She's her lobster

#dc#dc comics#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#batfam#tim drake#batfamily#dc fanart


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She's her lobster

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I've always had this funny headcanon (it's funny to me) that Ace Jason Todd is the family's walking contraception. Like, their momma (Bruce) has someone over? He has a spray bottle to spray at whoever Bruce took home with him that night to deter them from doing anything. Can't risk Mama Bruce getting pregnant again. Does the same shit to his siblings, too. Especially Dick and Tim. (The real threat is Cass and Steph cuz they be freaky w/ each other but Jason tends to have a blindspot for his sister, alright?)
There's already too many of them in this family, they don't need to fill up every damn room in the Manor. And as the oldest Dominant Alpha in the family, Jason feels a strong obligation to keep his pack safe—particularly the omegas in their pack.
Jason has a 99% success rate at meddling with his family's love life. Here's how I imagine that missing 1%:
Alpha!Dick: "Heyyyy Jayyy...."
D-Alpha!Jason: "Uh, hey?"
R-Omega!Tim: "Hello dearest big brother of mine ^^"
D-Alpha!Jason: "Okay, you guys are creeping me out. What happened?"
Alpha!Dick: (Nudging Tim) "Well, uhh... Lil' Timmy here has something he wants to tell you."
D-Alpha!Jason: "Okay you're worrying me. Is everything alright? Is ma okay? Is Alfred's heart finally giving out?"
D-Alpha!Jason: "Is that a burger?"
R-Omega!Tim: "Mom and Alfred are fine-"
D-Alpha!Jason: "Is that a burger??"
R-Omega!Tim: "I'm pregnant!"
D-Alpha!Jason: "...."
D-Alpha!Jason: "What?"
Alpha!Dick, whispering to Tim: "Now! Give him the burger now!"
R-Omega!Tim, pushing the burger across the kitchen counter towards Jason: "Jay please-"
D-Alpha!Jason: "Nope! Who did this to you?!"
R-Omega!Tim: "Kon-El. But I promise, he's a really nice guy; I like him a lot. Real funny too!"
D-Alpha!Jason: "Funny?!"
D-Alpha!Jason: "You got pregnant for funny??"
R-Omega!Tim: "Well-"
D-Alpha!Jason, putting both hands on Tim's shoulder and shaking him lightly: "Timmy- if he's funny, LAUGH!"
Tyler: okay, baby time, pants off Addams.
Wednesday: *sighs*
Enid: *jaw to the floor*
Tyler: oopx- didn't see you there Sinclair...
- - -
Tyler: gotta admit, after last night, I'm a little weak in the knees...
Wednesday: ...
Enid: *slams the refrigerator* here's an idea, before you say anything, take a quick scan.
Girls night 🩷💜🤍
is it even a slumber party with your friends if no one gets existential
I'm rewatching FRIENDS and I'm on the episode when Phoebe finds out about Monica and Chandler.
I can totally see Lucifer going like "Hey, Char! Look I can see your friend down there from here! Hello-!"
Then proceeds on screaming "MY EYES, MY EYES!" when finding Angel and Husk from the other side of the hotel by a window going wild on Angel's bedroom (boi, buy curtains!). And they're hiding it from Alastor...
Charlie and Vaggi would start to jump and go giddy with Lucifer to prevent Alastor from seeing his 'pet' going wild feral mating season with Angel floors away...as Cherri is just surprised that her best boi has a boyfriend that treats him like a Q U E E N 👑 🕷️.
Husker a total Chandler funny and romantic guy. 🥖 French 💋 Kiss.
Nifty def knows but keeps it secret for her fanfics. Baxter knows because he can tell (and maybe read his gf saucy stories)

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More on retiring.
You never know the last time you pick up and hold your child - That line, possibly from a poem about being a parent, has stayed with me over the years. I helped raise two fine young men and have thought about those words even when I was still lifting the boys out of car seats and high chairs. I did not know at the time when it was the final one.
But with a planned retirement, I get to notice the last time I do all sorts of scheduled things.
I just submitted the job to generate the WENUS report for last week. Now that task belongs to someone younger, who won't leave yet.
When I wrote a project's installation document earlier this month, I knew the whole time it would be my last one ever. No, I won't be putting a copy on the refrigerator.
There are myriad little tasks that, as I complete each one, I know that was it! An odd mixture of relief and nostalgia washes over me. I've been in this role for nearly three decades and have done some of those things countless times. (FYI - I was not stagnating in a boring job; a million things changed about it over the years. Learning new skills never stopped.)
I said "countless times." An interesting thing about working on a mainframe computer: you actually can count certain things, going way back.
We use migration records to move code and table changes across environments (development → system test → user acceptance test → mock production → production). When I opened the migration record I knew would be my very last, I wondered about the first one I ever created. So I ran a job that searched all of them and found my very first record, from 1997. I remember that project too.
hale twins drawn as ross and monica from friends
Mr Divorce