#ftwdfanfic

Troy likes to watch you masturbate. He will sit on a chair nearby or on the edge of the bed and make notes, describing what you do to yourself and how it makes your body respond and the different sounds it coaxes out of you. He’ll time you. He will note down the length and intensity of each orgasm.

Then he will use this information to see if he can make you go longer, moan louder and your body shake harder. He keeps record of his own “personal bests” and nothing turns him on more than “interviewing” you after each round. Prodding you for more information, more in depth descriptions of what you felt and what you did until your face is red and your chest heaving.

Afterward he places the pencil in-between the pages and snaps it shut. The sound always makes you flinch because you know you’re in for another round.

“Let’s try it this way…”

Troy has you sat with your back on his chest, his arms pinning your hands to your chest as your legs are hooked over his knees so he can keep you spread while Nick eats you hungrily, hands grabbing and squeezing your thighs as they keep you from being able to move as you hit your limit over and over and over…

You don’t say anything, you just keep watching until he clears his throat as if a little unsure of himself.

“You came alone?” he asks.

You could have kicked yourself. Coming alone had been a risk but now that he was here, in the middle of nowhere, and no one knew where you’d gone, you realised how vulnerable you’d left yourself.

“For now,” you answered him flatly. At least if you were vague about whether you had people with you it might make him have second thoughts if he was planning anything…

The boy waits a beat before trying again.

“I guess you felt it too then…”

You don’t want to say the words out loud so you simply nod your head. The boy, Nick, continues.

“I thought I was going crazy at first. I never thought I’d find my… find you. Feel it, you know?”

You frown at this. Everyone worries they’ll never find their soulmate but something in his voice captures your attention. It’s less that he’s worried about the odds and more… something you can’t quite distinguish.

“Why?” you ask.

Nick hesitated before shrugging a little.

“That’s a… it doesn’t matter. What matters now is that I found you. It feels… weird. Don’t you think?”

Perhaps if you hadn’t already had the experience with Troy you would agree. But you didn’t want him to know that Troy was your soulmate and so you don’t answer his question.

“Look I came here to warn you. Some of the people from my community are coming back tonight to finish what they started. You need to tell your people to run.”

Nick frowns at this information.

“We agreed to a truce-“

You shake your head in annoyance. You don’t want to explain all this. You want him to just listen to your warning and leave so you can forget about whatever this mistake is between you both and go home, go back to Troy.

“They’re acting of their own accord. Some of the men have certain… loyalties. This isn’t about protecting their home, it’s about revenge.”

Nick is watching you closely now and you don’t like the way his eyes are roaming over you. You freeze. You wonder if he can feel your emotions just like you can with Troy. You reach out in the same way you do with Troy and try to find Nick, to feel what he feels… there’s nothing. Just the regular sense of The Pull.

“You’re warning me because of this feeling between us? You came looking for me because of it.”

You shake your head growing more frustrated as all you want to do is head back before Mike and the others see you out here.

“I don’t have time to explain myself. You have to get your people and go far away from here. Don’t come back.”

Nick’s eyes widen as he realises you have no intention of staying with him.

“But… you have to come with me. When I left earlier, after I saw you, it felt like my heart was being-“

“It doesn’t matter.” You say quickly, all too familiar with that pain. “I can’t come. I won’t go with you. But I don’t want you to die either so, please, leave.”

Nick is staring at you incredulously.

“I can’t do that.”

You actually growl from your frustration with him.

“Why!?”

“Because,” Nick says as he steps closer. You take a large step away from him. You can’t risk him getting too close, having him touch you. You don’t know what will happen.

“I just found you. I can’t walk away!” he continues.

“Then run! Drive! Fucking skip for all I care! If you stay, you die. Not that I care-“

“That’s a lie.” Nick cuts you off quickly. “Soulmates need each other. Hearts literally break when they lose one another. So why… why are you denying this?”

You swallow nervously and look at the truck. You could just get back in and drive away, but what if he follows? You have a feeling he would. He seems the type. Reckless and stubborn.

“I… it’s complicated.”

You say, and you hate how pathetic that sounds.

“‘It’s Complicated’ used to be a Facebook status.” Nick quips. “Tell me the truth. Why run from me?”

“I’m not!”

“Then what are you running from!? Or… wait… what are you going back to?”

You clench your jaw as Nick slowly starts to put the pieces together in his head.

“You have someone-“

“No.”

“A boyfriend? Fiancé?”

“No! No one!”

“Your home then, your community. You’re worried this would cause a problem. Conflict? But maybe it could help solve the bad blood between us! Two soulmates who find each other on opposites sides-“

“This isn’t bloody Romeo and Juliet, Nick!”

He grins and it makes you want to slap the beautiful smile off his face.

“You’re hardly Juliet sweetheart.”

You snarl, your anger beginning to erupt. Why won’t he just listen! Why make this so complicated!

“Whatever! Just get in your car and drive away Romeo!”

Nick laughs and it’s almost like he’s enjoying this.

“Oh the universe is truly a bitch. I didn’t think I’d find my soulmate because I didn’t deserve one. But maybe I do. It’s ironic that she would hate me, a poetic kind of punishment I guess…”

Your expression eases but doesn’t soften as you listen to him ramble. Hate? You didn’t hate him…

“Why would you be punished?” you ask, your senses on alert in case this was the part where he confesses to being a serial killer or something.

Nick shrugs again.

“If you got to know me, you’d understand.”

You shake your head again with a weary sigh.

“You don’t listen do you.”

Nick steps forward again and this time the light moves so he’s back in the shadows with you.

“I could… but you’d need to actually tell me something for me to hear it. Something besides “run away” because that isn’t happening.”

You swear at him and he smirks.

“We don’t have time. Your people will be killed.”

Nick rubs his hand over the back of his neck and it finally seems to dawn on him, he has other responsibilities. Other people to protect.

“When are your people attacking?”

“They’re leaving the ranch around midnight, so probably by the early hours of the morning. Before sunrise though.”

“Element of surprise, cover of darkness. They’re smart.”

“And well armed. So will you listen to me now?”

Nick stares at you for a few seconds and you almost believe he’d let his people risk being slaughtered instead of going back to warn them.

“Fine.”

You blink at him.

“Fine?”

