#fuckml

A perfect summary of how today is going.

Also trigger warning for a my teen angst emo blah it Mormonism, God, what happens when we die, why not kill myself, what even is the point, humanity in general as this toxic driving force ruining everything it touches including itself The last conversation I had with Ron, he said most things in our relationship were a lie, the only truth is that he loved me, which makes no sense, because lying about stuff on purpose is not what you do out of love, and he couldn't tell me which parts were lies and which weren't. In the conversation the night before when he called me, he said he was missing something in his life and he wasn't over me, but when we talked again, he insulted me. He said he didn't want to talk to me because I can't get over him, and I'm fantasizing about him. Then he also asked if I'd be his friend, and when I said no, he seemed indifferent. And everything just doesn't make sense about it... The suddenness, the constant contradicting, I don't know what's real. Jenna telling me I'm selfish, self-absorbed, only care about myself, am entitled. She said I expect people to deal with my illness and get mad when they don't, and that's why Ron left me and I had no right to say he just walked out. Literally... She was starting this fight after the night we spent together on Saturday. She went home with her boyfriend and got high while I was helping a homeless guy and didn't get home until 4am because I always carry a care package in case I see one, and my friend told him we'd take him to a hotel, and today is day 37 of not purging and I don't understand why she sees me that way or if I am that way and I'm just excusing myself? A lot of people who I think are interested in me are just interested in having sex with me, and I don't understand, because I'm a person. I have thoughts and value, and I'm not really model material like why don't people just want to be friends with me instead of wanting to sext and nothing else