#ft.aaron

Khai. Khai was kinda dreading this lunch date after the way their last one went. But he knew they needed to talk. He just wanted this talk to go better than the last one, and he was trying to mentally prepare himself for that to happen. No matter what Landon had to say, or what he wanted. Khai needed to be okay with it for his own sanity. He had been burying himself in work lately and to be honest, he was starting to feel a little lonely. He walked into the dinner and looked around for his friend before taking a seat in the booth across from him. “Hey, babe” he greeted with a confident smile. Shrugging his jacket off his shoulders he pushed up the sleeves of his long sleeved shirt to make himself more comfortable. “You look nice.” He didn’t really know how to start this conversation, so he was just gonna leave that up to Landon.

LANDON Landon was terrified of their second attempt at a lunch break. The first one didn’t end so well and he didn’t want this to be a repeat of that. In hindsight, maybe he should have accepted Khai’s offer to talk about it through text and got it over with but deep down he knew this was a conversation they needed to have face to face. Their time together with Elle at the pumpkin patch confirmed that there were things they needed to talk about. Landon was the first one to arrive at the diner and he found a booth that was far from the others so they could have some semblance of privacy. Word travelled fast around Kingsboro. It didn’t take long for Khai to show up and sit in front of him. They exchanged the usual greetings and pleasantries and Landon suddenly found himself at a loss over what to say. How was he supposed to start a conversation like this? “Thanks, so do you.” He took a moment to try and collect his thoughts then sighed deciding there was no better option than to get straight to the point. “You kissed me when we were at the pumpkin patch.”

Khai. Seeing Landon face to face like this, had Khai second guessing himself too. Maybe things would have been a lot easier over text. But, to be honest, there was a part of him that really just wanted any excuse to see his friend. He looked down at the menu on the table as his fingers fidgeted with the edge of the laminate. His eyes only shifting up one he heard Landon get straight to the point. “Yeah...” he breathed out. The nerves so clear in his voice it was almost embarrassing. “Of course I did.   I know maybe I shouldn’t have. I didn’t really mean to.  Not in front of Elle. But, Landon... you have to try and understand I’ve been falling for you for a really long time, and it’s not that easy for me to just wipe our slate clean. I wanna be with you. I get that’s not something you want, and I’m trying to respect that. But, to be honest. I don’t really know what you expect from me.”

LANDON Landon wasn’t sure what he expected from him either. Khai wasn’t completely right in saying that Landon didn’t want to be with him. He told the other that was something he wanted and agreed to be boyfriends...before he was told about Dorian. That changed things for him. It didn’t stop him liking Khai or wishing they could be together but it made him more scared, reluctant to give it a try and risk getting hurt. “How are things with you and Dorian?” He needed to know that before saying anything else. Landon was not about to open up only to be told the two were trying again.

Khai. The last thing he expected out of Landon’s mouth after saying all that was a question about Dorian. It almost had him rolling his eyes, but instead he just looked back down at the menu again. “Things are okay with us, I guess. I don’t really talk to him that much anymore. He’s been dating Quentin, and we’re trying to stay friends. But it’s awkward to say the least” he shrugged. Of course he was always gonna care about Dorian. You didn’t just turn something like that off. But the simple truth of it all was that it ended the moment he had told his ex about his feelings for Landon. He looked back up at his friend and pressed his lips together as he shrugged again. “If you’re wondering if I’ve been with anyone else. The answer is no. It’s always been you Landon, and I’m tired of hurting people just because I can’t have you” he said honestly. Hoping his friend understood that what he meant was that he wasn’t going to try to be with anyone else while he still had feelings for him.

LANDON Landon was shocked to hear that Dorian was seeing Quentin now. When did that happen? It left him feeling as he had almost expected the other to say that they tried things out, even if it didn’t work in the end. Apparently not. He definitely wasn’t expecting Khai to say that he hadn’t been with anyone else either. As much as Khai said he had feelings for him, which he believed to a certain extent, he never thought he would stop seeing other people especially since there was nothing going on between them. It shocked him but in a good way. It spoke to a certain level of maturity that hadn’t been there just a few months previously. “Oh.” Oh? That’s the best he could say? But Landon was at a loss for words. “I wasn’t expecting that.” If anything was to happen they both needed to be honest to each other and that’s exactly what Landon was trying to be right now.

