#ft. oz

it was a gloomy fucking day, with a chill that seemed to snake its way underneath not only zar’s green rain slicker, but also the black hoodie he’d borrowed from honey. he’s left home thinking he’s be cozy enough to spend those hours and hours in the wet october woods, but he was already proven wrong. but he could handle the chill, he’d slept in sheds before when he was too scared to sleep inside the house. what he couldn’t handle was when the officer organizing the search announced his search partner, “oscar lamar and balthazar ros.” his jaw clenched, and he couldn’t help but meet oz’s eyes across the little semi-circle they’d formed in the parking lot. zar shot him a close-lipped smile that clearly read, i’m not happy about this, either. 

while he waited for the rest of the list to be read out, he stared down at his boots, and realized that this wasn’t the time for rivalries. four of their peers were missing, people zar knew. his dog walking buddy, his regular customer, his coworker and friend. they could very well be fucking dead. if there was any time for a ceasefire, it was now. once they were told to be off, zar headed towards oz, trying to keep his expression somewhat friendly and failing. “you ready?” zar asked, and then forced himself to wait for a reply. he was far more socially awkward than most people thought, so a moment after oz’s reply, he added an awkward, “let’s start off, then, i guess. this way?” 

❛ RELATIONSHIP BOARD

Carina Soliz & Vainamoinen Oszkar Heikkinen

the first time zar saw oz, he thought he had him all figured out, from his plastic smile to his ironed khaki pants. he’d seen the same greeting, once upon a time; john jones v welcomed him to his home the same way, the home he’d look for any excuse to escape for the next twelve years. he’d watched his brothers grow the same way, learning to hide that wickedness behind practiced smirks. every word rehearsed, every step filled with confidence, the air about them that they could do no wrong. it never failed to make zar’s blood boil. he saw that same mask over oz’s face, and something in zar that first night he’d met him yearned to see it crack. he’d punched oz in the face; it hadn’t been pretty. 

but, as he read that exposing with shaking hands, he realized that oz hadn’t been the perpetrator in his hell of a house. in fact, he might even be the victim. the post wasn’t clear, but zar remembered what oz had said. i’ll never know why any of them hurt me. zar knew how that anger could build and build and build, how the inability to be good enough destroyed your insides before it destroyed anyone else. 

unsurprisingly, oz wasn’t in apartment six, and he found himself drifting down the hall, to wear he and nate used to live together. zar’s friends were his family, the closest thing he had to it, and oz had lost two of them. and oz left the front door open. he paused there for a good long while, trying to figure out what he was going to do, what he was going to say. but he found the words pooling at the base of his tongue, and twisted the knob himself. as soon as he came inside, zar lifted both of his hands up in surrender, “you don’t have to say anything,” he insisted, slipping inside and shutting the door with his back to keep his hands up. he slid them into the pockets of his hoodie, honey’s hoodie, trying to keep looking at oz but finding himself unable to. his eyes found his feet instead. 

“my dad’s an asshole,” zar started. “i was never... he didn’t want me, but he ended up with me in his house, with his wife, and his real sons. i didn’t... know, he was my father until i was thirteen,” until he’d brought ripley and newt home for the night, and one of the jones boys attached newt, and zar attacked him, nearly broke his fucking arm, and mrs. jones wanted him out of the house, because i don’t want her son in my home! “he didn’t look at me for five years, got rid of me as much as he could. but, he never...” zar swallowed, risking a glance upwards, “he never hit me; he outsourced that.” to his brothers, all to happy to torment him. “and he never hurt anyone i loved.” zar didn’t know the situation at oz’s home, but he thought of honey’s father, of patterns of domestic abuse. he licked his lips, turning his head to the side, trying desperately to keep his voice steady as he admits, “and i still wanted to kill him sometimes.” 

he let out a shaking breath, letting his eyes slide shut. “basically, i just wanted to say that... that i put you on my dad’s team for so long. i always thought it was so simple, y’know? the rich versus the poor, i guess. the put-together versus the ratty, as shallow as that sounds.” he shook his head. “i’m sorry i put you in the same boat as him, and i’m- i’m sorry i passed judgement on you so fast.” zar’s eyes slid open, and he forced himself to meet oz’s gaze. “and i’m... i’m sorry you had a shittier father than me.” 

after a moment of silence, zar locked away again, wiping under his eyes to assure no stray tears had escaped. “um, that’s all,” he said, already reaching for the doorknob. “i just. wanted to say that. i’ll go now.” 

“langston oscar lamar… ugh, the first time i saw the guy he sent alarm bells ringing. like, i knew guys like him, all crisp edges and fake smiles. i’ve known them almost all my life. rich kids, is what i’m trying to say. but it’s… i dunno, i’m starting to realize that’s blinded me to oz’s humanity, y’know? like a week ago, i would have told you i had him figured out. maybe has some pressure from his parents, maybe, but still walks around thinking the whole universe owes him something. but now like… from what i heard him say, he and i have some pretty fucking identical issues. it’s just… i’ve dealt with loneliness all of my life, y’know? i have a soft spot for that shit. also, his dad sounds like an asshole, and… i can relate.” 

“ You were warned about running your mouth in my presence, you insignificant speck, ” Oberon snarled at the magicless wizard as he slammed him against a wall. Oz had a way of really getting under his skin, and today had not been the day to do that as it was. “ Learn to be civil or you will find what power really is.. ”

zar was flattered that zola had invited him along on their family get-together. really, he was, but he didn’t appreciate having to spend all this quality time with oz. he was pretty sure, however, that that was the point; for them to get to know one another. he’d definitely prefer if this wasn’t happening, like, twenty feet in the air while clinging to a rock face. 

“y’know, oz,” zar said, embarrassingly short of breath, “if you, uh, if you wanted to kill me and make it look like an accident, now would be the perfect opportunity.” as if he needed any motivation, but for some reason zar said that out loud. “though if i die, that will just make zola sad. so.” he looked down, and regretted it immediately. “maybe don’t.”