#fridave

IT’S FRIDAVE!

Musings from our demented diamond in the rough, the pithy dude that brings you your weekly e-blast, and that we will henceforth allow to get weird on our blog. 

This Week: A Music Video Pet Peeve

Well, looks like we’re all alive!  Luckily, humans have always been good at killing themselves and each other, so to quote my man Dr. Ian Malcolm: “Death finds a way.”  I think that’s the quote?  I can’t really remember off hand (this is a lie).

Anyway, I’m back!  This week, I’ve got a topic to discuss that has plagued me ever since I was a wee lad.  That topic is: dudes who are rocking out in music videos when their guitars are clearly not plugged in.  I’m not talking about guys in the background who are just kind of there for scenery like a common houseplant.  I’m talking about guys oozing machismo and mysticism, feeling every note as if it’s a sexual, metaphysical tiger leaping out of their primal being… with no amplification.  I like the three examples layout, so I’m going to roll with that again this week.  And, as always, these are just three examples out of endless amounts of non-amplified dudeage out there.

Joe Satriani – “Always with Me, Always with You”

This is the one that set it all off.  I must have been 5 or 6 years old, ousted from the neighborhood stickball game (note: we didn’t play stickball, but it adds to the nostalgia factor) when I first saw this music video and subsequently lost my mind.  The above photo sums up the video perfectly.  We have a picturesque desert scene, complete with a sweeping expanse of cacti, and this black trench-coated wanderer going on a major rager.  There’s even this magical desert fog that seems to surround him, because he’s just that awesome, bruh.  Yet, one thing is missing… freakin’ electricity!  Nothing seems as impotent as this dude totally wailing in the freaky sands with barely-audible guitar plinks.  I suppose he could be using his wizard powers to amplify his axe, but I’d like to think he just got hold of some really good peyote and thinks he’s actually playing.

Guns N' Roses - "November Rain"

I can’t really front on my homeslice Slash that much, because he clearly a) rules, and b) couldn’t give less of a damn.  Much like Satch-bone, Mr. Hudson is also out in a desert, this time with a quaint-yet-creepy Amish looking church in the background.  There’s probably also a butter churn somewhere near the church, because, why not?  It’s hard to accept the idea that Slash would be willing to posture like this, so I’m just going to assume that the director of the video gave him a bathtub full of Jack Daniel’s and 4 cartons of smokes and came back 8 hours later.  Then, they drove him out to desert and said, “Slash, we’re on in 5.” and let his muscle-memory take over from there.

The Worst Offender: Mike Einzinger from Incubus - "Drive"

This is the most blatant “I don’t have my guitar plugged in right now” video gaffe of all time.  I mean, he literally swings the lower guitar side in front of the camera!  Look – the open 1/4” jacks are literally right there!  What also bothers me about this is that he is playing a PRS guitar that has 2 jacks for stereo sound – that’s twice the offense.  For that, he automatically gets put to the top.  Hey Mikey, why don’t you “drive” over to Guitar Center to buy some cables, bro?!

Anyway, if you ever are fortunate enough to be in a music video whilst holding a guitar, keep this post in the back of your brain and plug that bad boy in!  It’ll make you look like a professional, and it’ll save my mind from further torment.

IT'S FRIDAVE!

Musings from our demented diamond in the rough, the hilariously pithy dude that brings you your weekly e-blast that we will henceforth allow to get weird on our blog. FIRST FRIDAVE, GO!

This Week: Soundtrack for The End of the World

So, back in the day, when they weren’t ritualistically sacrificing each other on top of mondo pyramids to appease whatever vengeful god they were terrified of, Mayans took the time to chip away at behemoth stones to make these types of calendars.  To make a senile grandpa-length story short, these calendars state that after a predetermined amount of time, the world ends.  Majority consensus from history-types marks the date to be December 21, 2012 – i.e. 2 weeks from today. As far as how we’re all annihilated, that’s not really clear.  I’ve often imagined that it would be pretty gnarly if the gravitational pull from the Earth’s core suddenly reversed and everything that is grounded to, well, the ground, just kind of floats out into oblivion.  It’s kind of hilarious to think of the Great Pyramid of Giza just chilling out in the ether next to a Shreveport, Louisiana McDonald’s sign.

Do I think anything cataclysmic will happen to us all on December 21, 2012?  No.  However, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that I really have no idea what is going on, and all these preconceived notions that I had when I was a fiery youth have no basis in reality.  Some would call this “getting wise”.  I would more likely link it to falling testosterone levels and a growing general sense that there is no order to anything.

But I digress: If the world does indeed end, I’ve thought about the limitless songs that I’d love blasting at 130 db for all to hear as we get reduced to carbon.  I’ve singled out three from the infinite amount of appropriate songs, and will justify my opinion on each as a “Soundtrack for The End of the World”.

Track 1: Kenny Loggins – “Highway to the Danger Zone”

Anyone who has ever seen the cinematic masterpiece known as Top Gun knows this song.  You could just tell that as soon as Loggins and Messina ended, Ken-dawg was just dying to take off his folk trousers and hop into a flight suit.  Full of sweet synths, drums that sound like electronic sneezes, and a “He’s a rebel, but not too much, so I like him!” attitude, Mr. Loggins has earned the right to be blasted across the globe as it cracks in half.

Track 2: Metallica – “Creeping Death”

I was going to go with Slayer’s “Raining Blood”, but I figured a song referencing the biblical “Plague of the Death of the Firstborn” was more appropriate.  I guess at the end of the world, it would be the Plague of the Death of the ALLborn (feel free to use that as your next album title, dude in metal band), but either way, it rips!

Track 3: Santo and Johnny – “Sleepwalk”

Back in the day, my friend and I wanted to make a demented film short about a guy pushing a toaster into a bathtub in which he was bathing while “Sleepwalk” was playing the background.  We should probably be psychologically evaluated, but it just seemed right at the time.  For that reason alone, it gets included on this list. 

Whether you choose any of these songs to crank, or have your own favorites, it’s good to know that there are all sorts of killer tunes to pacify us all as life leaves our listless eyes.  You’ll probably be hearing from me again, unless that pesky Quetzalcoatl has his way with us.  See y’all on December 22!