for a huddle. No one joined. “Listen here, we’re gonna survive for as long as we can, because we’re survivors.”

“No, you’re the survivor. I’m the ‘fighter’,” Liv made quotations with her fingers. “Tiger’s the commander, and Josh…”

“I don’t want to hear it again.” Josh grumbled.

“Fine, whatever.” Wolf readjusted his arms, still trying to signal for a huddle to happen again. No one moved. “Whatever we are, we’re a team, and as a team we survive right? We’ve already passed our biggest test, we coulda killed each other back there.”

“And as tempting as it was, we didn’t. Because that’s not what teammates do.” Tiger added. “And now those future fucks aren’t gonna know what hit ‘em, because we’ve got Hyena’s Whisper on our side.”

“Seriously, what is that?” Liv deadpanned.

“Ooh, and add Lobster’s Bluff.” Wolf’s eyes were wide with excitement as he straightened up. “We’ll have a pincher’s chance.” He winked at Tiger.

She nodded in amusement. “Good one.” They turned to face the elevator, which had fragments of light streaming through the cracks in the elevator doors.

“I still don’t know what that means.” Liv whispered, her hand fumbling for Josh’s. He held on tight.

“If this is it, I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too.” Liv nodded, looking over at him.

“Oh, come on, things are just getting started. Won’t your true love save you or something?” Wolf joked as he got into a running stance. They could hear a massive stadium of people cheering and bellowing. The show was about to start.

“Here they are, ready to DIE!” Susan’s voice hollered over a huge speakers. Liv yanked her hand from Josh’s, copying Wolf’s stance.

The doors shuttered open, and Tiger and Wolf immediately dove outside. Liv dropped to the ground as a gigantic arrow sailed right over her head…and into Josh’s heart, pinning him to the back wall of the elevator. She jumped up screaming, Josh screaming as well. She latched onto the arrow that was sticking out about 5 feet from where it had impaled him, still shrieking. Josh wailed in pain every time she yanked on it.

“Josh! Josh, no-“ something slashed into her back. Before her face had the chance to smash into the ground, whole world went dark.

Liv came to, taking in a massive breath and immediately began coughing on some sort of goo that had entered her mouth. It was bitter and immediately made her retch. She realized her whole body all the way up to her chin was being sustained in the goo, she was in some kind of glass cylinder, like the one from the fifth “Star Wars” movie that kept Luke Skywalker alive, as Josh probably would have said.

She whipped her head to her right, to see Josh was in a cylinder filled with goo too. He was looking at her with wide eyes. She blinked a couple times.

“What is this place?”

“Did you hear that?” He asked, spitting out some goo.

“…what?”

“That voice?”

“…my voice?”

“No-“

“Boom shakalaka!” Tiger entered the strange room holding a massive horn. “That is how you kill a unicorn.” She dropped it like a mic drop. “You rip just rip the fuck ass horn from it’s fuck ass horse head, and then it bleeds rainbows!” She laughed giddily.

Wolf entered holding…Liv didn’t want to know what it was. “Guess what this is?” He asked. “A kraken ball!” He swung it around and dropped it on the ground, laughing hysterically. Liv slowly turned her head back to look at Josh’s cylinder. Josh was sputtering out more goo and trying to get a good look around the room. His eyes met Liv’s and they both blinked rapidly and sputtered out more of the bitter goo that kept invading their mouths. Wolf kept blabbing on and on about how Krakens only have one testical, and how every creature has its weakness (usually the balls). They were both only half listening.

“So, it’s over, you won?” Josh finally interrupted.

“Well, I’d sure say so, based on the look on the score keeper’s face, we definitely shattered the record for fastest victory.” Wolf gloated.

“And his face.” Tiger added with a sharp laugh. “Which was unnecessary, but we did. Shatter his face, I mean.”

“Oh…” Liv spat some more goo out. “Real sad we missed that.”

“We’re fine, by the way.” Josh deadpanned. “Question for everyone in this room though.” He stood on his tiptoes in the goo, trying to keep any of it out of his mouth. “Did they put a voice in your head that kinda just hyperfixates on all your weaknesses, or…”

“No?” Liv stood on her tiptoes too, holding her head up.

Wolf and Tiger exchanged pitiful glances at Josh’s question. “How much of that goo have you swallowed?” Wolf asked.

“Nevermind. It was probably nothing.” Josh shook his head and sighed. “Just making sure.” Liv furrowed her brows at him. Josh shook his head in a way that told her to forget it.

“Well, I’ve got a voice in my head,” Susan announced as he entered the room through massive glass doors. “That voice would be screaming, ‘CHOO CHA CHING CHING!’”