“That’s what I said. I’ll go back. I’ll warn them.”

“And you’ll run? You can’t fight back, it’ll be a bloodbath.”

“Look I can’t promise anything… we have some stubborn members of our group and they might not take the truce being broken well-“

“The truce isn’t broken. It’s just a small group-“

“Still breaking the truce. Still disobeying your leader, right?”

You bite your tongue. Jeremiah wasn’t their “leader” officially but he was as good as.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. So what? You’ll go back and they’ll try to defend themselves?”

Nick shrugs again.

“If they think it’s more beneficial than running.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose.

“I’m getting a damn headache.”

For some reason this amuses Nick.

“Head rub?”

Your look at him is deadly and he sniggers.

“Joking. Lighten up. Look, I’ll go back and do what I can to stop anymore death. But I can’t promise anything. We lost people. The guy who was in charge came at us like a demon. We didn’t stand a chance…”

Your stomach twists as Nick talks about Troy.

“You want revenge?”

Nick’s expression blanks out and you recognise the perfectly controlled mask on his face. You’d used it yourself before.

“Me? No. But there are those who do.”

“Then convince them their lives aren’t worth it. Tonight is not their night to die. Please… no more death.”

Your voice breaks as you finish your sentence and Nick tilts his head at you. You look away, hating that you’d let some vulnerability slip through.

“Who’d you lose?”

You take a slow breath and shake your head.

“Doesn’t matter. Just… do what you can. And if you can’t save them… save yourself at least.”

Nick looks like he wants to say more. He looks pained.

“Can I… see you again?”

It’s almost laughable. Like a schoolboy asking out his crush. You place your hand on the door of the truck and grip it tight as you give him a firm “no” and turn away before you can see the look on his face.

You slide into your truck and slam the door, locking it before turning in the engine. This was for the best. You didn’t know what else to do. There had been some mistake and maybe Nick had another soulmate out there somewhere too? You hoped so… you didn’t want him to be in pain.

You hear a tap at the window and you look over to see Nick still standing there, motioning for you to wind it down. You do, only a few inches so you can hear him speak.

Nick pauses as he looks you over before speaking.

“It’s him, isn’t it.”

You frown and Nick elaborates.

“The guy who attacked us. The one who was hurt. He’s why you won’t stay with me.”

You feel your stomach drop. Your hands clench on the wheel as you grit your teeth.

“His name is Troy.”

“Troy…” Nick repeats and you hear the sadness and disappointment in his voice. “Well, you must love him a lot to choose him over your soulmate.”

You avoid his eyes still and stare straight ahead until the light from his car burns your eyes.

Nick continues.

“… I hope he makes it, for your sake. And… I want you to know it wasn’t me. I didn’t hurt him.”

You nod, not that it would have mattered. As much as you loved Troy you could understand he’d made a choice that led to his own injuries. Even if he’d done it to protect you… you hated that the blood that had been spilt was on your hands too now.

“I have to go,” you say emptily and put the truck into reverse.

Nick steps back just in time to save his foot being run over as you reverse and turn, glancing back to see his shadow in the headlights as you drive back home. Back to Troy. Back to where your heart felt complete as you tried to ignore how it felt as if you’d just left a piece of it in the darkness behind you…

It had started when you’d left the remains of San Diego with nothing but the clothes on your back and the supplies you’d managed to scavange in your backpack. At first you’d thought little of it until you noticed when you headed in a certain direction the feeling seemed to grow stronger.

It had been with shock that you realised it was more than just the grief of all you’d lost, the fear of the dead and the unknown stretched out before you. It was it. The Pull. That was when the dreams started.

Everyone knew about the Pull and you were glad there was no one to berate you for how slow you’d been to realise what it meant.

That your soulmate, whoever they may be, was close.

You’d wandered with nothing but the feeling in your chest to guide you, moving in an easterly direction as you rose with the sun each morning and slept when it had disappeared beyond the horizon at your back at night. There was one morning when you had woken to feel nothing, and it had left you clawing at your skin, painfully aware of the hollowness within you that came with the loss of the Pull.

You’d lain down and grieved again that day. You remembered the lessons you’d been given about soulmate’s, what it meant to be one of the few lucky enough to find their match… and what it meant to be one of the many who never would.

At the start of the rise of the dead you’d witnessed the survivors around you randomly crumple over with an agonising pain, searing so deeply it felt like their hearts were broke in two. This pain… it was how you knew your soulmate was dead.

So as you lay there with your eyes closed against the morning light, you tried to reach inside and find the cord that tied you to someone you’d never met, never known and never would, you waited for the pain.

But it never came.

Once the sun was at its highest point in the sky and you were just beginning to consider retracing your steps back toward the ruins of San Diego - since there was nothing for you here other than sunscorched grass and hopelessness - that it hit you like a punch to the chest. An invisable hand reached between your ribs and pulled. The feeling was strong enough that you felt physically lifted to your feet.

Ignoring the worn state of your boots that were on the verge of falling apart, your tired and aching mucles began to scream at you; but not in resistance of your movement, instead your body urged you on.

You moved as quickly as you could, stumbling over dry earth and crumbling rock. The Pull kept you going, driving you further east. You pulled the map from your bag, stopping even as your feet ached and screamed at you.

Go, you’re so close…

Your head began to swim as you tried to fix your eyes on the lines printed on the page in front of you. You’d marked off your route, making note of any landmarks you passed to keep track of your journey. But as another feeling overtook the one that had been propelling you onward you looked toward the sky and realised just how low the sun had fallen.

It was almost night and your mouth was dry as the paper in your hands. You panicked, realising you’d neither eaten or had anything to drink as you licked your chapped lips and tasted the salt of your sweat soaked skin.

The last remnants of your water disappeared all too quickly as your legs finally collapsed and you hit the ground hard.

That was when you heard it. The low rumble of an engine in the distance. A set of lights appeared and lit the ground around you. You were closer to a road than you’d realised as a truck rolled to a slow stop nearby.

The feeling in your chest tightened. You could barely breath as a door opened and boots hit the ground, sending up a swirl of dust and dirt around legs clad in military gear.

You tried to stand but your head swam even more, the very ground beneath you seemed to lurch upward as your eyes travelled over the oncoming man.

