#funnyrecipes

Mah mise is mah muse...

Ingredients: 1/2 cup 50% butter/50% olive oil. Heart attack blend. 6-8 minced toes of garlic. Or 1 whole foot. 2 large yellow onions, diced. I’m not crying. You’re crying. 2 roasted red bell peppers and 1 roasted jalapeno, peeled and chopped. 1 bottle dry red wine. 1 cup for sauce, I cup to get sauced. 2 tbsp Balsamic glaze For sweetness, sweetness. 10 cups crushed tomatoes. Crushed like my dreams. A bunch of sacrificial basil, stems and all. 2 tsp crushed fennel seed. You can omit, but I would object. Crushed red pepper, to taste and sensibilities. Mo hotta, I say. Salt and Peppa. Is here. In full effect.

Slowly sweat the onions in the fatness. Sweat, like you are asking them an embarrassing question. Outside. In Texas. June-ish. They shouldn’t caramelize, just become super pale and soft. Like a Midwesterner in February.

Next, add the garlic and seasonings. Let the fat do its work. Get some garlic aromatherapy. 

Next comes the roasted peppers and balsamic glaze. I use the balsamic glaze and peppers to add the sweetness instead of sugar or tomato paste. That’s the way I roll, bruh. 

Now add the 1 cup reserved wine and let the heat cook out the alcohol like your overtaxed, engorged liver is currently attempting. A few minutes should be ok*. Unlike your digestive system. That’s about 1 oz/80 proof/hr *Actual title of sex tape.