#fuccccccccck

tl;dr: it goin.

me, late 2020: oh hey let's dig up those ancient drafts i had for that one untitled sci-fi/cyberpunk project. wow thats fucking dusty but man my girl A. deserves to be known by the world and i need a distraction from various work/life shit. what can go wrong right?

me, early 2021: what the fuck. enri from circa 2012 you were NOT cooking. and DUDE you did poor A. so dirty! thankfully me from 2021 can fix it all as it's nothing. that's surely possible after eight or nine year break from writing. on the account of me being once critically acclaimed author (two of my acquaintances liked my stuff).

me, early 2022: okay i have a very rough outline and a ~vision~. it'll be a relatively short novel, only about 10 chapters or so. 15 tops. 120,000 words, maybe 150,000. there'd be occasional angst and some speckles of fucked up shit, but it's gonna be pretty lighthearted in general. not saying the ending is truly happy, but it's not bad either.

me, late 2022: fuck yeah FUCK YEAH it's all coming together i am genius and my friends liked that one short story set in the same universe :) THEY LIKED A. TOO I AM GOD OF WRITING

me, early 2023: enri from 2022 had a massive skill issue and we're scraping almost everything that dumbass thought to be actually good. also no way it's gonna be 150,000 words or 15 chapters, i'm already at those numbers and it's not even a half of what i have to say. also hey. sorry to break it to you but A. needs more depth. and your MC is pathetically bland. like i understand that initially the guy had nothing but his name and what, two lines of brief description? whatever. that's not how we work. go and write at least 5 short stories about his past. and 5 more about A.'s daily life and such. yeah yeah put them in situations. more. more. MORE.

me, mid-2023: please stop putting these guys in situations. this is getting out of hand. please go back to the main story. your stupid little sketchy comics won't do it. you're writing a novel. for fucks sake just get back to writing the main thing. no more side stories. and it's just me or the whole thing gotten much darker lately? nah. impossible. there's even more jokes now. whats gallows humor.

my proofreader: hey and what if [redacted] ended up a traitor?

me: BRO NO. WHAT. NO.

me (hours later, smoking on the balcony): damn that would actually slap... FINE, new canon accepted. aw shit, the ending is definitely far from happy now.

me, early 2024: so. good news: MC and A. both are fucking clowns now. unhinged little shits. cringefail disastrous assholes. i am very normal about them both. bad news: there's so much to rewrite it's killing me. i am constantly rolling that stupid rock and to no avail. this is version 12 or maybe 16 or maybe 82728384 of the first three chapters. i stopped keeping count on 9th. this is hell. the light in my eyes is fading just as it had faded in the story itself. one day i'll be free. one day i'll submit the first chapter to my proofreader again.