He was tall, the light of his truck illuminated a mess of slightly curled hair and cast shadows over his face. As he moved closer and you collapsed back on the ground, the dry grass scratching at the exposed skin on the nape of your neck, you felt the pull of the bond finally give out as if a spring pulled taught had finally been released. You felt it pass through your entire body, a feeling of relief like when you woke after a deep sleep, stretching out the sleepiness from your muscles as the blood pumped and flowed.

The man, who had been holding a rifle in front of his face as he glanced around into the darkness, gasped. He said something then, but your ears were muffled by the sound of rushing water.

Before the dizziness swallowed you up and you fell into utter darkness you felt the smile stretch across your face. You tried to speak but your dry throat could only groan.

You didn’t see the way the man lowered his gun and stepped closer, his eyes fixing on the rise and fall of your chest. You were breathing slightly too fast and the signs of exposure were obvious on your skin. He heard footsteps behind him and gestured for one of his men to go to you as he took a step back and observed the girl he’d been dreaming of for weeks.

“Troy, we need to get her back to the ranch if she’s got a chance in hell of waking up.”

Troy made a sound in his throat, an affirmation, as the other man lifted the girl with ease and moved her onto the backseat of Troy’s truck.

He could now observe her more closely in the light. She was thin, long limbs covered by filthy clothes. He wondered how long she had been wandering. Had she felt it too? The never-ending ache in his chest had left him searching the wilderness day after day under the guise of searching for supplies or defending the perimeter from the dead, or those who saught to take what they had.

Once his eyes had settled on her face and he’d known it was her it was like the need in his body, as strong as a need for water after a long day working in the sun, bled from him completely and he felt whole.

So why, as he stared at the unconsious woman from the front seat of his truck, did he feel so…

Disappointed.

"I'm not going to pounce on you, don't worry." You say teasingly.

Troy scowls slightly, but its the cute scowl that tells you he's not actually mad.

"I don't know, this could all be part of a ruse to steal my virtue." Troy says mockingly as you laugh. He grabs your hand and leads you upstairs.

The house is dark but still warmly inviting with the sun streaming in through the windows. You end up on the top floor and Troy opens a door and ushers you inside.

It's a large size for a bedroom, more like a studio really. There's the usual dresser and mirror with an old shirt tossed over it. A leather couch and matching chair sit at the foot of his bed. It was all very... brown. With reds, greens and oranges thrown in. It felt like Troy.

You took a deep breath and smiled. It smelt like him too.

"Cosy."

You say as Troy stands by the door, one hand still on the handle as if he's unsure if he should close it or not. You give him a small nod, realising he is waiting for permission to shut you both in. The door closes with a soft click and the tension that was in the air before immediately changes to something... else.

You take a small step further in, toward the bed, then you realise how it might look and change direction to the couch. You take a seat, perching on the edge and look around. The room is quite neat without looking like it hasn't been lived in.

"It's nice. Much nicer than my bunk."

Troy, who has stepped into the room to lean against his dresser, shifts a little uncomfortably.

"I didn't mean anything by that..." You add quickly. "I was just saying... you have a nice home."

Troy takes a look around, his brow furrowing as if taking everything in for the first time.

"I guess..." He says slowly.

You sigh and lean back into the couch. It's worn, a little lumpy, but comfortable enough.

"I'm trying to picture you growing up here. Was this always your room?"

Troy's arms are crossed over his chest and his feet are kicking at a folded section of the rug.

"As long as I can remember." He says flatly.

Your hands press along the cool leather fabric. There was something off about him, he was giving off the energy of an animal trapped in a cage.

"Hey," You say softly and raise a hand to beckon him over to you, "come sit with me."

Troy's eyes fix on your hand before he crosses the room in just a few short strides, placing hisnpalm in yours as you slide over to give him space to join you. When he sits he mimics your posture, head leaning back on the edge of the couch to take in the slowly turning fan on his ceiling with arms relaxed at his sides.

Except for the hands which are intertwined with each other.

The tension seems to ease a little and you smile at nothing in particular.

"I had a great day today." You say quietly.

Troy smirks, "You're very easily impressed then."

"And aren't you lucky." You tease back.

Troy, usually so quick-witted, takes a second to realise your implication. His foot nudges yours as if to reprimand you. You chuckle and nudge him back, slightly harder.

"I'm not playing footsies with you. We are sophisticated adults." Troy tells you firmly as you grin.

You jab him in the ribs with your elbow and laugh.

"Speak for yourself!"

His eyes slide to you, darkening with the promise of retribution.

"Oh? That how your gonna be?"

You raise your free hand in a mock surrender.

"Wait... okay I won't-"

Your own ribs come under a sudden ambush of that most devious and dreaded attack, the tickles. You shriek, trying to lean away and escape as Troy uses your joined hands to hold you where you are.

"Surrender! I surrender god damn it!"

Troy sits back, victorious.

"Dirty move." You glare.

Troy gives you a grin that makes your stomach flip.

"There's no reward for fair fighting if you're on the losing team." Troy tells you, and its something in his voice that makes you think of Jeremiah. It sounded exactly like something the man would say to his son.

You were about to try and bring his father up when a sudden knock on Troy's door has you both frozen for a moment until Troy pulls you up by the hand, gesturing for you to be quiet and pulls you to stand beside the door where you'd be hidden once it was open.

You scowl a little at having to hide like this but if it meant avoiding Jeremiah than you could live with it for now.

Troy opens the door and you're able to see the way his shoulders relax.

"Jake." He greets.

"I was hoping to speak to you for a moment. We've got a problem with some of the dead caught up in our fences."

Troy sighs.

"Get Coop to handle it."

"Coop's on watch. Dad asked for you to deal with it. It's your responsibility - his words, not mine." Jake added quickly at the end.

Behind the door you silently roll your eyes. Jeremiah would find any reason to keep you and Troy separate as much as he could.

"Fine. Just... give me a minute."

Jake speaks up again as Troy goes to shut the door.

"I can walk her back to the bunkhouse, if you'd like."

You go very still as Troy glares at his brother. You can hear the supressed laughter in Jake's voice.

"Come on, little brother. You're too old to be sneaking girls into your room."

You smile to yourself before popping your head under Troy's arm and around the door.

