Collab with the coolest @togreblog (enjoy lol this is an angsty one). Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Cassian nearly flattened Nesta against the side of the mountain when he landed on her perch. There was barely enough room for both of them pressed together, and she had to disappear her wings so he had room to balance them against the rock behind her.
Their chests were pressed together, and for two seconds of silence Nesta wondered what heâd be the most angry about. What heâd prioritize over everything else. Her leaving in the middle of a conversation? Ignoring his point about mates? Running away, as usual, from anything serious and having to do with her?
âThat was so dangerous,â he exploded, his face inches from hers and his voice making her head jerk back into the mountain wall behind her. âGods, Nesta, youâve barely had wings two weeks and youâre just going jumping off roofs? Do you have any idea how stupid ââ
âLeave me alone,â she said. Though she had every intention of snapping at him, it was the weakness of her voice that surprised them both into silence.
âI wasnât finished talking,â he said, more gently this time. âWhy did you just leave?â
She looked up at Cassian, with his sharp jawline and shining eyes and beautiful hair. His wings were out on either side of them, keeping them pressed to the wall, but his arms were also braced on either side of her shoulders. He wasnât going to let her fall. She was stunned that he cared so much about her.
But if she was to tell him about the bondâŚsurely he wouldnât want her. She knew she wasnât lovable like Elain or a warrior like Feyre. She wasnât a queen like Mor. She was a rather plain elder sister, who let her youngest do the work to keep them all alive. And, she remembered, Cassian knew that. Heâd known the day they went to Spring to rescue Lucien â practically told her she was at fault. It wasnât an easy burden to bear, but it was easier knowing the bond aligned them.
As soon as she didnât have thatâŚas soon as he found out and rejected herâŚ
âNesta,â he said again. âWhatâs going on?â
âYou scared me,â she offered, not even sure where she was going with the thought but trying, for the sake of her heart, to tell as much truth as possible to her mate.
He looked stung. She didnât know why. She could barely remember what he was saying in the moment she panicked.
âThey make me feel like Iâll be alone forever.â
Cassianâs eyes turned so unbelievably sad that Nesta wrapped her fingers around one of his wrists beside her head.
âI felt like that,â he said, âbefore I met Rhys and Azriel. Mor did, too, before she had us. I promise it gets better.â
She instantly felt bad; her life had been so short in comparison. Heâd likely been alone longer than sheâd been alive. And she even had happy memories from her childhood, to a point.
âAnd, you know, Feyre and Rhys are the exception. You know how much I want what they have? Theyâre everything for each other. Iâve never seen him so whole â does that even make sense?â
She nodded, and though his eyes never left her face he barely paused for her to agree.
âThey talk down the bond and spend weeks in the cabin and there is no doubt, none, in their minds that they want each other. Can you imagine trusting someone that much? Loving someone that much?â
Nesta thought she might combust. He wanted trust and love and a mate, and all he had was her.
âSomeone would always want you,â he said, his voice so sincere it made her heart hurt. âBut, Nes, not everyone gets that. And you can still love someone just as much, even if you donât have a mate ââ
âI do,â she said, the words jumping from her mouth of their own accord, her face whitening before she even realized what sheâd said.
They stared at each other.
âAlready?â
She nodded once, her eyes welling inexplicably. And he would ask who, now. He would have to know. And she would lose him.
He only looked bewildered. âThen what are you so afraid of? You wonât be alone forever! The Cauldron assigned someone to you.â
Now she was shaking her head, eyes closed, trying desperately to keep herself from crying.
âSweetheartâŚâ
âHe doesnât want me,â she said. âHe couldnât love me.â
âYouâve told him? He said that?â Cassianâs forearm flexed under her hand. âWho was it? Someone in our court? Azriel? Oh Gods, was it Tamlin?â
She shook her head harder. âI havenât.â
âThen how do you know?â he asked, his tone exasperated.
âBecause itâs you,â she snapped, opening her eyes and pressing her palms against his shoulders to move his face away from hers. Two tears dropped onto her cheeks as if heâd already rejected her.
The force of her hands gripping his shoulders combined with the force of the mating bond surging to life in his mind, and with his balance thrown off just enough, Cassian and Nesta toppled off the edge of the cliff.
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By the time Feyre walks into her astronomy class just after sunset on the first day of classes, sheâs entirely ready to lie down on one of the fluffy yellow floor pillows and sleep through the lecture.
But as soon as she enters the room, she knows sheâs in for no such luck.
âFeyre, darling,â he purrs, pushing himself off the wall heâd been leaning on like he was waiting for her. âWhere would you like to sit?â
Barely concealing a roll of her eyes, she walks to the back corner of the room and drops her bag down beside a pillow. Not even a yellow one, she realizes in rueful retrospect.
âYou look exhausted,â Rhys comments.
Feyre isnât sure if heâs teasing her or actually concerned, so she sits down and tells herself to take him as seriously as she would any of Morâs friends. âDouble potions through lunch and defense against the dark arts all afternoon. And I already have two chapters of reading that I tried to fit into a half hour of dinner. Itâs supposed to be syllabus week.â
Rhys, on a deep green pillow beside her, nods sympathetically. âI know. Double defense for me, but I had the afternoon off. Lucky.â
Professor Suri closes the door and the class, with several years of experience, silences immediately. Feyre lies back on her pillow to gaze up at the starry ceiling and hears Rhys do the same beside her.
Suri dives into her usual speech about astronomy as a science, not a study of astrological signs (and when she sighs, the whole class has the timing memorized well enough to sigh along with her). She notes muggle advancements in the field and follows with the wizarding ones, though everyone has heard this before.
Feyre glances at Rhys, expecting him to be visibly bored or asleep. Instead, heâs studying the constellation over their head. The ceiling is enchanted to show the sky directly over them, though it would be impossible to see all these stars outside with only their eyes.
âWhat are you looking at?â she asks, if only because sleeping would give him a reason to tease her and Suriâs speech wasnât even interesting the first time she heard it.
âThe stars,â he says, like itâs obvious. When she rolls her eyes, he smirks. âIâm trying to find my zodiac sign, since she says astronomy isnât about that.â
âWhat are you?â
âAries.â
Feyre scans the enhanced sky but quickly realizes that no constellation is close to being obvious enough for her to pick it out. She looks back at him to find him staring at her. âWhat?â
âWell?â
âI canât find it.â
âI asked you what your sign is,â he said, eyes shining with amusement.
She feels a blush on her face at having searched for Aries so intently that she didnât even hear him. âIâm a Libra.â
âCharming and indecisive?â
âMostly just charming.â
He laughs out loud, and Suri gives them a sharp look.
âSorry,â Feyre whispers. âHow did you just spit out two traits of a random sign? Why do you know so much about astrology? Itâs fake.â
Rhys looks scandalized. âSometimes itâs real. And itâs always fun, darling.â
âDonât call me that.â
âCharming,â he says.
Itâs lucky that Suri gives them an assignment then, because Feyre wouldnât have had a comeback.
(au note - Feyre really does not strike me as a Sag or a Capricorn so I took some liberties. If you hate it please write a scathing review so more people read this)
fuckyeahazriel respondeu ao seu link. âI CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THE KINGKILLER CHRONICLE IS A FUCKING TRILOGY...â
@fuckyeahazriel itâs fucking amazing, for sure! i was insane when i finished it and it didnât has a ending and i just couldnât find the third! but i love you again, i was just so fucking crazy bc this shit is fucking amazing