All four of them stared at him blankly.

“Which would be the sound cash registers make now.” Susan clarified, making his way to Wolf and Tiger, who straightened up. “You two were spectacular out there. That was quite the show.” Without looking at Josh and Liv, he pointed at them. “Not you two though, you did jack shit. But the audience loved it! Laughed their asses off at you two jesters.”

Josh and Liv deflated, Liv rolled her eyes at Susan’s jab.

“So what do we win?” Tiger asked, folding her arms.

Susan’s eyes lit up. “You guys get an all-expense-paid luxury trip…” he set up the sentence slowly. “…back to The Diecathlon!” He cheered. “You’re going back in, we’ve been renewed for another episode. And more.”

There was a high pitched hurt sound that everyone was pretty sure came from Josh. Tiger and Wolf stiffened. Tiger pressed her lips tightly together.

“That is great news. This was child’s play, we were hoping for more of a challenge.” She responded dryly. Wolf gave a forced chuckle in response too. Susan smirked.

“I was hoping you’d say so.” He walked past them and up to Liv and Josh’s tanks. He looked past them and locked his eyes onto something behind them. They both tried to turn their heads, but it was hard in the goo. He was studying some sort of x-rays of their bodies on a screen. “You’re both healing nicely.” He gave them both a nod as he kept smirking. “Think you can handle going back tomorrow?”

Liv and Josh both complained in protest. “What do you mean more episodes?” “I can’t do this again!” “My whole body is numb!”

“That means the goo is doing what the goo was meant to do.” Susan said rhythmically. “It’s incredible goo, our best goo yet.” He strolled back in Tiger and Wolf’s direction, where they watched him with wary eyes. “Too much of the goo, you get cancer. Too little of the goo, you still get cancer. Just the right amount of goo will heal absolutely anything except for goo-related cancer.” He continued.

“Is he being serious?” Josh cried, turning his head to look at Liv. Their eyes mirrored each other in size. Tiger and Wolf both quirked eyebrows, eyes darting up to look up at their two friends in the goo.

“Anyways,” he clapped Tiger and Wolf in the back, which was brave of him to do. The two of them turned their heads to glare at him, but he ignored it. For some reason, despite how violent Susan had seen Tiger and Wolf could be, he wasn’t afraid of them. “You four better rest up. Big tomorrow, you’re gonna be fighting dinosaurs.” He made his hands into claws and pretended to scratch Wolf’s face. Tiger grabbed his arm in case Wolf decided to attack. He just stared at Susan with his intense eyes. This just made Susan laugh.

“Can’t wait.” Tiger deadpanned. Susan made his way to the glass doors, spinning around to give them finger guns, and then exiting.

“Wolf, why didn’t you attack him?” Liv cried.

“Because they would only kill us if we tried anything. And Susan knows that.” Tiger finally unattached her hand from his bicep.

“Okay. This isn’t fun anymore.” Wolf grumbled.

“It never was fun!” Josh practically screamed.

“Well, it got fun, and now it isn’t anymore.” Wolf growled, grabbing his Kraken ball trophy and storming around the room.

Tiger and Wolf had been ushered away for the night, leaving Liv and Josh to float in their cancer goo. They didn’t sleep much. Or talk much. The second they were allowed out of the goo tanks, they were whisked into separate dressing rooms, where they were changed out of the canvas unitards that covered their bodies in the tanks, and into form fitting bodysuits with wires that stuck out from the arms and legs of the suits.

They were put on display like zoo animals in separate enclosures as they were instructed to reteach themselves how to move their limbs again after taking such damaging hits. Liv had lost all muscle memory in her legs, finding herself on her knees, practically crawling as she tried to pull herself up on a bar that slowly turned in a wide circle around the enclosure, as if to guide her. The wires that attached to the legs of her suit caused searing pain to flare up in her legs, like a million tiny knives were stabbing her nerves and muscle tissue.

Susan’s big holographic head appeared in the center of the space, scaring her half to death. “Just checked in with your boyfriend and he’s doing awful! How’re you doing, kid?” He asked cheerfully. God, she hated him.

“How do you expect us to even go back into that fucking arena?!” She cried, arms weak as the bars continued to pull her limp body in a slow circle.

“You’ll be A-okay. The network would never kill the people they eventually plan on killing.” Liv’s head snapped up to give Susan the dirtiest look she could muster. “You’re doing great by the way, you’ve earned back the strength of a 2 year old. Josh already has the strength of a 9 year old back, but, you know,” she could tell by the inflection in his voice he was probably shrugging. “Anyways, keep it up, champ. By the time you’re back in the arena, you won’t remember any of this happening. Because of the…fun!” He beamed before his big fat head disappeared.