"Hi Jake!" You smile, always genuinely pleased to see him.

He smiles back at you and quirks an eyebrow at Troy.

"I'd say you've got less than ten minutes until Dad gets back. Maybe go round the back way... see you out front."

You wave goodbye as Troy huffs. Troy escorts you from his room and you feel disappointed to be leaving. It was comforting there. Troy does indeed take you out through the back way and around the side of the house where Jake is waiting with his hands in his pockets, trying not to grin at you.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." Troy tells you, and you get the feeling you're being handed over to Jake like a child.

"You know I can walk back to the bunk by myself. Or even around the ranch! I don't need an escort all the time."

Troy looks a little embarrassed.

"I know. I just wanted to make sure you're okay, especially after..."

"We didn't mean to offend you," Jake adds. "But I'd enjoy the walk with you and one last check up would put my mind at rest with how you're recovering."

"Fine." You agree, knowing it was just an excuse to put Troy's mind at ease.

As Troy heads toward the source of the problem Jake keeps a steady pace at your side and begins to speak.

"So, how are you feeling now?"

"Actually quite a bit better today," you say honestly. "It's nice to be normal for a while."

Jake nods understandingly.

"That's good. I was getting worried about you being stuck in that bunkhouse for days."

You smile thinly, remembering how comfortable Troy's room was compared to your living arrangements.

"You don't need to worry. I'm feeling much stronger."

Jake pauses for a few moments and even though you don't share a connection that links your feelings you can still tell from his face he is contemplating asking you something. You smile at him.

"You know you really need to work on your poker face."

Jake looks at you, confused.

"What's up Jake?" You ask, making it clear you could read him like a book.

Again he hesitates, running his hand over his head just like Troy tends to do when thinking.

"I was just wondering how things are going... between you and Troy."

You feel your heart skip a beat and a slight heat rise in your cheeks.

"Really? Why?"

Silently you're wondering if Troy had said something to him. Brother's talk like that, didn't they?

"I just know how... intense... it can be when you find your soulmate. I thought I'd check in, see if you needed anything."

You smile a bit more warmly and shake my head.

"I think things are going fine. Although..." You remember earlier, the way Troy had seemed to shut off from you somehow.

"Actually, I do have a question. About soulmates."

Jake waits, looking at you expectantly.

"Is it possible to... hide something. You know, from the bond. Feelings?"

Jake tilts his head as if unsure of what you mean.

"Do you mean like being able to feel each other's presence?"

You shake your head.

"No I mean... I could tell something was wrong with Troy earlier. Something he didn't want to talk about. I couldn't get a sense on how he felt."

Jake continues to look confused until his face softens.

"You know, my brother is a... complicated person. It can take a while to get used to his habits. He doesn't really open up much but just give him time."

You begin to feel frustrated, Jake clearly was missing the point. He places a hand on your shoulder and gives a comforting squeeze.

"You know people think being soulmates is easy. That you'll just connect and everything will be perfect. But it's hard. A relationship still takes time and effort. You'll learn to understand each other and soon you'll be able to read Troy the same way you read me!"

Something begins to settle in your stomach as Jake speaks and you begin to realise something. You smile and laugh a little, as if what you're about to say was just a funny joke.

"I know right... wouldn't it be great if soulmates could just... feel what the other was feeling all the time!"

Jake lets out a laugh.

"Oh yeah, that'd make things a lot easier!"

Your stomach drops but you keep the smile on your face as you reach your bunk and Jake bids you a good evening. Once inside you sit on the edge of your bed and begin to shake slightly.

It was clear that Jake had never experienced a shared emotion with his soulmate. Was this just an exception between them specifically? Perhaps influenced by her sickness and closeness to death?

Or... was the exception you and Troy. Your bond.

Was their something wrong with you.

You couldn’t help reliving those moments by his fathers desk. You had demanded Cooper take you to Jeremiah and although the man who was easily twice your size had initially refused you’d somehow managed to convince him. Perhaps it was out of some loyalty to Troy, or that he could simply see the desperation in your eyes and took pity on you, but you couldn’t stand by and let Troy take the blame for a mess you’d created.

You felt awful as you saw Mike limp away with Jake, but at least he wasn’t dead. Once you had calmed down you realised he must have seen you running from the tent and been trying to help, and you’d almost gotten him killed. Perhaps Jeremiah was right about you. You were just a burden to everyone on the ranch, including Troy, who had barely said a word to you once his father had dismissed you all from his sight.

You’d avoided looking at him when he’d taken you by the elbow and steered you through the door, down the steps and toward the bunkhouse. Thankfully the militia had dispersed those who had been drawn to the ruckus so you had no prying eyes upon you now. You’d glanced up at him as Troy signalled for Cooper to follow, unsettled by the empty expression on his face.

Your stomach dropped. His fingers around your arm became painful even though he held you gently. You dropped your eyes to the floor and remained silent as the bunkhouse came into sight.

“Cooper, I want you on watch until sunrise. Do not leave this spot, do you understand?”

Cooper stood tall, nodding as he replied with a firm, “Yes, sir.”

For a second you couldn’t breathe.

“Where are you going?” You managed to say.

Troy didn’t answer right away. In fact he didn’t even look at you. Cooper, who had a knack for pretending he had gone suddenly deaf and blind, tried to blend into the wood of the bunkhouse.

“I’ll be back tomorrow.”

You opened your mouth to speak again only to be met with a more forceful, “Tomorrow.” Before Troy turned and walked away.

You were frozen to the spot, staring after him as he disappeared into the dark. You heard Cooper clear his throat and the familiar creak of the door opening before you tore your eyes from where Troy had faded from sight and bolted inside, locking the door behind you.

You’d washed up, dumped your clothes on the floor and wrapped yourself in fresh clothes before crawling beneath your covers.

Cooper’s shadow at the door was a small comfort as you wondered what was happening now. What would they do with the body of the man you had murdered? What would they tell people?

And Jeremiah… his reaction had both surprised and confused you. You’d expected anger, for his declaration that he’d been right about letting you on the ranch being a mistake all along, but instead he’d actually reacted with what could almost have been… compassion? Oh, he’d offered no solace or comfort, but you’d seen his eyes change and his expression shift as you’d began to speak of your past with the burned man.

