Loss
Frodo Baggins x reader
Summary: While on watch one evening, your fears get to you. Luckily your new friend is there for you.
Warnings: Reader speaks of grief of loved ones, angst (but comfort!!)
A.N. I wrote this with idea it's platonic, but I'm sure it can be read romantically.
The tears were pouring down in minute rivers down your face as your mind ran. You put your back to the group in hopes they would not notice your struggle. You were on watch for the evening and you expected to still have some hours before sunrise. The sound of the bugs buzzing around you did little to ground you. But at least you were able to keep the sound of your sobs to a minimum. Or so you thought.
You didn’t hear the sounds of steps but instead felt a small hand on your shoulder and you wiped your tears away. “Apologies, I did not mean to wake you,” you looked over your shoulder, “Frodo? You need your rest.” The hobbit came and sat next to you on the log you occupied. He did not care for your advice, he just wrapped his cloak around himself to keep the breeze away.
“Sleep does not visit me as easily now. But I did not come over to talk about myself. What is wrong, (Y/N)?” His blue eyes were bathed in a sea of concern as he looked at you. His brows knitted as he concentrated on figuring out what could make you so upset. You sighed and slid off the log and into the grass beneath it, feeling completely defeated. You broke eye contact with him and stared back into the forest. The occasional firefly brings some peace to you. They reminded you of your home, and then once your thoughts were gathered, you responded.
Your voice was a bit rough as you spoke, “I am deeply troubled, Frodo. I recently have had some death come to those I love. Now it is all I can seem to think about. When I think I am relieved of my worry, then it visits me on nights like this. I only…” you paused and took a deep inhale, “I only hope that when we return, no more death will rear its head. At least not yet.” You sighed after you spoke and let your head lull back. The moon was a waxing gibbous, the fourth one you’ve seen on this journey. It has been four months. You knew Mordor was not next door, but still, four months is a long time.
You felt his hand on your shoulder again. He squeezed before he said, “I understand that constant feeling of fear. Loss depleted even the strongest of us. But Bilbo used to say, ‘grief is just love without a medium to attach to.’ It used to make me wonder who he could have lost to come up with something so beautiful. Is there anyone in particular you feel these fears the strongest with?”
“My close family. I know they will be safe, but the fear does not just dissipate.” The pit in your stomach only grew as you spoke. You felt more tears threaten to reach the surface. You sucked in another sharp breath before continuing, “I do not know what I will do if they leave this world without me.” That did it. The small streams from earlier crossed your tear ducts and flowed down your face again. Your head found Frodo’s thigh and it rested there for a moment. You gripped the grass in tight fists as you reclaimed yourself. You swallowed as much cool night air as possible.
Once aware of where your head was resting, you picked it up off the hobbit. But he just placed a hand on the side of your hair and guided you back to the outside of his thigh. His hand lightly danced in your hair in hopes of soothing you. “You carry a horrible burden, my friend.” Frodo took a moment before he spoke. Thinking of what he would have wanted to hear when he lost his parents. But in the pause of his words you took it as an opportunity to cut in.
“You carry a greater burden, and should not have to listen to my ridiculous woes.” You dropped the grass you hadn’t realized was still in your hands and wiped your face clear of tears again. You fully pulled off the halfling and stared back into the dark forest, looking for another firefly but not finding any. Guilt flooded into the growing pit in your heart. You shouldn’t have opened up to your friend. He was carrying a ring of evil! That is a bigger burden than you could ever imagine. And now you are just adding more to his present suffering.
Frodo cuts into your thoughts. He places a firmer hold onto your shoulder so that you look at him, “When do you plan to share your burden?” Your lips open to respond but the words don’t come. “I have ten other companions that share mine, allow yourself one.” His hand on your shoulder moved to your hand, “I want to care about you. And I want you not to have to travel this road alone. Please, allow me to care for you, my friend.” You just looked at him and breathed deeply. You were completely speechless. How could you respond to such a kind declaration?
The tears brimming again at your eyes stayed behind the lid. You nodded and in a very weak voice said, “I will.” You spent the rest of the watch speaking of grief and loss. Frodo gave you much insight into what it’s like carrying the ring and how it was affecting him. You hated that ring, and ever since your confession of fear, it has not tried to tempt you with the security of your loved ones. You knew better, and also kept the messages of the ring to yourself. You knew you would never take it, but you wanted to make sure Frodo knew that too. You would not lose this new friend you had made, you swore.
Of course Samwise had something to say to you when you allowed Frodo to stay up all night. But you took your verbal berating by him and then brushed it off. You both needed the conversation of last night terribly, and if that meant being sluggish the next day, so be it.