Khai. Whatever it was that happened between him and Landon, it definitely had awoken something inside of him. He was living his life so recklessly, and maybe it took being hurt as deeply as he was hurting others, to finally want to change. Regardless of whether or not that change landed him with Landon, it needed to happen. He had spent a week in bed not really eating or bathing, and then buried himself in his work at Venus. But after replaying everything he had done in the past few months  over and over in his head, he was definitely changed. He wanted to be better, and even though he missed having sex so fucking much, he wanted something real. “I don’t blame you” he said simply. “I did a lot of stupid and reckless things, and I know I hurt a lot of people. It was never my intention to do that, but it happened, and I wish I could fix it all and make it better. But I can’t. All I can do is try to be the best version of myself from here on out.” He almost felt like he was confessing all his sins and trying to repent to someone who could only see the bad in him. But he was trying to speak directly to the best friend he used to have in Landon, and not the guy who shattered his heart.

LANDON Landon couldn’t deny Khai’s words and say no one had been hurt because the truth was that he was hurt. When Khai told him that he and Dorian hooked up for closure after he asked for some time, Landon felt tricked. There he was, believing that something could happen between them. He risked his relationship with Roman and went through one of their most awkward conversations so that he could go into whatever it was with Khai with the knowledge that the most important people in his life knew about it and had his back. Thinking that while he was doing that Khai was holding up with his ex made him see red. All he asked for was time and this is what he got in return. It made him confirm past suspicions that he was just another notch on his bedpost and the other’s feelings for him weren’t so deep after all. He questioned everything; their weekend together, the words Khai said to him...everything. And Landon might have overreacted, he could admit that now. Maybe he shouldn’t have kicked him out and tried to talk about it instead but at the time he felt like he wasn’t getting anywhere and he was too angry to think straight. It meant a lot to him that at least Khai was admitting to having made mistakes and was aware his actions hurt people. Actions have consequences, Landon knew that all too well. “You’re right, some things just can’t be fixed and we can’t make everything better with the snap of our fingers. But admitting our mistakes and dealing with them...that’s a start”, he said. “I’m sorry I kicked you out. Maybe I shouldn’t have done that but at the time I need to be alone to process everything.”

Khai. At the time Khai would have definitely agreed that Landon overreacted. His feelings for him were true, but Landon honestly had no way of really knowing that. All he had to go off of was his word, and let’s be honest, his words hadn’t really been all that trust worthy with anyone. He led Emily on, and then did a very similar thing with Dorian soon after. How could anyone believe anything he had to say? The truth though was that he was scared. He did have love for Dorian, but it wasn’t the same type  of love he was developing for Landon. Even though he did want it to be, and he did try. In the end he realized he was only trying to get something out of his ex that he couldn’t get with the person he truly wanted to be with. He was scared to be alone, and as painful as it was to admit to himself. He was scared to let go of Dorian in fear that Landon would reject him again and that’s exactly what he would be, alone.  It was all kind of ironic to think about now. Because he ended up alone anyway, and truthfully it seemed to be the best thing for him. He had so many epiphanies about everything, and now he was just left in a constant state of wondering. Wondering if he should continue waiting for Landon, or if maybe he should just let go and move on. “You don’t have to apologize. I deserved it, and I shouldn’t  have been with him. I was just scared, Landon. It had nothing to do with anything but my own guilt and insecurities. I didn’t mean to hurt you.... Honestly, I thought you were just gonna tell me to forget about  everything that happened between us, and that it wasn’t gonna happen again. Especially after I told you what Roman did, and I got scared you were gonna hurt me. I’m sorry. Rejection has never been one of my strong suits and I.... I don’t know. I made a choice. But I never meant to hurt you by it. That weekend we spent together. It was like something out of a dream and I never wanted it to end. I’d do anything to get back to that place. But, I don’t want you to be with me just because. I want you to mean it, and if that’s not the case, than so be it. I’ll move on.”