Your stomach clenched. Would they figure out that you were the one to cause his injuries? Or had the man already spoken of you when he’d been found in the wild?

Your thoughts wouldn’t allow you to sleep and you were still staring blankly at the wall when the sun began to rise. Outside you heard voices, Cooper was speaking to someone. You were on your feet in seconds and pulling back the bolt on the door, hoping it would be Troy making his return.

Your eyes fell on Jake and the disappointment on your face was obvious. He bid Cooper goodnight before asking if he could join you inside.

“It’s your property,” you said weakly, and stepped aside.

It was like deja vu when he closed the door behind him and took his usual seat at the table. He pulled back another chair and gestured for you to join him. You did, without comment. Dread was heavy in your heart and you only wanted to know where Troy had gone.

A terrifying thought crossed your mind. Had he sent Jake to tell you to leave?

The older brother must have seen the fear in your eyes as he leant back quickly, giving you your space.

“I’m not here to hurt you, or berate you for what happened,” he said quickly. “Troy asked me to relieve Cooper at sunrise. Since you’re awake it might be a good idea for us to talk.”

Your relief was short as anxiety made you tremble. You clenched your palms together tightly, feeling your nails digging into the skin.

“We need to understand what happened tonight. I know you spoke to my father, but we need the whole story…”

You almost couldn’t speak your mouth had gone so dry.

“Troy,” you said hoarsely, “I’ll tell Troy everything when he comes back.” He was the one you owed an explanation to. The one who, as your soulmate, would surely understand…

Jake looked at you, his expression soft and almost pitying.

“I remember what it was like, you know. The Pull. The way it consumes you entirely, makes you think you can’t breathe without your other at your side…”

You stared at the floor. Yes, there had been moments when the force that had led you here, to Troy, had stolen your ability to think straight with its intensity. But you’d assumed it was part of adjusting.

“Does it get… easier?” You asked.

Jake’s gaze shifted to the window, he looked lost in thought for a moment as a sad smile pulled at his lips.

“I wouldn’t know.”

You could have kicked yourself. Of course you knew what had happened to Jake’s soulmate. She had died mere months after they’d found each other. Jake had spent the entire time knowing he would lose her.

You couldn’t imagine knowing for certain that Troy would be taken from you. It felt like there would be nothing left inside you; you’d be a shell, a husk. Barely any better than the dead who wandered aimlessly.

Jake looked back to you, the sad smile gone.

“You can tell me, or write it down if that’s easier for you. But one way or another we need to understand… we need to know.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

As your story left your lips it was as if you were listening to someone else speak, retelling a movie they had seen or a story they’d heard on the news. You were blunt, factual. You’d been separated from your parents in the military camp, and when the bombs dropped and the fires spread they were trapped.

You didn’t tell him how you’d begged your parents to just try. To try and escape. To live. So scared they were of one dying without the other that they had chosen to stay together where they knew they’d die in each others arms.

They’d abandoned you.

No, Jake didn’t need to know that.

And so you explained how you’d walked aimlessly for days, avoiding the burned out areas and scavenging what you could to survive. You’d been at the edge of the city, unsure of where to go next when they had come upon you…

Jake listened to your story without a word. His expression was calm. Even when you’d gotten lost in the memory and been unable to stop yourself telling him how the father had held you down and told his son to “be a man”…

You could hear it in your ears as if he were standing beside you. You shivered before dropping to your knees, a wave of sickness overcoming you.

Jake was there at your side, his hands hovering but not touching. You breathed deeply as he began to count and you found his voice urging you to breath in time with him made the dizziness stop.

“Sorry… I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning…” you made the excuse.

“It’s okay. I know this is hard, but you’re safe.”

You looked up from where you were hunched on the floor, your fingertips digging into the wooden floor.

“Am I?”

Jake, the first truly kind face you’d seen for so long since this whole disaster began, carefully laid a hand on your shoulder and, when you didn’t flinch away, smiled.

“As safe as I can promise you can be in the apocalypse.”

You almost cracked a smile, especially when he continued.

“After all, as Troy’s soulmate you’re practically my sister now. I always wondered if having sister would have been… different.”

You sat back on your heels, feeling steadier but not ready to stand just yet.

“What do you mean?”

The carefully controlled expression was back and Jake shook off what he had just said.

He made himself more comfortable on the floor beside you and you knew it was back to the questions about your past.

“I need you to tell me honestly…”

Your heard skipped a beat.

“The man said he was attacked. His burns… you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

It was like a mask slipped over you, a shield between you and Jake who had just referred to you as his sister. You wanted to trust him. To believe his intentions were good, but the last time you’d put your trust in a stranger… it had led you to this.

“No,” you said.

Jake’s eyes changed, his brow knitting together as he watched you thoughtfully.

“No one would blame you.”

Really? You thought. You’d set two sleeping men on fire and run. Although you felt no guilt for it you knew it wasn’t the sort of thing normal people would have done… would they?

You could have just escaped. You could have stolen a gun and shot them as they slept… but you’d chosen to burn them.

To make them suffer.

Didn’t that make you a monster too?

“It must have happened after I escaped.”

Jake continued to watch you before nodding once. He seemed to believe you.

“Okay.”

“What about Mike?” You remembered suddenly, feeling a little guilty at having forgot the injured man.

“He confirmed what you said, and so did the other guard who should never have left you alone in the tent.” Jake said with a scowl. “He was running late to takeover watch when he saw you running. He went after you when you didn’t respond to his call and, well, I suppose it’s understandable Troy assumed what he did.”

You fidgeted with your fingers in your lap, sighing tiredly.

“I feel terrible. I’m so sorry. Will he be okay?”

Jake smiled.

“Troy could have killed him if you hadn’t stepped in. Instead, Mike just lost a pinky toe.”

You blinked before a snort of laughter escaped you. Jake did the same, looking baffled for a second at your reaction before chuckling quietly too.

“I’m sorry, that’s not funny.” You admonished yourself.

Jake shrugged, “It’s a little funny, the way he was wailing… I was scared he’d lose his foot until we got his boot off.”

This time you really did laugh. The feeling was strange, in fact you felt a little woozy, as if you were drunk. You put it down to exhaustion and hunger as your eyes began to water with a mixture of relief and amusement.