Liv let go of the bar and fell to the ground, letting out a cry of pain.

Liv barely had the strength of an 11 year old back by the time she was escorted back into that death trap of an elevator. She was forced back into the red t-shirt and basketball shorts she, Josh, Tiger, and Wolf had worn the day before. She shakily rubbed the sweatband she wore on her forehead.

“This thing itches.” She grumbled.

“You guys okay?” Wolf asked quietly as the elevator doors rattled to a close behind them. They stood in their same spots as the day before, Wolf in front of Josh and Tiger in front of Liv. The same song from yesterday began to vibrate the walls of the elevator again before Liv and Josh had a chance to respond. Tiger let out an annoyed hiss. “…this is gonna get old.” Wolf huffed as he popped his neck. The elevator shuttered as it began to rise.

“I’m not okay.” Josh muttered. “I had to relearn how to move my arms. It hurt. Very bad.”

“Yeah.” Liv agreed hoarsely. “I-“ her sweatband shocked her forehead. “Ow!” She felt her head. Tiger and Wolf did the same, both of them hissing or gasping at the shock. “Ow, what the-“

As “Get Ready For This” by 2 Unlimited began to sound so loud that the four of them, Tiger, Wolf, Liv, and Josh could feel the beat booming in the slow elevator that occasionally lurched upward, Liv’s hand found Josh’s. She shakily slipped his fingers into hers. Her hands were clammy with terror. They were going to die. Tiger and Wolf stood a few inches in front of them, shaking out their nerves.

“Always knew this song would be timeless.” Wolf gruffed, popping all of his fingers, then popping his neck. “Pelican’s Folly?” He turned to Tiger, who was rolling out her shoulders.

“No, too risky, if there’s bionic pumas they’ll be able to sniff us out before we can fit enough rocks in our mouths.” Tiger adjusted the red sweatband she wore across her forehead. They all were wearing ones that said “DIECATHLON” on the front. Tiger’s head turned to Wolf, smirking coyly. “I say we go for Hyena’s Whisper.”

“Yes.” Wolf answered almost immediately. He chuckled excitedly, any fears having left him. “And in an arena this size that’ll be stellar.”

“What- what about us? Why don’t you guys ever explain your- your weird plans to us? We’re going to die!” Liv interjected.

“What are you guys doing?” Josh asked, his hand tightening around Liv’s. “Why are you saying the same things as yesterday?”

Tiger stepped back and turned to Josh. “What are you talking about?”

“…are you fucking with me?” Josh tore his hand from Liv’s.

“No, Josh, we’re not…” Liv assured him. Wolf’s head was turned too, a concerned eyebrow lifted.

Josh’s eyes darted between the three of them. “Okay- okay, must have just been deja vu.” He shook his head as if to clear the stress. “We need a plan to protect Liv and I, okay? We’re not as skilled as you guys.” He explained, voice still on edge, to Tiger and Wolf. “What should we expect?”

“How the hell would we know, it’s our first time.” Wolf shrugged. Josh opened his mouth to protest, but then paused, eyes fixating on each of them again, a look of panic coming back in his face.

Liv grabbed for his hand again, the look on his face scaring her further. “Josh…?”

“This isn’t…” he muttered. “Guys, this isn’t the first time we’ve- what is going on?!” His voice was rising again.

“What are you talking about?” Tiger asked loudly, the sound of the audience becoming louder and louder.

Josh shook his head frantically. “You guys don’t remember?” He asked urgently.

“Remember what?” Wolf shouted over the roar of the arena that could be heard.

“First blood! First blood!” They could hear the bellowing from outside being led by Susan’s voice.

“Here they are! Ready to die!” Susan yelled as the elevator doors rolled open.

Liv got into a running stance, copying Wolf and Tiger. Josh grabbed her by the waist and yanked her to the ground. Just as she was about to yell at him, a massive, five foot long Avatar-looking arrow sailed over their heads.

“Nice reflexes!” They both heard Wolf yell back to them as he took off running into the arena. They army crawled together out of the elevator shaft and helped each other up.

“How did you even see that?” Liv cried.

“I’ve been trying to tell you- OH FUCK!” Before he had a chance to react, another five foot arrow came out of nowhere, stabbing through Liv’s stomach, and then through his, pinning them together. Liv screamed in agony. The last thing she could comprehend was Josh trying to pry her off of him.

