#fuckyouof

Sometimes I dream about him and it’s fine.  Other times...it’s tough.

OF, I told you not to come back.  It was fine for awhile, but you came back again.  This time, we were closer than ever.  I think you’re gaining more confidence when you visit nowadays...you must be able to see me undetected.

Who am I kidding.  I know it’s just my mind fucking with me.  It’s not actually you...that’s impossible.  

Then why do I feel like you’ve been there?  Why do I wake up crying because I saw you?  I don’t even remember what the dream was about this time, but I know you were there.  I felt you.  I sensed you.  You were there...and it was so good to see you.

Fuck.  I miss you.  So much.  So much it hurts.  

Doesn’t help that hormones are rampant this week so it just hurts more.

Damn it.  It doesn’t help that I both dread and look forward to seeing you, and I wish I could handle this better.

I’m coming out of it, still feeling some of the residual feelings.  This too shall pass.  I guess I’m just going to have to get used to this.

You’re just not going away.  I need you to, but you don’t want to.

Just leave me alone.  Please.  Quit visiting me, quit paying attention to me.  You’re the one that left me, why are you making trouble now?

Stop teasing me and making me believe you still give a shit.  I know you don’t, so quit.  

It just makes me upset and cry...like right now...just go away.  I hate you.  I wish you’d die.  Just fucking die.

GO AWAY.  LEAVE ME ALONE AND QUIT HAUNTING ME.

Go away...just leave me alone...I never want to see you again.  Go have your little family that you’ve always wanted and leave me out of it.  Be an angel to someone else and haunt me no more.

I’m sorry.  You brought this on yourself.  You don’t get to return because you feel guilty.  It’s just like before, always sneaking around trying to talk to me.  Don’t bring this shit up again.  End it now and go away.

Just when I think I’m through...”yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed.”