Jake let you have your moment as you wiped the moisture from your cheeks, your smile slipping as reality began to set in again.

“Will you tell people what happened to me?” You asked. You didn’t know if you could handle people’s pity. Or their judgement.

Jake shook his head.

“My father is a hard man but he understood what you told him last night. He won’t need the details. No one needs to know what happened. We’ll tell people… the man died of his injuries, he turned and you fled in a panic. With it being dark Troy thought Mike was one of the dead coming after you…”

You wrinkled your nose, unsure of the lie but grateful that Jake would cover for you.

“And Mike’s okay with that? He’s not mad at us?”

Jake shrugged.

“He’s in pretty deep shi- trouble for not being on time for guard duty. I think a little white lie will even things out.”

Jake continued when you looked unconvinced.

“He and Troy have been friends a long time. He’s seen some of the worst of my brother and still…”

Jake stopped, leaving you curious about what he meant. People had a lot of strange things to say, or not say, about your soulmate and you were beginning to think you weren’t the only one with secrets.

“Will you tell Troy?”

Jake didn’t need to ask what you meant. He scratched at his head, a habit you recognised from Troy when he was unsure, before speaking.

“I think maybe he’d be better hearing it from you. But of course if it helps, I’ll tell him whatever you need.”

You smiled, feeling genuine affection for Jake. Was this what having an older brother was supposed to feel like? Like someone really had your back.

“I don’t know about that. He seems… really mad.”

Jake’s eyes widened before he frowned.

“Troy? You think he’s mad at you?”

You nodded.

“Why wouldn’t he be? I’ve brought him nothing but trouble-“

Jake shook his head.

“Trust me. Troy isn’t mad at you.”

Jake was being annoyingly cryptic. Who else was there to blame?

You weren’t able to question him further as the door to the bunkhouse swung open and Troy suddenly appeared, standing still in a halo of soft light as the sun rose behind him.

He stared at you and Jake and you realised what an odd sight it must have been with both of you sat on the floor.

His brother lifted himself to his feet and drew himself up to his full height as he regarded Troy carefully. You’d have done the same if your legs didn’t feel like jelly beneath you.

“Brother.” Jake said oddly formally in greeting.

Troy gave a small nod of his head in return. Jake glanced back at you, where you still sat unable to take your eyes off Troy as you noticed he hadn’t yet looked directly at you.

“Perhaps we should talk first-“ Jake began before you cut him off.

“No,” you pulled yourself unsteadily to your feet. “I can do it. I can explain.”

Jake hesitated and you could tell he wasn’t sure if it was best to leave or not.

“It’s okay.” You said with as much of a reassuring smile as you could muster.

With one last look Jake nodded before passing his brother to exit the bunkhouse. His hand momentarily gripped Troy’s shoulder and gave a brief squeeze before he was gone, the door closing quietly behind him.

It was just you and Troy now.

In the silence you could hear your own heart beating, the sound of your own uneven breathing.

“I’m so sorry,” you began, forcing your voice to remain steady, “if you want me to leave, I’ll go. I’ll understand.”

Troy stared at you, his eyes managed to glow with intensity in the pale light of the sun.

“Go?” He finally croaked. “Why would I want you to go?”

You dropped your gaze and tried to keep yourself steady.

“Because of what I did. Because of what almost happened to Mike because of me.”

Your eyes shot up as footsteps moved toward you. For the briefest of moments you wanted to take a step back, to avoid the outstretched hand Troy had reached out to you with as if his touch might have harmed you in some way. You must have flinched, the sharp intake of breath seen by Troy as he stopped in front of you and slowly dropped his hand.

Your eyes were fixed to the floor. Your socked feet so close to his dusty boots.

“Look at me,” Troy said softly. It wasn’t a command but you were unable to resist the request regardless.

Your chest ached as your eyes met with his. His face looked tired, the curls of his hair were in need of taming as if he’d been running his hands through them all night. You noted the shadows beneath his eyes as guilt enveloped you.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Perhaps The Pull wasn’t always right. Whatever force joined two people together must be wrong sometimes. For you to be such a burden on your soulmate was unbearable. You’d always thought the love you’d seen between your parents was what was to be expected, they had brought each other both peace and happiness.

You’d brought neither to Troy.

Your frantic thoughts were interrupted when Troy placed two fingers gently beneath your chin and tilted your face upward.

“If you want to leave, I won’t stop you. If… if you want to go…”

You swallowed, the movement in your throat unmissable to Troy whose eyes followed your every breath.

You wanted to shake your head No, but the touch of his fingertips on your skin burned so pleasantly you couldn’t bare to risk losing the contact.

“I’ll understand,” Troy continued, “you were supposed to be safe here. I was supposed to keep you safe.”

You frowned as Troy dropped his hand from your chin and took a step back. Jake’s words came back to you, how it wasn’t you that Troy was angry with.

“You’re blaming yourself,” you breathed.

Troy could no longer look you in the eye.

“I should never have brought a stranger into our home. I should never have left you alone-“

“Stop it-“

Troy ran a hand over his head, pulling roughly at the dark curls between his fingers just as you’d guessed he’d been doing all night. You closed the space between you and reached up for his hand, untangling it from his hair as you gripped it tightly to stop him pulling away.

He looked at you now with a slightly wild expression on his face. You realised just how exhausted he was. You knew what that level of stress and tiredness could do, he wasn’t thinking straight.

“You helped someone in need. Just like you did with me-” you began before Troy cut you off.

“I’d been looking for you. Even though I didn’t understand why at first…”

You couldn’t help the small smile on your lips.

“You couldn’t have known who he was. It’s not as if I’ve been entirely honest with you about my past.” You admitted, trying to ignore the squirming in your gut and slight tremor in your voice.

Troy looked at you now with such intensity you almost forgot how to breath. “You can tell me anything. I… I’ve done things too. Things I had to do.”

You nodded in understanding. The world was now a dark place and although you hated to admit it, sometimes embracing that darkness was the only way to survive it. You remembered the choking sounds of the man whose throat Troy had watched you cut. He’d told you you’d looked beautiful, a statement most would find odd or frightening in such a situation. It hadn’t frightened you. It had made you feel like an avenging Angel in Troy’s eyes.

“I never meant to cause so much trouble.” You said honestly.