Liv regained consciousness, slowly shaking her head. She opened her eyes groggily, taking in the sticky feeling that surrounded her body up to her chin. Her eyes lazily fluttered open and shut as she tried to look to her right, seeing someone’s silhouette. She tried to open her eyes more, but everything was bleary. Her mind was too foggy to register much. Her eyes slowly closed, as if she wanted to go back to sleep.

“Yeah…yeah, I’m in the goo, where else would I be?” She heard the silhouette to her right was murmuring. It sounded like Josh’s voice. “I…yeah…yeah I feel it. Okay…okay…” he was grumbling. She opened her eyes slowly again, turning her head to try and look again. Josh was gasping and muttering some sort of thanks to someone.

Liv was starting to pick up on her surroundings. She was in some tank filled with some sort of…slime…she was wearing what felt like a tarp, and Josh was in a similar tank.

“Josh…?” Her voice came out scratchy. Josh’s head swung to look at her.

“Liv! Liv-“ he paused for a moment and jerked his head, like there was an imaginary bug flying around and annoying him. “Liv, hi, reach to your left and feel for a rubber knob,” he was trying to explain to her, but her brain was barely processing how fast he was talking. “If you press it, the goo will drain a little-“

“Josh…?” She mumbled groggily. “What…what happened?”

That’s when Tiger and Wolf entered the mysterious goo tank room, victoriously holding up something.

“Boom shakalaka!” Tiger triumphantly declared. “If I ever meet another rhyming riddle worm, I’m gonna decapitate it just like this one.” She pumped the head of what used to be a robot (as could be seen by the wires dangling disturbingly from its neck) of a cartoonish book worm.

“I think the animatronic was trying to help us, but…” Wolf chuckled, folding his arms. “We had to destroy him. As we do.” Tiger joined in with his laughing. “How you two holding up, still alive?”

“Let me guess, you won.” Josh sounded almost sarcastic as he said it.

“I don’t know what the record is for the fastest victory-“ Wolf began to boast.

“You shattered the record and the scorekeeper’s face, right?” Josh finished. Tiger and Wolf both gave Josh a confused, yet pleased look. Liv shared their confused look.

“Yeah, how’d you know?” Tiger asked, dropping the animatronic worm head on a table. “Is there a live feed you watched?”

“Just guessed.” Josh huffed.

“Did you see it too, Liv? Did you see me chuck a javelin into the audience while I blew kisses? God, they loved that.” Wolf sighed with glee. Liv’s brows furrowed.

“Are you having…fun?” Liv rasped.

Tiger and Wolf both looked at each other, shrugging slightly. “I mean…it is nice to be recognized for my talent.” Tiger admitted. “Of killing things.” She added.

“Yeah, I mean, when you’ve got it, flaunt it, right?” Wolf chuckled, holding his arms out theatrically. Liv pursed her lips in frustration.

Josh shook his head and spoke up. “Look, guys, I was trying to say this earlier, but we lived this yesterday too. I know, it’s hard to comprehend, but they must have wiped your memories so you don’t remember-“

“I feel like I’d remember if they wiped my memory.” Tiger scoffed.

“Yeah, me too.” Wolf scoffed too.

“That’s not how memory wiping works.” Josh countered.

“Wait, so you remember something like this happening yesterday?” Liv, of course, as usual, was the only one concerned.

“Liv, it’s not true.” Tiger said loudly. “Josh doesn’t know anything about memory wiping, we do. We come from a time where memory wiping is a thing.”

“We’d definitely know if our memory was wiped.” Wolf nodded confidently.

“No! We’re gonna have to keep doing this exact day with slight alterations until we are dead!” Josh interjected.

Wolf blew out a breath. “Well…” he put his hands on his hips and as everyone waited for him to finish his sentence. “I personally, can think of worse ways to go.” Liv and Josh both groaned. Tiger nodded in agreement.

“Listen you two, we’re gonna be fine-“

“DOES THIS LOOK FINE TO YOU?!” Josh erupted, leaving everyone in a stunned, awkward silence, watching as Josh kept twitching and jerking his head and muttering, “stop- stop it! Shh!” Liv made a face, eyes drifting to Tiger and Wolf, who were watching with the same looks on their faces: concern.

“Dude…” Wolf breathed out in a low voice. “I don’t think we’re the crazy ones, I think it’s Josh…”

“Tiger and Wolf to the Victor’s Lounge, Tiger and Wolf to the Victor’s Lounge, thank you.” A female voice said over an intercom.

The two of them gave Liv and Josh one last sad look before giving them a small wave. “Well, it’s for victors only…so…” Wolf began as Tiger picked up the worm robot head and grabbed his arm to lead him out of the room.

Before leaving, she gave Liv a look with her eyes that Liv knew meant, “good luck with him”. Him being Josh, who Liv was starting to think might be going crazy. She turned her head again to look at her possibly crazy boyfriend.