LANDON There might have been a point where he considered telling Khai just that because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. Roman’s reaction over walking in on them was enough to show him he was hurt and then his relapse...well, Landon felt responsible for it. But he liked Khai and after his awkward conversation with Roman he thought something could happen between them. Sure, Roman wasn’t thrilled at the idea but neither was he at the idea of his best friend and ex dating. He got over it. Eventually...sort of. The mention of their weekend together brought back memories that Landon had tried his best to suppress and he managed a small smile. “That weekend meant a lot to me too. I enjoyed myself and it was amazing seeing you and Elle get closer. She loves you, you know.” Deep down, Landon knew what he wanted to say when they agreed to meet for lunch but he wanted to hear what Khai had to say before doing it. It was a risk but one he was going to take and if things ended badly...then he would have more than enough time to beat himself up about it. He took in a deep breath to prepare himself for what he was about to say then looked at Khai, making direct eye contact. “Once chance Khai...you get one chance for us to really give this a try and see if it works but I swear to god if anything like with Dorian happens again I’m out. I mean it.”

Khai. It was a bit rejuvenating to sit here and pour out all his deep dark truths. But at the same time it was a bit terrifying. He never let anyone see beneath his tough exterior. In fact, the only other person who probably ever had was Roman. There were some things he even hid from Jaycee, and she was his best friend. Although, most times she could connect with him without him ever even having to say a word. This was different though, he was telling someone that he had been falling for, for months, that he was in fact damaged. And worst of all, he was admitting to complete knowledge about it. He was starting to get into his head a bit about it all. About everything he had just said, and wondering if maybe he shouldn’t have said so much. His eyes blinked a bit confoundedly as he heard Landons words, and he just kinda stared for a moment. It was almost like he had just had the wind knocked out of his lungs and he was left stunned. Did he really just say that? Wait... was he hearing things? He didn’t even know how to react to what he was hearing right now. Internally he was screaming with happiness. But to be honest, he was also a bit dumb founded. He pursed his lips a bit as if he were going to say something, but nothing seemed to come out. The feeling of his chest rising and falling a bit more rapidly inevitably taking his breath away as his emotions started to reveal themselves in his eyes. He searched Landons blue orbs for some type of clarification. But ultimately he was left in a state of daze.

LANDON Roman was right. He was letting his fear get the best of him and making them both miserable in the process. What was the point of fighting his feelings for Khai if he was just going to be sad about it? And the other was obviously not happy either so there was no point. Things would have been much easier if they cut out all contact and truly stated away from each other but Landon couldn’t do that. Khai was his friend and he cared about him regardless of what was happening between them. How could he let go of that? It was clear that he shocked Khai with his words though and if the situation wasn’t so serious he would chuckle. “I like you Khai, I really do and you hurt me but that still didn’t change anything. I still like you. And you’re right. These feelings aren’t going to go away and just being friends...it’s not going to work. I’m still scared, terrified really, but I can’t keep on living in fear. But I mean what I said. One chance.” Please don’t waste it. He almost said it but bit his tongue at the last second.

Khai. Landon just kept on talking, and Khai just kept on staring. He could feel his heart beating so fast and loud it was almost deafening, and  he almost felt like he might explode. “I... yeah. Yes” he started to nod. His hand reaching across the table to grab onto Landons. Because he almost felt like he might float away or maybe even wake up from a dream if he didn’t. “I really like you too” he added. His hand squeezing Landons firmly just to make sure this was for real. “No... fuck that” he retorted with a slight shake of his head. “I more than really like you, and all I need is one chance.” With those last words he got out of the booth and moved to sit beside Landon. His free hand moving to cup the smallers face as he gazed deep into his eyes. “You’re it for me” he confirmed as simply as breathing. Closing the space between them and pressing a soft languid kiss to Landons lips as his fingers clenched around his face.

LANDON When Khai didn’t say anything right away Landon started worrying. Did he misinterpret the situation? His worried were eased when the other finally started talking and what a relief it was. Khai felt the same way. He knew that to some extent but having him agree to his proposal of one chance still meant a lot to him. Landon made space so that Khai could sit down next to him at the booth and smiled at his words. It was still a risk and Landon was still worried but maybe it could actually work this time. He wanted it to work. Landon closed his eyes and let himself fully immerse into the feeling of Khai’s lips against his. No worries, no fears. Just the other’s presence.

Khai. After everything that had happened between them in such a short amount of time. Khai was still scared too. That fear that Landon could change his mind at any given moment still lingering in the back of his mind, even now. But kissing Landon like this again, it was like all those fears had vanished. It was just the two of them falling blissfully into one another as the outside world continued to spin around them. Honestly, it was really hard for Khai not to want to ravish him right there in the booth. Not only because he had gone quite a while without sex. But also because he had all these built up feelings for Landon that were now spilling out into their kiss. His hand was clenching so firmly around Landons jaw just to try and keep himself from going to far. His other hand dropping mercilessly into Landons lap as it kept laced tightly around his. He let his fingers brush lightly against the others thigh as he pulled back just enough for their lips to continue brushing together. “I missed you” he breathed out in a whisper against Landons lips before kissing him again. He wasn’t sure whether or not if this meant they were going to be boyfriends now. But right now he was so lost in kissing Landon it hardly mattered if they had an official title.

