#ft.han ryu

and they are like a paper boat. set sail by gentle fingers through the storms and one can only predict that in the end they are only to sink. and it all started in a summer, with them exchanging glances. of ryu admiring her from a distance while leah was praying upon the spirit of health — upon him. he was looking at her; they all said and they said that ryu was blushing — the other spirits in the mountain was. a smile started it all too, a mutual smile as she smiled back at him that time. for a moment he believed that fairytales do exist. because how come someone can be so charming with just a smile, and with those gorgeous caramel brown eyes but there was something else that unexplainable spark.

and god it was summer, for goodness’ sake. but her smile was blazingly brighter than the sun itself. she became an intangible concept in his constant life. as another summer came, she looked different than last year. matured but still as beautiful. while ryu stay the same as he was before. and he wondered until when she will visit him in this wood.

there are some sorrows that one can’t rid themselves of. like how their story was meant to be nothing but a mere memory for the both of them. but deep down, ryu cant deny that his heart beats for her, his heart will be waiting for her come back each summer. it’s going to be like that, til her last breath. despite anything, she will always be his favourite fairytale without a happy ending. what a twisted story they’ve become. from how they were supposed to be an odd pair of friend (or perhaps something more as ryu is too hesitant to feel anything. to dumb to realised his own feeling) to maybe it wasn’t meant to be after all. he thinks that even if the universe tries its best to split them apart, he knows that their bond is stronger than that. that they are still be inseparable.

maybe that’s why he is afraid of losing her. maybe that’s why lately he has been craving to touch her, just a simple touch on her skin. to feel how soft and warm her skin is. but it only means that he will become a tiny million cosmic dust.

but he can’t help it now can he?

                                      ( ‘ for now, i’d stay here ’ )

ah right, it’s time to go back home for her. now that his fellow spirits who also attached to her present remind her of what time is it right now, he feels nothing but a tad bit —- lonely. is it selfish of him wanting her to stay just a little bit longer?

“then stay.” he says, almost like a beg but not much of it. “you can stay in my room for the night. it’s not much but i hope it’s enough.”

perhaps it’s the way her parents treated her. everything she does is always examined under such scrutiny that she always feels as though she’s observed underneath a microscope. even the slightest flaw would be discovered by her parents. then they’d pick on it, tell her ways to improve––wait, no, no, that’s too nice––force her to change.

you have to be perfect, leah.

young leah used to wonder whether her imperfection was her fault. the little girl was worried that she can’t live up to her parents expectations. she didn’t want to disappoint them, but over the course of the years, that concern began to diminish. she’s gradually realising that maybe the problem is not her, maybe it’s her parents.

(or is she just shifting the blame? after all, that’s a human thing to do, like how adam blames eve for forcing him to eat the forbidden fruit.)

how did she come this revelation?

first, she knows her cousins have the same worries too. it’s as if the adults of this family is cursed with this insatiable need to be perfect.

second, because he came along.

it’s a cheesy story, really. a summer love. she likes the way he looks at her, because when she was crying alone (she had tattered the blouse and the skirt her parents got her when she was tousling with her younger cousin), instead of laughing at her, he looked at her as if she wasn’t this monster. with mud blemishing her skin, he didn’t look at her with this disgusted look in his face. his gaze was soft, inviting, like the warmth of a hot chocolate and hearth in the middle of a snowstorm. there was something about him that leah couldn’t get enough of. they would sit together and talk and she would feel elevated. he knew just what to say to her, and words would come so naturally as they spoke, even if both of them stumbled over their words. with him, she laughs more than she does in a year.

she knew it was bad when she’s gradually missing him the more time she spent apart from him. and she knew she was in trouble because one day, when she had enough courage to look at his eyes for once as she had found his gaze too blinding at times, she saw the same lonely soul as hers. maybe the universe had put them together to complete each other.

no, don’t fall, leah.

tonight has been the worst night of her life. during dinner, her parents had nonchalantly mentioned that after graduating, the 18-year-old leah would go on to law school. it’s fleeting comment, but when it comes to decisions, one related to her future, leah has to put her foot down. leah snapped, saying that she never agreed to it. her parents then said, as if nothing was wrong, “oh, we assumed that was your plan.”

that was never her plan. leah wants to go art school and draw. she wants to write and illustrate her own comics. she’s told her parents about this! but it seems that, like every other comments she’s made, they’re nothing more than meaningless words. a childish dream, a temporary obsession. they’re not. it’s been a dream of hers ever since her older cousin brought her to a comic book store and she got herself a copy of a spider-man comic.

despite all the complaints and warnings, leah storms out and runs to the only person she knows she can trust... and sure enough, he’s the only one who thinks that having dreams isn’t such a sin.

she doesn’t want to go back.