Troy shook his head as a smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. “It’s about time someone else round here caused some.”

Your heart was no longer thundering in your chest, but it was beating hard as Troy’s fingers brushed over the back of your hand where he still held it tight.

You noticed as he began to sway ever so slightly, exhaustion finally overcoming him. There was still so much you wanted to say, to ask him, but perhaps right now was not the time.

Instead you took a steady breath and licked your suddenly very dry lips.

“Would you stay with me, here, to sleep?”

Troy blinked at you, glancing to the bunk you’d claimed as your own and back to you as if it were taking some time to process your request.

He had slept in the bunkhouse with you when you’d first arrived, but he had kept a respectful distance. There hadn’t been much physical contact between you yet, other than when you’d jumped into his arms when Mike had frightened you it had mostly been brief spells of holding hands when you walked outside the bunkhouse. And neither of you had minded, there was no need to rush things after everything you’d been through and Troy wasn’t exactly used to displays of affection. So when he nodded it was because his voice had suddenly failed him. The bunk was small, perhaps he was expected to sleep on one of the other empty ones…?

You made your intentions clear when you walked over to your bed and slid beneath the blanket before holding it open for him. Feeling dazed Troy kicked off his boots and placed his jacket over the nearest chair. He sat on the edge of the bunk before stretching out beside you.

He’d been right. The bunk was too small for two but you didn’t seem to care as your hand found his again and wound his fingers between yours.

The only sound for a few moments were those of your own breathing and the first songs of the birds from outside. As Troy’s eyes began to slide shut you spoke quietly as the morning sun began to fill the room.

“Troy?”

“Hm?”

“I don’t want to go anywhere without you.”

You didn’t see but the muscles in Troy’s face twitched as he almost smiled in his half-awake state.

“Then don’t.” He said just as quietly.

You did smile then, and for the first time since you’d set eyes upon your soulmate you felt a knowing in your heart and in your gut that The Pull had been right, because you were finally home.

“I just mean… I know we’re soulmates and everything but…”

Troy had managed an easy smile and bowed his head toward you in what you’d come to see as a reassuring motion, as if he were trying to make himself physically smaller - a difficult feat since he towered over you.

“I get it. I think it’s probably best we get used to being able to touch hands first before… anything else.”

You smiled shyly, hating the coyness you felt. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t had lovers. You weren’t some blushing virgin.

“You feel it too?” you asked.

Troy took in a long whistling breath through his teeth.

“You mean the way my whole body sets on fire when you touch me?”

You froze as heat coursed through you at the huskiness in his voice . Your heart began to beat as blood pumped dizzyingly fast into every part of your body. You forced yourself to breathe slowly.

Yeah, you knew exactly what he meant.

“Is that normal?” he asked, “I’ve lived on the ranch since I was a kid. Never really learned much about this stuff except for what Jake told me.”

You couldn’t think straight and searched wildly in your head for a change of subject, something to distract you from the way Troy’s eyes were boring into you.

“Is what your father said true? Did your brother’s soulmate die?”

Troy nodded solemnly before finally breaking your gaze, looking at his feet as he kicked at some dry leaves that had blown in.

“And I was an asshole about it too. I didn’t know… I didn’t understand what it felt like.”

“And… what does it feel like? For you?”

Again Troy’s eyes fixed on your face, his blue eyes darkening as he seemed to be looking right into you.

“Like nothing I could have imagined.” he told you. “You?”

Your smiled widened.

“The same.”

The smile on Troy’s face was more reserved, as if it were something he wasn’t quite used to doing in front of people.

“Okay then. I’ll uh, go find us something to eat. There must be leftovers from the canteen. I’ll find you something clean to wear too.”

Your stomach growled embarrassingly loudly and you heard Troy chuckle as he closed the door to the bunk house behind him.

You showered, basking in the warmth of the water and the smell of soup as wondered how many washes it would take for your hair to feel clean again. You ignored the way your skin felt tight over your hips and ribs, allowing you to feel the bones as you rinsed the soap from your body. Your eyes drifted over the cuts and bruises you’d collected as if they weren’t there, refusing to acknowledge the way they began to sting as you scrubbed at the filth away. The finger sized markings around your arms and the larger bruises on your thighs had begun to turn from red to a bluish purple. You knew soon they’d turn yellow and fade entirely, and you forced yourself to remember the ones who had put them there would never be able to do so again.

Between you and Troy, you’d made sure of that.

You wondered if you should feel something for what you had done. The shock and the adrenaline of the night had faded, so where was the guilt? The revulsion from having killed a person?

Not a person, you told yourself. Just another monster. Like the dead. Worse even.

You finished your shower, eager to get dressed again.

The towels left in the shower-room were stiff and scratchy but you wouldn’t complain. You called out for Troy, hoping he might be back with something to wear so you wouldn’t have to put on your filthy clothes again.

A voice answered, but it wasn’t Troy’s.

“Name’s Mike.” The voice said, and you felt your blood ran cold.

You were naked and alone in a room with no lock on the door… and a strange man standing on the other side.

“Where’s Troy?” You asked, trying not to sound panicked.

“He’s back?” The voice - Mike - said.

Your heart thundered as you felt a wave of nausea overtake you.

Don’t pass out, you told yourself. Whatever you do, don’t. pass. out.

You pulled the scratchy towel tighter around yourself with one hand and placed the other on the door. Logically you knew if he wanted to get in you wouldn’t be able to hold it closed against him. You weren’t particularly strong before the world ended and now whilst exhausted and malnourished you had even less hope.

“He’ll be back any second,” you told him, hoping the stranger would hear the warning in your voice.

“Good. I’ll wait then.”

The ice in your veins was steadily growing hot, turning into frustration. Was this person stupid? Or where they just messing with you?

You didn’t have time to find out since the heat in your veins became almost unbearable until a loud crash, the sound of wood breaking, made you gasp and jump back from the door.

It wasn’t the man trying to break in like your first instinct told you. No, you realised what it was when you heard Troy’s furious voice begin to shout.

“Mike! What the fuck are you doing in here?”

“Looking for you! Jesus what’s got up your ass?”

Your legs almost collapsed as you sagged against the door and willed your beating heart to slow.

“You can’t be in here.” Troy said bluntly. “Get out.”