LANDON It was as if the second their lips touched, the invisible wall that had been between them since their conversation about Dorian was knocked over. They were back to the Landon and Khai they were before it all went wrong. He moved his hand to cover the one Khai had on his jaw, squeezing it to show him that he was here and he wasn’t going anywhere. Landon didn’t know where this left them but he couldn’t be bothered to think about that right now. “I missed you too”, he said, as soon as they broke apart for air. “Let’s not do this again it physically hurt to be so awkward around you. Even Elle noticed.” He was only half-joking, as his daughter really had brought up the conversation about Khai after their day at the pumpkin patch.

Khai. Khai pressed his forehead to Landon’s as he felt his hand squeeze around his. His eyes closing for a moment as he tried to catch his breath. “Never again” he agreed. He knew Elle had to have noticed the awkwardness between them. As hard as he tried to hide it, there was a huge different between the two at the pumpkin patch compared to what she had witnessed over their weekend together. “I don’t ever want to be away from you again” he added. He let go of his hold on Landons face and hand and wrapped his arms around him. He just wanted him close for a bit longer as he breathed in his familiar and comforting scent. “I love you” he whispered into the smallers neck. Knowing full well he probably shouldn’t have said that so soon. But he felt it, and he wanted Landon to know he meant it. Even if he didn’t end up saying it again anytime soon because he didn’t want to rush anything. But he also didn’t want it going unsaid either.

LANDON The radio silence between them after everything that happened was torture. Landon was so used to getting at least a text from the other that getting nothing hit him harder than he thought it would. He smiled and hugged Khai from the side, leaning their heads against each other. The other’s admission came as a shock but he tried hard not to let it show. It was too soon for him to say it back, even though he knew the feelings between them went beyond a simple crush. But Landon wanted to see how things went before he could feel comfortable enough to say it back. And so he smiled, pulling his head back enough to connect their lips together again. That would have to be enough for now. There would come a time where Landon would feel comfortable enough to say it and it would be something special but, for now, this was good too.

Khai. Not texting Landon was torture for him too. He found himself struggling almost every single day not to give in and send him a message with even a simple how are you? He hated it, but he knew the space was needed. If not for Landon to figure out what he really wanted, than at least for Khai to try and detach. Not that detaching from Landon happened in even the slightest bit. He pulled his head back slightly when he felt Landon lift his head from his, and he kissed him back soundly. He knew Landon well enough to know this was his was of reciprocating his words, and he hummed softly. Of course that was enough. He never expected Landon to say it back, at least not this soon. He already knew how he felt and that was all he needed in this moment. Besides, being able to kiss him again was always a great alternative.

LANDON They were so immersed into their conversation that they didn’t even order anything and Landon chuckled when he looked at their empty table. So much for coffee and lunch. “Tell you what”, he suggested, turning to look at Khai once again. “Elle has been asking for you ever since we went to the pumpkin patch. How about I take the rest of the afternoon off and you come with me to pick her up from school? Maybe we can go out for dinner tonight instead?” He doubted they were going to be able to eat much now that they’ve had their conversation, so might as well postpone it to later in the day. “You can show us Venus and give us both the special treatment.”

Khai. When Landon suggested taking the rest of the afternoon off and going out for dinner, He suddenly realized they hadn’t ordered anything for lunch. He knew Landon was probably starving too after working all morning, and he almost felt bad. “Of course, I’d love that” he smiled. Caressing his thumb along Landons jawline before kissing his chin softly. “I’ve been missing her too and I’d love to see her. I’d also love to give you both the special treatment. It’s the least I could do after causing you to miss lunch” he grinned. Having Elle and Landon as his first official costumers was more than he could have ever asked for. He was so proud of the establishment and what better way to celebrate it than sharing it with two of his favorite people. “How are her pumpkins holding up by the way? They aren’t rotting out already are they?” Of course he would carve her a new one if he had to. But, he hoped the pumpkins she had picked out for herself were still going strong.