“You believe me, right Liv?” Josh pleaded.

Liv opened her mouth, tasted the bitter goo, grimaced and closed her mouth, and just nodded to be polite.

The whole night, while Josh thought Liv was sleeping, he was muttering to himself, and scaring the fuck out of her. She couldn’t quite understand in his hushed voice, but she could make out phrases like, “But I do it on my own terms” and “No, they’re my friends” and “why would you say that?!”

He’d lost it alright. There probably was no memory erasing happening.

The next day was hell, Josh and Liv on display like zoo animals in separate enclosures, reteaching themselves both how to walk.

Liv cried the whole time.

They were thrown back into that elevator, Josh rambling on and on about how their memories were about to get erased. Liv hated to doubt Josh, but, after hearing him argue with himself in the dead of night, she had many, MANY doubts. They stood in the same spots as the day before as the elevator began to rise. A slight shock to Liv’s forehead made her jump-

As “Get Ready For This” by 2 Unlimited began to sound so loud that the four of them, Tiger, Wolf, Liv, and Josh could feel the beat booming in the slow elevator that occasionally lurched upward, Liv’s hand found Josh’s. She shakily slipped his fingers into hers. Her hands were clammy with terror. They were going to die. Tiger and Wolf stood a few inches in front of them, shaking out their nerves-

“Guys!!” Josh yelled, making them all look over at him. “It happened again!!” He wailed, grabbed Liv’s and Wolf’s arms, the closest people in his reach. Wolf yanked his arm away.

“Not now Josh, we have to be prepared.” Wolf turned back to face the door.

“We have to get out of here!” Josh turned and grabbed both of Liv’s hands, eyes frantic, scaring her even more. “The only way is through this elevator-“The elevator stopped abruptly, doors clattering open to the arena.

“No time!” Tiger yelled as she bounded out into the arena. Wolf followed her, hollering battle cries.

“Josh?!” Liv cried out as Josh shoved her down to the ground, his body landing on top of her, knocking the wind out of her. Two massive arrows flew over her head and jammed into the elevator wall. “…oh my god?!”

Josh panted and clambered back to his feet. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry…” he was panting. They stumbled out of the elevator as quick as they both could. “We have to be careful, anything could-“

A net landed over Josh, immediately lighting up and electrocuting him. Liv screamed and backed away, hands flying up to cover her head. Josh collapsed in front of her. A third arrow zipped at her right and shot clean into her ribs.

Josh wasn’t crazy. Everyone’s memories really were being erased, the voice in his head said so. He’d first heard it speak to him after the first round of The Diecathlon when he was floating in the cancer goo for the first time. The fact he was hearing a voice didn’t help his case that he wasn’t crazy though, so he didn’t tell anyone. Not even Liv. Josh assumed The Voice was God. Now, The Voice said he wasn’t God, but Josh wasn’t too sure. Josh, being raised atheist, didn’t believe in God, but in trying times such as this, he was willing to make an exception.

The Voice told Josh that he could help him (assuming The Voice was a he), claiming he knew how to get him to a place he’d once called home. Home. Josh had agreed to do things, but specifically on his terms. Now all he needed to do was try and convince everyone that their memories actually were being erased.

It had been 47 days. 47 days of him pleading with Tiger and Wolf to believe him, Liv almost believing and then for some unknown reason pulling away immediately, and then both him and Liv being brutally injured. One of the days Tiger had told him Liv had lasted a solid 20 minutes in the arena before she accidentally fell into a pit.

Josh had never even made it 2 minutes.

Everyday, after floating in a tank of goo for hours and sleeping in it, Liv and Josh would be taken to separate enclosures, left to reteach themselves to move on their own. Each day, more and more fans of The Diecathlon swarmed around his enclosure to laugh at him (probably). And everyday, Liv thought it was the first time.

Josh was teaching himself to walk for what felt like a thousandth time. Susan’s holographic face showed up right on cue, as it always did, to give him a fake motivational speech.

“There you are, my favorite hapless wonder.” Susan beamed. “Liv’s doing fine, I switched things up and visited her first. She still has no idea she’s done this exactly 47 times!”

Josh clung to the bars on either side of him as he willed his legs to move. “Erase my memory!” He begged.

Susan laughed as if that were the funniest thing he’d ever heard. “What? Absolutely not! That’s the comedic genius of this whole season, that you’re the only one who remembers. This season of ‘Diecathlon’ has the highest ratings since, well, ever.”

“I just want to die!” Josh wailed, legs giving out.

