#fritziannette

Everytime I think I found someone, I lose myself.

“I never felt this before,”

“This feeling is new,”

and surely it is.

But if timing has taught me anything,

it’s that people are experiences;

learning moments.

And very few become permanent.

So when it’s time for things to end,

walk away with grace.

The person that wants me will know it as soon as they catch a glimpse of my energy and you're taking too long to see the light I emit. Or maybe you're aware and the glare was too much too bare. I understand my love can scare and maybe you weren't brave enough to walk beside the fire that I possess.

And that's okay.

I love you anyways, and I pray you find the strength to one day allow yourself to fall as deeply as I have for you because even through this hurt, I found something beautiful.

My mind is complex and messy and most days I’m moody as fuck - It makes me irrational, but I can promise you it’s never intentional. I will isolate, understand, those are the moments when I’ll need you the most. Because reality; I don’t want to be alone.

Walking away has become second nature, so you’ll say I’m flighty (I apologize in advance.) The truth is that I care a lot more than I say but I wasn’t raised to be emotional, so it barely ever shows. I’ll do my best to remind you anyways.

My hands are rough and my words can cut; I don’t come from a gentle past, so I’m not the easiest to love, I know, because even for myself I can be too much. You’ll need to be patient with me. And when my fire rises? Level me. Despite it all I will say, that my heart is gold and my soul is electric and when I love? It’s with an intensity that you won’t ever have to question.

Then my heart latched onto yours.

There was something special about you that I never felt before, it left me craving more.

You’re the first person I’ve allowed in this close. I didn’t know how to handle the emotions that came along with that.

The best description I can give you:

Loving you felt like learning how to crawl again and I’ve been stumbling over my own two feet, even as I’m on the ground - falling face first.

This is still new to me.

I’ve been trying to find a balance between caring and refraining from over giving too much of my energy.

See, I poured all my love into your soul because I felt you needed a stronger dose, but I was left cold.

Now where does that love go?

I recently discovered that my masculinity overpowers my femininity and it’s intimidating to my lovers.

I make them feel, “less than a man” – or so they say. I can admit that sometimes I can be irrational when my emotions get in the way. And my words become daggers.

I’ve always been a rough lover.

I was reminded to be gentler; but I’m a masochist, I thrive off the pain.

His words finally made sense.

I guess I do let my guards get in the way.

is that I fear the neglect.

I crave more of your attention but I won’t beg.

I come from a careless household

that reminded me of nothing but my downfalls,

so I need you to reassure me;

let me know it’s safe.

because humans are fickle and emotions change,

and I just want to know that you’re here to stay...

in whatever way.

You’d tell me all your childhood stories as I’d listen admirably and I’d tell you about my dreams of moving away from the city.

To which you replied,

“what if I give you a reason to stay?”

Do you remember that night in the pouring rain? You helped me climb my first tree.

I told you it was a horrible idea as you assured me to trust you. And I did.

Then you kissed me on a flimsy branch beneath the leaves.

I’ll never forget that day.

I wanted you to prove me wrong;

Show me that you weren’t like all the others.

And you weren’t.

But our love didn’t last either way.

You were my favorite never after

And a reminder,

that I was nowhere near ready to love you.

But still, I fell anyways.

– F. Annette