There was a moment of silence before you heard the sound of springs. Mike must have been sat on one of the bunks.

You heard the sound of the door being closed with a bang, and then footsteps drawing closer. You stumbled toward the door and flung it open, almost missing Troy’s wide eyed expression as he dropped his hand from where it was about to knock as you threw yourself face first against his chest.

Your body trembled. From fear, relief… from everything that had happen over the last twenty-fours hours, hell the last few weeks of your life! You’d had to be so strong all by yourself for so long, with no one to trust or to rely on for help.

Troy seemed to hesitate at first, unsure of how to comfort you. He settled for lightly placing his palms on your back over the the towel and waited awkwardly for your response.

As you fisted your hands into his shirt you breathed deeply, smelling the dirt and the blood and sweat of the night before. For some reason this comforted you, allowed your racing pulse to ease as Troy started making small circles on your back. His chin had dropped so his lips were pressed against your damp hair as you realised he’d begun to whisper gently soothing words to you.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone.” He said a little once you’d managed to stop shaking.

You shook your head against him, not wanting him to blame himself for your fear.

“I felt it. Felt you…” Troy then added, his voice pained. You lifted your head then to face him.

His expression made your heart break. He looked so lost, so sorrowful, that you had needed him and he hadnt been there, again.

You shook your head once more, not sure how you knew these were his thoughts but they were as clear to you as if they were your own.

“You can’t blame yourself because I left. For what they almost did…” you told him gently, willing him to believe it too.

Troy stopped rubbing circles on your back but didn’t move in the slightest to let you go.

“It was my fault. If I had just explained… or stayed away that night…”

“You were there when I needed you. When it mattered. You came for me.”

Your words did little to ease his guilt but Troy tried to smile down at you.

“Sorry about Mike. He’s kind of never got personal boundaries but he’s harmless.”

You tried not to let your unease show.

“He’s your friend?”

Troy nodded. “Since we were kids, before I was taken out of school.”

You frowned, confused. Troy’s smile faltered.

“We can talk about all that after you’ve had something to eat and some rest. I want Jake to give you a check over too - I’ll stay, if you want me to.” He said quickly as he felt you stiffen in his arms. “And then, well, we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other.”

You tried to let that sink in. Time. It was something that had felt like it was slipping away from you since the outbreak. How much time until you found a safe place? How much time until you lost it? How long had you been hungry, thirsty… how much time did you have left to survive?

Troy indicated the bag he had dropped on the floor by the door which you saw did indeed have a crack in it where he’d pushed it open so violently.

“I’ll wait outside while you dress.”

You wanted to say it was okay for him to stay, but you knew you weren’t ready for that yet.

How strange the intimacy you shared by being able to feel each others most powerful emotions, practically reading the others thoughts at a glance… and yet this was where you hesitated.

But Troy’s eyes told you he understood. That it was ok. That anything you needed would be okay with him.

He stepped outside and pulled the door shut. You could him standing with his back to the door as if on guard through the flimsy cover over the small window. You smiled to yourself.

You clumsily pulled on the clothes he’d left you, blushing when your hands opened the brand new packet of underwear. There were a few pairs of clean socks and two basic sports bras which fit well enough to be comfortable. You wondered if Troy had picked it all for you or if he’d asked one of the women on the ranch for help. You were too embarrassed to ask.

Finally you slid your aching legs into a pair of faded jeans, having to tighten the belt to make them fit your emaciated waist. The plain, light cotton t-shirt was a little baggy but you didn’t mind.

There were no new boots or shoes but you were sure Troy just hadn’t known your size. Once you were dressed you stood awkwardly in the empty room, your fingers tugging at your damp hair to work out the knots a hairbrush just wouldn’t get through. For some reason you suddenly felt self conscious about your appearance, which was ridiculous since Troy had seen you at your worst… although there was still a small voice in your head wondering if he’d be disappointed with his soulmate now you didn’t have the excuse of being half-dead in the wild for your ragged appearance.

Drawing in a deep breath you moved to open the door and let Troy back in. He turned his head to peer at you over his shoulder.

“Feeling better?” He asked.

You nodded, “I feel human again. I've missed soap so much… and clean socks.”

“Yeah they’re like fucking gold-dust now,” Troy said as he stepped inside.

Again you stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure of what was supposed to happen next until you realised Troy still hadn’t a chance to clean up. Your stomach also growled loudly again and Troy frowned.

“Eat,” he said, grabbing the bag and taking it to the table in the corner of the room. He spread out the contents as you dropped into one of the wooden chairs. As your eyes fell upon the meal you felt dizzy at the thought of a real, freshly made meal. Or as fresh as leftovers could be. Right then it looked like a banquet fit for royalty. You glanced at Troy as he sat down beside you, waiting for him to take his share.

His frown deepened as you sat unmoving.

“Something wrong?”

Your voice was thin, tired. “Aren’t you going to eat too?”

Troy’s mouth quirked up on one side, an almost smile as he shook his head.

“You first. You’re practically all bones.”

You blushed as your earlier worries came back to mind, but troy’s smile was encouraging. You knew he wasn’t intentionally poking fun at you so without further hesitation you began to tuck in.

“Not too fast,” Troy told you as you swallowed your first mouthful embarrassingly loudly. You understood why when your stomach began to clench. It had been so long since you’d eaten a decent meal your body wasn’t used to it.

You ate what could, sipping at the water bottle between bites, and once you felt satiated you realised you could barely keep your eyes open.

Troy shook out the sheets of one of the bunks, flipping the mattress as somewhere in the back your mind you pictured spiders and all sorts of creepy critters that would usually make your skin crawl. Deeming the bed he made you suitable Troy offered you his hand, helping you walk over to the bunk until you practically collapsed onto the sheets. You were vaguely aware of a pillow being placed beneath your cheek and the covers being tightened over you.

Troy paused as your eyes fluttered.

“Do you want me to go?”

You barely had the strength to speak but you managed to mumble against the softness of the pillow.

“Don’t go.”

Sleep overcame you, pulling you under a shroud of darkness so fast you were only half sure Troy had heard you. But for the first night since the dead had started walking and life had been turned into a living nightmare, you gave into sleep knowing you’d be safe

Because Troy was with you.