“And yet we refuse to let you. You’ve failed to get off that elevator 47, going on 48 times. Do you know how hard that is?” Susan chuckled.

“Well I am trying.” Josh gritted his teeth.

Susan began to outright laugh. “I know! That’s what makes it so funny! And no one believes you!” Susan’s hand came into view as he wiped at his eyes. “Tiger and Wolf are my heroes, you and your girlfriend are there too. Honestly, I think we’re gonna have to shake it up soon. We might have to release The Killing Machine.”

“What’s been in the arena this whole time?!” Josh cried out, attempting to pull himself up on the bars again.

“Oh, my bumbling comic relief,” Susan said with a pleased sigh. “If I keep this season up, the network is going to let me own my wife and daughter outright, free and clear. Maintenance included!”

“I don’t care.” Josh huffed.

“Well, ta-ta! See you back in the arena!” Susan ignored him, cheerfully grinning as his hologram dissolved. Josh trembled as he rested himself on his knees. He looked out at the crowd around his enclosure, who all went crazy at his acknowledgment, holding up signs and waving.

A sign that said “HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE” caught his attention. He hung his head. He wished he weren’t.

“Ready to do this another way, Josh?” The Voice piped up. Josh’s head perked up. “My way?” The Voice added.

He craned her neck away from the onlookers, staring at the back wall as he hissed, “No, no, didn’t you hear? I’m the comic relief and I can’t do anything.”

“You’ve let yourself believe what the world is telling you, that you’re a worthless piece of shit.” The Voice said. “That’s exactly your advantage.”

“What? No-“

“Yes! Let them mock you and jeer at you, they’ll never expect you to be one upping them. You’ve clearly got to be the one to do it since you are the only one who doesn’t have a scrambled brain!” The Voice said enthusiastically. “Now let’s accomplish the impossible, and get you home.” The way The Voice spoke, Josh could almost hear his (still assuming The Voice was a he) confident smirk.

Josh inhaled deeply, letting The Voice’s words sink in. He had a point. “Okay.” Josh agreed, gripping tightly to the bars and hoisting himself up, grunting with struggle. “Let’s do this.” He let out a triumphant sound the moment he was able to hoist himself to his feet. “Liv and I are gonna make it home.” He assured himself.

“So…does she have to come?” The Voice asked. One thing that Josh was piecing together was that The Voice didn’t like Liv, which was the biggest reason it had taken him 49 days to trust him. Josh still didn’t really, but what choice did he have at this point?

“Yes.” Josh snapped.

Josh watched Tiger, Wolf, and Liv flinch from the zap from their headbands. Memories wiped clean all over again. He didn’t try to convince them as he had everyday, instead he let Liv grab his hand as she did everyday and listened to Tiger and Wolf decide whether to do Pelican’s Folly or Hyena’s Whisper.

“Too risky.” Josh said casually before Tiger could respond with the same answer. “Bionic pumas would be able to sniff us out before we could fit enough rocks in our mouths. What about Hyena’s Whisper?” He gave the suggestion in a deadpan, exhausted voice.

“How did you know what any of that meant?” Liv asked, voice laced with terror. Josh hated seeing her like this everyday. Everyday he’d become more and more numb to the anticipation and horror he’d felt the first time he’d been shoved into this elevator, but everyday he relived it on Liv’s face. He squeezed her hand gently.

“Thanks for the suggestion, but no.” Tiger shook her head. Josh rolled his eyes.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I didn’t know what I was thinking.” Josh shrugged. Liv was looking at him, eyebrows drawn together, utterly confused at his lack of fear.

“It’s cool.” Wolf gruffed. “Just stay in your lane and we’ll handle the strategizing.”

This was the perfect moment to bait Tiger and Wolf. The Voice had told Josh that he needed Tiger and Wolf to retrieve specific items from the arena to escape. Mermaid gallbladder was first.

“Hey, so, I was reading something interesting in the green room. Apparently, there are all these mythological and, like, genetically modified creatures in this arena.” Josh began, internally keeping track of how much time was left of this elevator ride. All eyes were on him.

“…uh huh…” Tiger nodded for him to keep going, her interest piqued.

“I bet there’s mermaids in there today, I thought I saw, uh, something.” Josh continued.

“…mermaids?” Liv asked quietly. “Wait, how do you know this?”

“Well, I don’t know for sure, but I’ve heard it’s really hard to get a mermaid gallbladder. I’ve heard they’re like a trophy to the most skilled fighters.”

Tiger scoffed. “A stupid trophy only an idiot would want.” But Josh saw her perk up when he’d said it. He saw her send Wolf a competitive glance.

“Yeah…I’ve heard it’s probably too hard.” He side eyed Tiger and Wolf, Wolf was still looking at him, gears turning in his head, trying to decide if he was gonna prove Josh wrong or ignore him. “You probably couldn’t do it anyways.” He added quietly. That did it. And just as the elevator slowed. Liv was staring at him too, one eyebrow raised in an animated fashion.

“You saw this where?” She asked, skeptical and no longer as frightened. The doors opened and Josh found The Voice to be correct, the whole arena was flooded with water and piranhas attacked him immediately.

Josh woke up back in the goo to Tiger tapping on the glass of his tank.

“Hey, hey Futturman.” It scared the living daylights out of him. “Looky here.” Tiger smirked, holding up what he assumed was the mermaid gallbladder. “Wasn’t hard at all. Well, maybe for Wolf.” She snorted. Josh blinked a couple times, looking over to see Wolf sulking by Liv’s tank.

“I almost had one too.” Wolf was pouting. “I was just telling Liv.”

“About how you failed?” Tiger snickered.

“Oh my God…” Liv groaned in her tank. She had healing piranha bites on her arms and legs. Josh probably had some too.

“Yes, see how they’re playing your game?” The Voice said in Josh’s head. His eyes darted up, listening.

“What?” Tiger asked, looking up too.

“Nothing, nothing, just…nothing.” Josh mumbled.

“Tomorrow, you will challenge them again.” The Voice said. Josh stared right at Tiger, pretending like he was listening to her brag. “Two more days, and you will be able to escape.”

Arachno-bot web spindle. Stegosaurus femur. That was all The Voice said that he needed. He could make it until then.

As “Get Ready For This” by 2 Unlimited began to sound so loud that the four of them, Tiger, Wolf, Liv, and Josh could feel the beat booming in the slow elevator that occasionally lurched upward, Liv’s hand searched for Josh’s but he pulled his hand away. She turned her head over to look at him. Somehow, she was now just noticing how bulky he looked, wearing a massive Diecathlon branded jacket and pants. His hand pulled away to unzip the jacket, and he tore away the pants.

“What the hell-“ she started, taking a step back. Tiger and Wolf turned in sync upon hearing her.

Josh had a massive bone tied and some kind of meat sack to his hip. He didn’t respond, busying himself with unraveling some kind of rope.

“What the hell is all this?” Tiger asked, watching Josh pull a knife and slash open an organ. Liv took another step back in disgust.

“We’re escaping.” He lashed, spilling the oozing liquid from the organ onto the ground. The metal began to hiss, melting. “That’s right.” He said, taking in their shocked and confused faces. “This is day 60, not day 1, but you two,” he narrowed his eyes at Tiger and Wolf. “Won’t listen to me because you’re both. Dicks.” He spat.

“Damn.” Wolf deadpanned, raising an eyebrow.

Josh looked at Liv, backed against the wall, standing close to Wolf, looking confused. “Not you Liv, I love you. But you didn’t listen to me either.” He still sounded harsh.

“I- what?” Her voice was full of panic, confusion, relief, she wasn’t sure what to feel. The three of them watched as Josh tied a complicated knot around the big bone. When he finished, he held a hand out to Liv. “Wh- what do you want me to-“

“You coming or not?” He yelled. Her eyes widened.

“Hey-“ Wolf began sternly.

“Sorry, this is now or never. It’s a 640 foot drop and only 620 feet of this arachno-silk. If we’re all going to escape, you’ll have to swing over and climb onto a ledge and go the rest of the way down.” He explained, trying to calm his voice. He stomped on the ground he’d just poured the organ bile onto, breaking it easily. “Wall pegs are to the left.” He held up the giant bone and stepped into the hole, falling and letting the bone catch on the edges of the floor that hadn’t disintegrated

“When did you get kinda hot?” Wolf was genuinely checking Josh out.

Josh shot Wolf a glare. Liv did too. “Wolf.” She hissed. “Shut up.”

“Liv, you follow after me.” Josh still hung onto the bone.

“I still don’t know how you figured this all out in one day.” Tiger said skeptically.

“It hasn’t been one day!” Liv, Josh, and surprisingly, Wolf said in unison.

“Right, right I forgot.” Tiger muttered, putting her hands on her hips.

“Josh, go, we’ll follow you.” Wolf reassured him.

“First blood! First blood!” they could hear the roar of an audience.

“Now or never Liv, go!” Wolf yelled. Liv got down into the hole, clinging to the rope and began her descent.

“God! You’re so slow!” Tiger yelled down at her.

“Shut the hell up, Tiger!” Liv screamed up at her. Tiger swung her legs down into the hole and grabbed on and started to shimmy down too. Wolf followed.

The sound of an announcer, most likely Susan, was barely audible, but then light streamed in through the hole, which was shrinking above them.

“Hurry!” Wolf hissed. “Liv, you’re holding up the line!”

“Will you shut the fuck up?!” She hissed back. Her fingers loosened too much, and she fell. She started to scream, but felt someone latch into the back of her shirt, choking her.

“Liv?!” Josh whisper-yelled. Liv clung to the rope again looking up with wide eyes to see Tiger still holding the back of her shirt. Her head tipped back down to see Josh’s silhouette holding out his arms, fully prepared to catch her.

“I’m okay…” she rasped, shaking more than she already had been.

“Don’t do that again.” Tiger whispered, sounding shaken up herself.

Liv inched down as fast as she could, and shakily climbed down the wall pegs. Josh rushed over as soon as she touched the floor and pulled her into a bone crushing embrace. She hardly noticed because she wrapped him into a hug with the same strength. Tiger and Wolf rushed their way down too, jogging over to Liv and Josh.

“‘Kay, so what now?” Wolf asked in a low voice, head on a swivel at high alert.

“I think those Time Cops have TTDs, if we can swipe one from one of them-“ Josh began to explain, still holding onto Liv.

Tiger perked up and placed a finger to her lips as her eyes narrowed and she listened. They were still in the elevator shaft, but the hall that stretched in front of them and footsteps faintly echoing down it. Tiger motioned for everyone to quietly follow her. She flattened herself against the wall, so naturally, Wolf, Liv, and Josh followed.

“They couldn’t have gone that far.” A voice said. Time Cop probably. In the faint light of the tunnel, Tiger’s eyes lit up.

“We need a distraction.” She whispered.

Wolf pushed off the wall and nodded. “On it.” He muttered, stalking away. The shadows of two Time Cops casted on the wall, they were getting closer and closer to turning the corner. Tiger shooed Liv and Josh into an adjoining hall as she ducked into the shadows.

He leaned against the wall casually, as if he were always down there lounging about. The Time Cops rounded the corner, immediately freezing when they saw him.

“You!” One cop, a woman, shouted pointing at him and grabbing the holster on her belt.

“Hey.” Wolf drawled, unphased, pushing off the wall and strolling towards them.

The other cop, her partner probably, put a hand on his holster too. “Freeze!” He commanded. “Where are your companions?”

Wolf ignored them. They both drew their weapons. Wolf made a show of putting his hands up, but with swagger, leaning on the wall again, right in front of both the cops, who they could now see Wolf towered over. The cops looked shocked, flustered even. He made a show of looking behind him, and shrugging.

“Haven’t seen them.” He spoke in a gravelly voice.

“You two, don’t move.” Tiger’s whisper was barely audible. She stalked away from the wall, hiding in the shadows. Josh and Liv anxiously obeyed, both sweating profusely from the stress.

“Wolf, what are you doing?” Josh’s brain was screaming.

“You need to come with us.” The woman cop demanded, drawing her blaster.

“Who, me?” Wolf asked innocently, giving her a dark, flirtatious look.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.” Liv breathed out quietly. Tiger crept through the shadows towards the very distracted cops, like a snake sneaking up on its prey. The woman was visibly flustered by Wolf.

“Officer Witherspoon!” Hissed her partner, elbowing her in the ribs.

“No, no, it’s alright. I have that effect on people.” Wolf winked, but not at the woman, Officer Witherspoon, over her shoulder to Tiger.

The Time Cops didn’t know what had hit them when Tiger pounced on them both. In a flash, Tiger had smashed the man’s head against the wall and rendered him unconscious. Officer Witherspoon tried to fire off several shots from her weapon, but was quickly decked in the face. She crumpled to the ground, groaning.

“So sorry, ma’am. You are very beautiful, if that helps.” Wolf stooped down over her, yanking an old timey pocket watch hanging from her hip. Clearly fighting unconsciousness, Officer Witherspoon made a clumsy reach for her TTD, but Wolf quickly swiped it out of her grasp. “TTD acquired.” Wolf gloated.

Liv and Josh rounded the corner, nervously looking over the two cops’ bodies. “They’re out cold, we’re fine.” Tiger reassured, taking the pocket watch from Wolf’s hands. “I got this.”

“Where are we going?” Liv asked.

“When are we going?” Wolf corrected her.

“Wolf.” Tiger grumbled through her teeth. “Not the time. Please. Just- just let me…” she trailed off, popping the gold top of the watch, looking confused and angry down at the watch’s clock face. “This is such a horrible design, I have no idea-“